I am a stay-at-home mom and have a 2 month old...?

Question

My hubby has a good cushy job, he's a CPA and basically sets his own hours. I handle all baby related things, cooking and wash. Hubby's in his 40's, was an only child and never handled a baby before. He's very hesitant to handle our son. He'll give the baby a bottle, but with the first sign of fussiness, my son's back in his swing and hubby's running downstairs to do something. I will add that hubby does help with cleaning the house.

I've accepted that my hubby isn't going to be much help to me these first several months with my son. My hubby will be great down the road when baby will be able to play and hold his head up.

I just need to know how I can stay in a pleasant mood while dealing with hubby because I know he doesn't think what I'm doing is tough. I feel as if he doesn't respect me because I'm at home with baby. I guess this is the age-old question. What can I do?

Thanks!

I suppose now that I re-read my question, the answer comes down to me having enough respect for myself and what I am doing by choosing to stay home with my son. I suppose I am looking for hubby to validate me and because he doesn't, I am feeling slighted.

Answer 1

Some men were raised that way.... it's really hard to get through to them about that kind of stuff.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Well, I suppose if you ask hubby to watch the baby while you go get a much deserved pedicure or something, may let him know how hard a baby can be to watch. But, I don't think you need to be validated. Men will NEVER understand completely the whole mother-child thing. They can't have children and frankly, that's probably a good thing. Just know that you are very lucky to be staying home with your baby. I have to go back to work next month and I am devastated that someone else will be seeing all my son's "firsts" when I am at work. He will be 6 months old next month and all these things are about to happen and I am afraid I will miss it. In the next few months your baby will become bigger and your hubby won't be so afraid to hold him either. And when he starts laughing and smiling and giggling alot, watch out because I''ll bet you will both be vying for his attention. When the baby is only two months old, I really think the only person that interested in him is mommy. They don't do alot in anybody elses eyes...so just be patient and know that your little one is being cared for by the best person possible, his mommy.

Answer 3

Ok, here's what you do to get the respect that you deserve. You aren't "just" a SAHM you are a MOTHER.. Which is so much more. You need to first realize you value and potential as a woman/mother.. It's really truly and awesome power ! Leave you husband with the baby for a few hours.. Make sure he has all the essentials if you are breastfeeding a bottle with breastmilk will surely do. Leave him alone for just a few hours with the baby and a list of things you would normally be doing IF you were home.. You get a piece of mind and he gets a taste of what it is like to be you ! I assure you he will be waiting for you and having more respect for you when you return. By always being there you "allow" him to NOT bond with his child. He'll learn if need be on his own to hold a baby, feed a baby, change and calm the baby. If that seems too scary or harsh.. Next time you bathe the baby have him get everything ready (soap, towel, washcloth etc... and "assist" you in the process). If he's never been around babies he's just nervous. Afraid they will "break" if handled improperly ! If the baby is fussing hand the baby to him and let him do his best to soothe the baby. While you take a shower/bath. Your instinct is going to be to do it for him but, don't he'll eventually get the hang of it on his own and maybe find his own style of soothing. Plus it gives you a chance to take a shower ! good luck

Answer 4

I doubt your husband doesn't respect your job or think it's tough. The fact that he puts the baby in his swing at the first sign of fussiness shows that he doesn't know how to deal with it, and so can't possibly think it's easy for you. I am also a stay at home mom with 4 kids. My husband is in Intelligence, so has a very respectable, good job and sometimes I catch myself feeling less than valuable. However, when I have brought it up to him, he easily admits he would take his job over mine, anyday. Sometimes, when my husband gets home, I will go ut to have time by myself and leave the kids with him. When I get home, he practically falls on his knees in reverence for what I do! If you feel strongly that your man doesn't understand how hard your job is, you should give him an opportunity to babysit for a little while. It will give him a chance to bond with his baby, you a chance to catch a breath of fresh air, and for you to feel more understood. You have the most important job anyone can have and you know it. Don't allow yourself to fall into that trap of worthlessness, because it can happen.
As for your hubby not seeming interested in the baby? Totally normal. The baby is somewhat of a stranger to him since he's at work all day, and he probably feels a little incompetent that you seem to be able to handle his child better than he can. Hold your baby and have your husband sit by you and just talk about his smile or his ears or whatever, let your husband spend time with the baby without the stress of actually taking care of him. Believe me, little things like that can work wonders.

Answer 5

Yeah, you really need to nip this in the bud and talk to him about this. The first couple of years are the most important in a child's development and what you husband is doing is essentially pushing him away and creating an emotional divide between him and his son. It won't be long until the child will begin to feel as though he cannot rely on daddy when he needs him. These next few months are the months the both of you need to be spending forming a bond with your child not pushing him away because of some sort of personal discomfort.

You also need to talk to him for your own sanity and the health of your marriage. You don't want to end up resenting him down the line because you let things get out of hand now.

Maybe if you offer to show him how to handle the baby and offer to help him through whatever he is dealing with and be supportive he will come around. He very well may be looking for a way to broach the subject with you but just does not know how to approach you about it.

Answer 6

My husband was raised in a household where his father Never did "woman's" work. DIdn't even pick up the baby let alone change a diaper or feed it. It's hard to be a stay-at-home mom and not feel like all the home things are your responsibility and getting him involved is failing at your job somehow. It's good that he helps with the house work. I spent months crying over how my husband didn't want anything to do with our daughter because he didn't know how it relate to a newborn. Once she responded with a smile and "da da," however, he became more involved. He needs to bond with the child just as much as you do, or the father/child relationship will have a hard time growing. "Not the mama" syndrome is what I call it and my daughter had that for a couple of years. My advice is to look at it as bonding time for them and not a "job" that the wife is supposed to do. I always joked that if I were to have a career and my husband were to be the stay-at-home parent, my mother-in-law would be at my house most of the time. That's really not a joke...but I just try to laugh at it. What I do usually, is just hand him the baby and make him figure it out. And if he says, "I don't know what to do," then you say, "I didn't know what to do either, but I figured it out." Then after awhile, I'd challenge him to "babysit" (I hate that word for daddies, you take care of the baby but the daddy only babysits...ha). Because, if you plan on having more chillens, he HAS to help then. If he's not willing to that, then he doesn't want anymore kids no matter what he says.

Answer 7

my husband is the same way sorta. As far as his attitude about me staying at home. He says his job is more demanding and harder than mine. I have 2 kids . A 4 yr old from a previous relationship and a 14 month old that is my husbands. He's great to both kids. Was great when my 14 month old was born. He was waaaay more involved with her than your hubby is with your child. But if I were you I'd have a sit down with your hubby . Just because he makes it possible for you to stay at home with your child doesnt mean he doesnt have to help take care of the baby when he's done working. That's selfish. And being an only child has nothing to do with it . He needs to learn that raising a baby , basically by yourself which is really what your doing since he's of no help at all is way harder than what he's doing. He already knows his job. He knows what to expect each day he wakes up for work . He knows what to expect when he's with clients. Each day you wake up , it's totally different. You baby could get a fever that day, or get an upset tummy and start throwing up. Or just be cranky all day with nothing that seems to comfort him. Get what I'm saying. Your gonna end up resenting him if he's there but he's no help. It's almost like he's not there at all when it comes to baby if you ask me.

Answer 8

I know what you mean. Men don't understand that being at home with young children or babies is a very demanding job. I know at this age you can't take a littl retreat so your husband can see what it was like, but my children are 5 and 3 and I went and stayed with my mom for a couple weeks for a little break. After that my husband understood how hard it was to be at home all the time with the kids. Just know that you are doing one of the most important jobs a woman can do, and that is raising your child. Your husband will come around.

Answer 9

I would just like validate your feelings on behalf of him. He is NOT gonna get it. All you can do is KNOW that you hold a position that no man will ever have MOM. Now he may take care of the baby and be their best friend when they are older but he will never be MOM. Whether a man doesn't understand, respect or is just jealous of it, we have a deeper connection with the child then they can ever have. Be PROUD (of what you do) & be PATIENT (for your hubby sake). THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Answer 10

Consider yourself validated! A newborn takes a tremendous amount of patience (something hubby apparently doesn't have) and energy.
Explain to hubby that you are feeling a little less than appreciated lately and ask him if he can try to take a little more active role when the baby is fussy.
You shouldn't have all the hard stuff when it comes to baby. Dad needs to bond in good times and bad with baby.

Answer 11

With my first husband, I needed a break for a while so I left for a weekend, left him with the baby. When I came back there was a whole new respect level. You can try to help make him more comfortable with the baby by reasuring him that he is doing things well even when the baby starts to fuss a little.