Is she gonna bail?

Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 months now. Things seem to be going ok with a few bumps in the road along the way. However, lately, she has been saying I LOVE YOU but not with enthusiasm, including sometimes when she says it on the phone so low I can’t hear her and have to ask what she said. Recently, and only because it was something I said in conversation that brought this up, she said she is going to start working later on Wednesdays starting in 2 weeks and trying to work a few hours extra each day during the week for extra money. Again, she didn’t volunteer this info. Now I wouldn’t think anything of this being that we have talked about getting a place in 5months when her lease is up and we could use the extra cash to support ourselves. However, she has a history of cheating, including her ex hubby. And I still suspect she talks to her other ex she cheated on him with, but she denies it. Even though she has text him in front of me.

And her text to me first thing in the morning have stopped and she text me later on. Her text have become short like “gd morning, oxox” where as I send a nicer text each morning saying that I love her or have a nice day. She never text anything back. We are both in our 30’s and I have been down the road before and know when people start to lose interest. I’m afraid to talk to her about this because we have had fights in the past about her EX who she cheated on her ex hubby with and don’t want to cause a riff. I’ve noticed her decline slightly in being excited to see me. Do you think that she is either making up and excuse to see her EX after work being that he only lives 2 miles from her job or is she getting ready to save money so she can get her own place in case she changes her mind about me. I’m just a little curious about this. and we also see each otehr everyday and all weekend long...thanks.!

Answer 1

'History of cheating?' Sounds like she still is...ON YOU !!!

Answer 2

If you've been down this road before, take the other path this time. Do you really think you should be moving in together after 9 months of dating? If you two are interested in saving money, room with other people, not eachother. You may want to confront her regarding the whole situation. If you see the situation is not good for you alone, you can sit her down and just have a talk with her regarding you being uncomfortable with the fact that she doesn't seem very into you anymore, she's said she doesn't keep contact with her ex, when she indeed text him in front of you and she doesn't communicate with you in general, so you've made a decision to end the relationship regardless of what reasoning there is behind her actions or lack thererof....OR you may want to have a conversation with her asking to know all. Let her know how her lack of affection or enthusiasm over the phone is making you feel and how you feel she is being dishonest regarding the contact with her ex and why (her texting him in front of you). You can even go as far and honest as to say that with her ex living so close to her job and her changing her schedule to "make more money," it makes you uneasy. Other people on here may say you are insecure...but you know what? Everyone is insecure somehow and people we're with shouldn't be feeding our insecurities...we are there to make others we're with as secure as possible and we should be able to not act shady or get defensive when someone has a concern or insecurity. We should also be able to make accomodations or compromises and not say that they are ridiculous concerns and we aren't changing a thing. You get me? If you decide to try and work it out with her and she isn't trying to make you comfortable within the relationship, you will be stuck in a relationship where you will always have these concerns and won't feel free to communicate them. Whichever way you decide...please rethink moving in with her. There are plenty of people always looking for a roommate to save money!

Answer 3

First & foremost: do NOT move in with this woman. Shacking up is never a good idea. Unless you are ready for a lifetime commitment with this woman (yes, I mean marriage) then shacking up is reducing your relationship to one of financial benefit (with the potential for sexual perks - and all the consequences that can come with that and/or complicate things futher if you are not 'in it' for the long run).

As for the change in your relationship: all relationships go through phases - ups & downs, good times & bad. The two of you are 'settling in' to patterns of habit. The newness of your relationship is wearing off and now you're getting to the real you and the real her. After a few months you're less likely to be so ego-involved and more likely to show the real you.

In either case, regarding the suspicion of cheating, if you know she has cheated before your concerns are valid. However, people CAN change. It takes effort to do so, but it IS possible. I liken it to a recovering alcoholic - they have to constantly choose and reiterate their decision to not drink anymore. A reformed cheater has to make consistent decisions. You are the only one close enough to know if she is truly repentent.

Be alert. Do not accuse, but do not be foolish. A wise person takes in the whole picture - is slow to judge, slow to speak and slow to act.

Answer 4

You're not ready to get married but you are ready to live together? Think this over carefully. She may not be ready to commit to you, not in marriage - and living together is a no-strings type of situation. She will be able to just walk out the door whenever she wants. And take up with someone else. So if you have the slightest doubts about her temptation to cheat (and it seems you do), don't move in together. In fact, let her tell you how much commitment she wants and let her worry about the longevity of the relationship.

Answer 5

There are red flaggs all over this, bud and you see them, you just do not want to believe it. Run. Run hard and fast and be the kind of guy that takes the time to take care of himself in life wo that later he can support a wife. Once you have yourself in line THEN go looking for her. Find a nicer one. Be someone's knight in shiny armor and have all the trimmings ready to go. Do not get with some girl that will leave once the fun is gone. YOu do not need this. You need someone different she is bad news!

Answer 6

She's suspect whether it is really something or just all in your head...she's still suspect. And since you continue to question this over and over, why not save yourself the aggrivation and call it quits. You obviously have a problem with her past, and obviously can't get over it. Either let it go or let her go.

Answer 7

She sounds like she is thinking about cheating. Thats why she barley responds with the "I Love You's" and the texts. someone or something is occupying her time and thoughts. Only time will tell with this one. You wont really know until you catch her.

Answer 8

wel dear im afraid shes not being honest with u and she is still talking to her ex's she may or may not be cheating on u with one of them. she may be seeing one of them and not working later hours. if shes cheated before then shes nto for you, find another girl . shes not into u at all anymore read between the lines dear. god luck

Answer 9

You need to talk to her calmly and without accusation. Tell her how you feel and ask her if there is anything wrong.

You know this lady better than anyone here. I think if you're getting the impression she is going to leave, you're probably right.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You picked someone you knew cheated before. I would keep your eyes wide open to this. To me those don't sound like good signs. I know when my husband comes home I'm excited and happy to see him everytime. You can find that... don't sell yourself short.

Answer 11

talkt o her about it if she flares up and gets mad then maybe she might be thinking of leaving you but don't go accusing her of something she might not be doing just talk to her as she is the woman you love right?