what you think of my descriptive paragraph?

Question

It is a nice cool black pitch night out. One of the brightest cities stands out in the darkness that hides all the millions of stars. Going through slowly in traffic, surrounded by all kinds of lights that reflect off the other cars, makes it all worth seeing. The different face of people, and with different expressions, doesn’t give you an idea of what they are thinking. There is loud music, all kinds from different directions, drowning all the voices and shouting. It’s a nice feeling going through this maze of buildings, so relaxed, and with a different smell at every corner, from fried chicken to dead fish. It is scary but at the same time exciting. Anything can happen next in the bright city.


>>>anything i need to fix??

Answer 1

Needs some work:
It is a nice, cool, pitch-black night out in one of the brightest cities that stands out in the darkness hiding all the millions of stars. There are so many fascinating sights to be seen, driving through the streets slowly in traffic, surrounded by all sorts of lights that reflect off the other cars. The different faces of people all have different expressions, but don't really give you an idea of what they are thinking. There is loud music of all kinds from different directions, drowning all the voices and shouts. It’s a nice feeling, going through this maze of buildings, so relaxed, encountering a different smell at every corner, from fried chicken to dead fish. It is scary but at the same time exciting. Anything can happen next in the bright city

Answer 2

I really like what you're going for here, just it's worded kinda awkwardly. Here's a few things that I would recommend.

First, I don't think I would say it's a pitch black night. From what it sounds like, you are in the bright city, so it won't be pitch black there. You may even want to say what season it is. Maybe this would be a better wording (if you are telling the story from being in the city).

"The city lights were shining brightly against the night sky. People on the street corner drew their coats closer to keep the cool wind out. Driving slowly though traffic, I watched the city lights dance off the passing cars. It's part of the city's hidden beauty."

I like the idea that you are going for with the part about the different people. Here's how I would say it though. Thousands of people pass by, their faces a blur of countless expressions. It's hard to tell what anyone is thinking.

Also...if you want to keep it...going through slowly in traffic should be changed to going slowly through traffic. It's a little too wordy the way you had it.

At the end, I really like how you compared the city and the chaos to a maze, but you describe this chaos and call it relaxing. You also call it scary and exciting. Maybe you could allude to the hidden beauty within this chaos. Maybe exhilarating would be a good adjective here. You seem to be observing this and it awakens something in you. Talk about that more.

You're off to a great start here. These are just a few ideas I had. Hope they help. :)

Answer 3

It takes 11 seconds for the Y.A. question to load for me to be able to click on the [add your answer] button. does this mean my computer is slow?

Answer 4

You might want to put indents in your paragraph. Other than that I see nothing wrong, gramaticaly and typicaly that is. :D

Answer 5

That is an interesting question