so lost scared and alone, need advice..thanks?

Question

ive been with my b/f for 3 years...i wanted him to be my fairytale...i thought he was the one...but now i see he isnt and it kills me becuase i have put so much love and time into this relationship...i feel like maybe if i keep trying it will be worth it i dont want to start over with someone else...no one else is him. how do i move on how do i let go someone i love so mm=uch someone who became my best friend. i feel empty without him but i know he wont give me what i want. its killing me...why does it have to be so hard. how do i know im doing the right thing?


the reasons are

1. he hasnet had a job in 10 months and hasent been trying to get one that hard.
2. he got a misdemenor (sorry spelling) and is putting off going to court to get it off his record.

his mom just died and im super close with his family, i feel horrible for leaving...he makes me smile and feel so good when things are good. i donno im lost

Answer 1

My completely honest opinion, I would try to get him to work or warn him you will leave. My fiance didn't have a job for about that long and wasn't really looking either until I (with lack of better terms) set him straight gave him a wake up call and told him to grow the f*ck up and start working if thinks he's a man. But could he be slacking on getting a job because of his mothers death? Even so he should still work. And about the misdemenor I don't think that's a big deal at all. I wouldn't break up with someone because of that. If you really feel he isn't the one though then cut it loose now before it gets any harder. I know what you mean it's tough and it sucks to start all over again in a relationship but the only thing that will help is time and time does heal. Good luck! ♥

Answer 2

If you suspect he's cheating, sweetie, then he likely is, or is about to. Now you gotta decide if you wish to stay, don't you? Hopefully you have no kids with this guy.... and as well, you need to know that only 20% of marriages survive 2 years after betrayal.... an F in school, and an F in life, isn't it????? Perfumy sweater? Not cool. This is what my mama hammered into my head beginning at age l3. And because of these, I made few errors that cost me time, emotional distress, and the rest of it.... The only thing worse than not being able to support yourself is having a kid(s), and not being able to support the two (or more) of you.... there is no worse life than a single mom, I promise... Lots of this is probably not really your fault.... we used to teach classes in hs on "life skills"--- how to shop for a mate, how to parent, how to balance a check book, and how to get a job... As a public school teacher, my deepest apologies, cuz we don't teach that stuff any more.... we send kids out into the real world with no usable skills for forming a good marriage, and being a parent... People just have kids, with no idea what that involves..."Ain't it romantic....?" And no it isn't. So hopefully you and he have no kids together. Your job, hon, is to get back in school --- you asked. Anyway, from my mom: 1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. (If he's screwing around, you've made a mistake.) 2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to 3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!! 4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

Answer 3

Cry, and leave him. He may try and stop you and then begins the "serious" talking. Analyze each other, why you are into it. Why he doesn't want a job, or hy he wont get the court thing taken care of. He actually sounds just like me a year ago. HE is probably a little lost himself, losing his mother and not having any direction, I think what you should do is throw it all on the table so to speak, and see what comes from his side. Tell him all the things on your mind, cause really that's all you can do.
I wish the best for you, life is hard but our trials and tribulations make us who we are.
-Andrew...

Answer 4

Poor girl. I know what you're going through. I just went through a break-up and we had been together for three years too. It's incredibly hard for everyone, but when you know it's not right, you just have to be strong and do what is best for you. It still hurts when I think of my past relationship and I do still miss some of the good times. But there definitely were bad times and you have to keep reminding yourself of those. You can't stay in a relationship just because you're afraid to leave. I am dating someone new now and things are going great. I know I made the right choice, even though it still hurts sometimes.

Answer 5

Yes you have a lot invested, and its killing you to walk away. I understand that. The fact that you see he isn't "the one" says that you know that you deserve better. That's the first step. The next is learning to be ok without someone. A lot of people view marriage as two halves making a whole, but the truth is you need two whole people to make a good marriage. Become healthy and whole, and find a man who is the same. You will be amazed at how rewarding a relationship can be then.

Answer 6

Ok, there is a difference in being a boy-friend and boyfriend. You can love him and still be his friend. You don't need him to complete you. Speaking from experience. There is on "THE ONE". Men are a dime a dozen. Don't look for him, let him find you. One more thing, You wont find anymore like him because there is only one of him(thank God for that). You'll have to trust that when you new love comes around you have learned from you mistakes with this dude and don't repeat them.
God Speed

Answer 7

I know it's hard to leave a bf or gf. But if you must, then do it. It would suck to be co-dependent on someone else when you could do so many things for YOU. Someone else will come along and you'll have the same feelings for him. Just make sure you date a lot so you can tell which ones are the best.

Answer 8

i know exactly how you feel, been there and done that. i was in a relationship for 4yrs and 1/2 and i loved him so much, he was my everything, i couldn't see my life without him, although he was very possesive, extremely jealous, and demanding i still stuck by his side, he was still living with his mom, didnt have a job, and was just plain psycho. i finally let him go and realized i deserved so much better. it was so hard at first but i did it, im now married to a wonderful man & very happy =] if you have doubts then just follow your ♥ and do whats right for YOU! in the end you'll realize so much, hope this helps and good luck =]..

Answer 9

If he can't give you what you need, you have two options.

You can live with what he can give you, even if it doesn't meet your needs or
you can search for someone that can give you what you need.

now, the first one is a lot easier, but it also leaves you empty in side and resentful eventually.

As for not finding someone else like him, if he doesn't meet your needs, why would you want to find someone like him.
You want to find someone that meets all your needs and you can meet theirs.

I would be honest, tell him the things you need and separate them from the things you want.
If he can do them, there is a chance, if he can't or won't, you have a decision to make.

Answer 10

Ive had a situation like yours. I felt like I couldn't live with my last b/f. We went 2gether 4 about 2 1/2 years. I learned how 2 move on by talkin 2 him and told him how I felt about our relationship. Ever since then, me and him have been friends ever since. If u can't live without him, then stay wit him no matter what. But if u feel like that sparke is gone, then go on your own path. I wish the best!!!!!!!!!