A wife knows her husband has been having an affair for 1 1/2 years and is in love with his girlfriend. She also knows he isn't in love with her anymore and is staying because of the kids. What should they do about it?
2007-09-07 04:22:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like they are doing it already; the wife knows and apparently doesn't think much of herself and is allowing the husband to continue the affair........
2007-09-07 04:28:13 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing "she" needs to do is to make copies of about 10 or 15 family photos where everyone is smiling. Then send those to the girlfriend, along with a note that says, "I just thought you should see what you're destroying. Have a nice time with my husband."
Then she needs to start squirrling away as much money as possible without him noticing. She can make the kids the beneficiaries on the bank accounts and then he doesn't have to know about them and can't touch the money even if something happens to her.
Next, she needs to find out who the top divorce attorneys are in the local area. Start making appointments with them for the "free consultation". Keep the appointments. Don't tell them "she" is talking to other attorneys. The tactic here is that once they've talked to "her" the are legally/ethically prohibited from even talking to him. You narrow down his choices for divorce attorneys, and almost guarantee that whomever he gets isn't as good as the one you have.
After all that, "she" needs to sit down and ask herself just how important saving this marriage is to her. The age of the kids should be a factor. Let's face it, very young children and mid- to late-teen children will handle it better than "tweens" or those in their early teens.
If "she" still wants to be "intimate" with her philandering husband she should make him wear a condom. It might seem like a small thing (no pun intended), but at the same time it will be a reminder that he's not getting away with his cheating and also that he's brought mis-trust and an actual lack of safety into the relationship.
Regardless of what anyone else tells you, **DO NOT CHEAT TOO**. It will not only lower you to his level, but it will significantly weaken your position when it comes to a divorce settlement.
2007-09-07 12:02:04 · answer #2 · answered by Christopher C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How many different times are you going to ask this question? You are the other woman and you think you know what is going on in their relationship but you don't. He's cheating on his wife why do you think he's telling you the truth. The wife is staying because he's HER husband and not yours. He is staying because he is having his cake and eating it too. You are a fool if you think he's ever going to leave her. You story is as old a dirt and the ending is always the same. He stays with his wife - who he really does love regardless of the lies he is telling you - and the mistress gets nothing but a broken heart. How does it feel to be a trashy, classless homewrecker? Wake up and smell the coffee.
2007-09-07 12:58:07 · answer #3 · answered by porkchop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's any possibility for them to save their marriage he obviously needs to tell his side line honey goodbye and get some counseling...Otherwise, the decent thing to do would be to get a divorce...Right now he has the best of both worlds, he gets to have his cake and eat it too...He gets to play with his girl friend while his wife gets to raise the family basically on her own. The reason he won't file is because he doesn't want to pay alimony and child support. He's a very selfish man and it's not only destroying his wife but his children too. If nothing else, she needs to get a divorce for the kids sake. What are they learning from this....that it's okay to cheat on your spouse?...Why hang in there...The kids know what's going on and so does she, it's not right, if he wants to put this side dish in front of his wife and family then he needs to feel some pain too....
2007-09-07 11:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by Domino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question. First of all, as long as he is in a physical and emotional relationship with the girlfriend, he will never feel the love for his wife, as he has replaced it with the girlfriend. I believe that a parent should try everything in their power to make it in the marriage (which includes ditching the girlfriend), but if he is unwilling to even give it a try, it is healthier for the children if they do divorce. He is not an ideal role model and you accepting his actions are not a good role model either. They are being taught that it is okay to cheat, lie, deceive as long as you accept it and allow him to stay married to you. He has a choice to make; his girlfriend or trying all he can to get back to the place when you two were in love and become a complete family. He can't have it both ways.
2007-09-07 11:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has stayed with this man 1 1/2 years too long. Staying with a scum bag cheating man for the sake of the kids is a lame excuse....kids have a way of finding out when things are not right between their parents. Only she knows what she should do about it....but my advise would be to leave his cheating *ss with the kids in tow.
2007-09-07 11:31:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
They should do whatever they feel is right for them under the circumstances. If the need to stay "because of the kids" is greater than any other considerations, then I guess this is what they should be doing. But doing something "because of the kids" is not always the best option.
2007-09-07 11:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she is staying with him to teach her kids that it is ok to be treated this way? Children are smarter than that at some point in time they are going to know whats going on and she needs to think about what kind of long term effect this will have on the kids.
2007-09-07 11:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by sissy k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is cutting herself short on life. I would never in a million years give a man his cake and let him eat it too, not on my expense. Our children want us to be happy as much as we want them to be happy. Living with a man who you have to share isn't happiness in my book and your kids either know about that or sense it. A few words for you LEAVE HIS SORRY ***!!!!!! Find your own happiness, your children will adjust. They have you and you sound like you would give up your world for them, you already have, but its ok to want happiness. Life isn't easy at times, but you deserve to be happy too. I divorced and at the time my son was 7 and my son adored his father, I cried for two years because I was staying in a lonely marriage and couldn't see how to leave the father of my son, I fianlly did, it was hard but worth it. Its now 8 yrs later, I am remarried to a wonderful man who treats me and my son with the best of everything he has. My ex and I are freinds, my son has a great relationship with his father, sees him all the time, and I am happy in my life now. It was the hardest thing to do but it was for the best for everyone involved. Of course all children want their biological parents to be together but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way. Mine was not an affair and I don't know the outcome if it had been, as far as being friends after divorce, but you have to try for the kids sakes. That will make them happy to see mom and dad friends and happy. I will be honest and tell you its not an easy road to travel down, you will have times you feel so guilty, but in your case you should never feel guilty you really deserve more out of life than what your accepting. Be strong and best of luck to you.
2007-09-07 11:44:13 · answer #9 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not for the kids. The kids are being hurt more than either one think; they're not stupid. I think this wife fears being alone more than anything. She has no confidence or self respect. The husband doesn't either, obviously. He can file for divorce, too.
2007-09-07 11:29:27 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋