At least, I don't think I do. My fiance proposed to me and I said yes, because at the time, I did want to get married and start a family. A year and a half later, I still want to be with him, but I don't want to get married. My outlook on life has changed drastically, and now I don't want to get married or have children, ever. It's just not... me... anymore.
We live together, pay taxes, have insurance, and all other things that married couples do, except for the part about being "official." Am I wrong to not want to get married? I just don't see the point. Perhaps I am just trying to hold on to my independence, I don't know.
Or maybe I just don't want to make a commitment. But I have made a commitment to him, just a different one than marriage.
I've held off the marriage with the excuse of college, but I'm graduating soon with no more excuses to not get married. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
2007-09-07 04:08:19 · 20 answers · asked by coolchick86 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually, I have not been stringing him along for the past year and a half. When he proposed, I wanted to get married like I said, but then I decided I wasn't ready. I have talked to him about this, said everything I've said here. And every couple months he slyly says, "So, want to set a date yet?" To which, the answer is no, I'm not ready to get married yet. He keeps asking why and we get into a fight. I don't know why, I just don't.
I feel for the first time in my life that I am in a position to make my own decisions and I don't want to get married because everyone expects me to or because all the other girls I knew in school are married or planning a wedding right now.
2007-09-07 04:36:41 · update #1
Marriage changes the dynamics of the relationship. Some couples who live together think all we are doing is making it official but that isn't true. It does change things. I can understand not wanting to do it. More than half of marriages end in divorce.
Tell him that you don't want to take that step. Do it sooner rather than later. It would also be important to tell him you do not want children. You have to understand and be prepared for him to leave to pursue his wants. If he does then you know it wasn't a great match and you can eventually look to meet someone that has the same mind set you do.
2007-09-07 04:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell him the truth about how you feel. Your commitment priority has changed and you need to let him know that what you want a year and half ago you don't feel this way today. When marrying you don't lose your independence you gain a addition in your life and that would be your husband. You need to give him reasons to why you feel the way you do. Let him free to find a young women that will give him what he desire and you find young man to let you have the kind of independence you want in a relationship; or just be single not being in a relationship but just have friends for companionship. Therefore you don't have to worry about whether or not your losing your independence. Good Luck!
2007-09-07 04:42:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why would you feel like you need an excuse not to get married? It's a personal decision that's entirely up to you, and you don't need to justify it to anyone else.
That said, I believe that you would be honest if you let your fiance know what is going on if you haven't told him already, and especially what caused this drastic change in your outlook on life since it involves his life as well. He deserves to know the truth about how you feel, and if marriage and a family is still in his long-term plans, then he should be given the opportunity to decide if he still wants to be with a person who doesn't share those goals. As should you.
If all else fails, direct him to this question and tell him what you told us, and that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to get married with the way you feel about it.
2007-09-07 04:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't waste your time getting married,, marrige is an old outdated tradition being kept alive by women who have been brainwashed since birth to achive......
That's why just about all the women in your life are constantly pressuring you into marriege... As if it was really gonna be the best hing you've ever done in your life... Remember that Divore is already over 50%
Just live with him, have a family and be happy....
2007-09-07 04:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
DO NOT GET MARRIED!!
Just say that you're not feeling 100% enthusiastic about the thought of being married, want to end the engagment to relieve the pressure and want to have an opportunity to say "yes" again.
Then when he (or another man) proposes again, you will say "yes" because you're ready and you want the MAN (not a family, not a convenient living arrangment, etc.)!
2007-09-07 04:22:48 · answer #5 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong about the way you feel. The worst thing you could do would be to have children when one or both of you don't want them. You may just have to tell you fiance exactly how you feel and hope he's OK with it. You might change your mind back one day too.
2007-09-07 05:50:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your reason for not wanting to get married sounds lame. Marriage doesn't change anything. You will go about living your life the way you have been. It sounds like you don't want to marry HIM. If this is the case then don't. It's not fair to him that you ask for a divorce in a few years. You sound too young to know what you want as far as children. Wait a few years. You will change your mind.
2007-09-07 04:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Hey, I feel you, but my guy knows I don't want to ever get married too. Don't do it because you feel you have to. Talk to him. He may understand about the marriage part, but the kids part may be more difficult. If you want a family, you want your s/o to want one too. He may not be willing to stay with you if you don't want kids ever. You need to be honest.
2007-09-07 04:27:25 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong for not wanting to be married you are wrong for stringing this guy along for the past yr and half.
Just remember, the truth will set you free.
2007-09-07 04:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Some people are that way. Go with your heart. It is the only thing means anything in the end. Otherwise you will be miserable.
2007-09-07 05:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋