Why are love and hate so closely interconnected....?

Question

I hate the dependence I have on who/what I love most....

Answer 1

Our emotions relate to all of our other emotions. We cannot possibly function any either way. Attitude is that relationship that connects our emotions. It is a polar function of our emotional capacity to love and hate. Our thought process may be as follows:

I love to go to the movies => I hate the traffic going to movies => Outcome.

The outcome can be one of two things. I can either go to the movies- have a poor attitude while going there- and potentially put myself in a bad mood throughout the film. Or I can not go to the movies- avoiding the traffic- but potentially put myself in a bad mood because I didn’t get to see the film.

This example is a simple illustration of a topic that could fill libraries: our emotions are complex. How we feel about something is not independent of how we feel about something else. It is because of this that one small and seemingly benign event can “ruin your day”. It wasn’t the event that ruined your day; it is what you tell yourself about that event- and the ensuing attitude about it- that ruined your day.

So, attitude is a gateway between emotions. Picture your emotional spectrum as a busy office, with people bustling around doing there jobs. Attitude is the phone calls, emails, conversations, and text messages to all of those workers. It is the connection our emotions have to each other. It is how they communicate. Imagine in this office that a worker faces a challenge at work. With his communications, his challenge affects others, and pretty soon everyone knows and is involved. If he communicates the challenge poorly and makes a bad decision, everyone in the office could be affected. Then the next decision made could be based off the poor decision, and so on. One worker is not independent of the other. And neither are our emotions.

Attitude as an emotional gauge: Because all of our emotions are interconnected through our attitude, it can be a wonderful emotional gauge. As our emotions relate to each other and fluctuate, we give off verbal and non-verbal signs of that relationship. Our attitude. It is apparent in comments, gestures, tone, and appearance. And with those indicators, others notice and make their own judgments, which in turn affect their attitude. So truly, our emotions can be viewed, interpreted, and judged by those around us.

Action => reaction => judgment => attitude => action => reaction… you get the idea

Attitude as a tool: So, how do we break this cycle? How can we take control of our attitude? How can we use our attitude to improve our life?

The answers are easily stated, but take hard work and continuous improvement.

Empathy
Self-talk
Give it away
Practice

Empathy is my key to attitude. It is the ability to step outside of emotion, and view a situation, person, or behavior from another perspective. The key to this ability is delaying judgment until more information is known. Maybe your boss yelled at you, but their attitude is poor because of marriage problems. But without bothering to find out and just getting angry, you have let someone else control your attitude. Instead if you had stepped back and realized it wasn’t you, it was you boss’s personal life, you can judge differently and have a positive attitude.

I believe we all judge. Whether we mean to or not, we all make assumptions + judgments about things around us. And with those judgments come our attitude. So, because eliminating judgment isn’t possible, we can delay and soften the judgment through self-talk.

Self-talk is one of the most important abilities a person can posses. Self-talk is that little voice inside your head. THAT YOU CONTROL. Ultimately, your self talk determines your attitude. And you can control what you tell yourself. Not all the time, but try to- I’m sure you already do. You tell yourself positive things. And negative things. And with those thoughts, with that self-talk, you determine your attitude. So, instead of telling yourself that your boss hates you and you can’t do anything right, tell yourself “wow, my boss is having a rough day; I wonder what I can do to help?” Keep yourself and your attitude out of the picture. Separate yourself from your emotions.

The final part of this process is in what you give away- the “I wonder what I can do to help?” part. I believe firmly that in order to get something, you must give it away. If you’re down- go make someone laugh. If you want love- give someone else your love. I understand this doesn’t work in all cases (seek professional help when necessary), but for everyday problems, it does wonders.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!!!!- I think this is pretty self explanatory.

Attitude is something that is tied so closely to every other emotional capacity we posses, its hard to identify and explain. It is something that we can harness, and use as a tool in everyday life. Attitude is what we tell ourselves about our lives- so what do you say?

Answer 2

because what people perceive as love is not love, but merely a very positive judgement.. so it feels good. Hate is a negative judgement, feels bad. It's all judgement, good and bad are the polar extremities. True love is special, true love is within, it IS, rather than focused on specific things...this focus leads to disappointment, eventually hate, eg. eat a food again and again, good flavour becomes boring. The food does not change, the opinion of the taste does. Love is BEING, as opposed to doing. In true love you make love with your partner the moment you are together, no need to do a thing. Your dependence thing is simply liking someone or something strongly, to the detriment of the rest of your life. I am sure you agree that you aren't really dependent on these "loved" things, take them away, you don't die. Don't forget you, love your self...this lights the way...not necessarily to ideal mate, but so what? you love your self and can stay with your self every moment of the day. Be nice to yourself, avoid punishing your self. In this condition you'll be truly able to love others, all others, and they'll feel, you'll not cling to them because you have all the love you need from your self..and so you may well attract love..it all falls into place!

Answer 3

You are not 'dependant' (unless disabled) upon someone you Love.

You 'use HATE' ~ child-like ~ simply because your emotional needs are not being met.

If you belive that you are 'dependant' on the one you Love, then that is your (independant) choice ~ the one you have made for your self.

That 'Dependence' is not Love. Love is not 'Dependant.'

'Love is not Numbers or Bookkeeping,' Love does not Need in order to survive.

[ It might seems that way ~ because of expectations founded on societies patterns and brainwashing ~ through advertising's ]

Don't get yourself hooked into that circular belief pattern.

You can Love without being Dependant ~ and to my way of thinking (and feeling), that is the GREATER sense of Love.

Sash.

Answer 4

they are both very powerful emotions and there is a fine line between the two, true love doesn't just die over night, but if a loved one hurts us it is because we love so much that we can quickly think about hating them. you can still love something without being dependent upon it, dependence is a personal choice, and can be broken. i don't like hating and prefer to dislike rather than hate.

Answer 5

because they are both very strong emotions that we feel. And at one moment in time you could love a certain person, more than you ever knew possible, then they would hurt you, then you would feel hate and hate them for doing it, but still loving them at the same time. This is why its so confusing to know if you love/hate a certain person.

Answer 6

Hate bore out of love, like if someone harms someone you love you feel an intense emotion of hate. Or if the person you love does you wrong then that strong feeling of love manifests itself into hate. That strong feeling doesn't go away.

Hate and Love both contain strong feelings of emotion.

Answer 7

I don't think that they are interconnected in a healthy relationship. I would really examine who/what you are loving!
Love makes you feel good, it makes you stronger and happier.
Hate burns, makes you weak and miserable.

Answer 8

To love is to make your self vulnerable to the who what or it that you love. So when that who what or it does not for fill your expectations you experience hurt which in turn is interpolated as dependence.The greater the expectation the greater the hate. But you could just hate who what or it.

Answer 9

I GUESS, its Love and Hate are not unlike, light-dark, good-bad, hard-soft, yes-no, happy-sad, rough-smooth,

Its Ying and Yang, with such strong emotions, they have to run pretty close opposite.

It sounds pretty human to have those emotions you describe, not a lot one can do other then try and get things into perspective, personally, I find that hard to do also.

Answer 10

so your saying you love a person but you hate a state of mind that is connected to this love this does not mean love and hate are conneted if you start depending onyourself your hate will disapear and all your left with is love for this person