Posted my last ? and accidentally erased here is part2?

Question

Everyone says that I shouldnt make a big deal about my husband looking at images of other women. Here is the thing 1 year ago he started acting diff.around me putting me down for no reason at the same time he was looking @ porn on the internet. Since then I have been a little insecure about myself not just b/c he looked at other women but b/c of the put downs. I have always felt he was comparing the way I look to how the women he saw looked. I wont lie I notice good looking guys and I wouldnt have a problem w/ him looking @ other women if it wasnt for the put downs. So my debate wasnt over him looking I know he will look but dont make me feel bad about myself and dont talk about other hot chicks to your friends when I am around. Thats all I am not that bad of a wife. I ask for some respect. We have come close to divorcing over this and I know it would be stupid to lose him over this especially since we have 2 little ones who need us. He doesnt look @ it anymore not at home anyway.

Now is that so much to ask for. I dont go out I stay @ home w/ our kids I have never cheated or thought about it and I definetely dont need any images to look @ to make me feel more like a woman. Men may be diff. but all I ask for is for my husband to not bring it in our home or talk about it w/ his friends when I am around. If this wasnt ever a problem my marriage would be perfect.

We had an argument the other day which again I got fired up and was serios about leaving. We went on a family trip and on the way back there was this bill board and I said look there is that adult book store you always talk about and he said no that would be a strip club I know cause I went ther for my bachelor party. And that just ruined my time w/ him I was mad thinking about that and didnt talk to him for 70 miles. Then he finally got me to talk and I blew up we fought over him looking @ those girls from last year and him talking to his friends about other women and etc and I was upset he was mad. He told me I need help and I was insecure and I said I wouldnt be like this if you hadnt done what you did. We got closer to home he floored it all the way home and scraped the bottom of my sports car as he was driving into the garage. He made the kids go in the house so we could talk hetold me if I dont leave him alone he is goi g to leave me. So what do you want to do about this?

I said I will call a lawyer tomorrow and this will be over. I said I am tired of being upset w/ you over this so lets just end it you can have your freedom and chase girls or whatever like your friends. He said this isnt what I want to get married and divorce over something so stupid. I dont want to grow up alone I want to grow old w/ you and see our kids grow and watch our grandkids. He started crying I was already crying. He said I will do anything and I said quit making me feel bad about myself and looking &talking about other women around me to your friends. And he said ok. So we will see where this goes.

Answer 1

It is disrespectful of him to put you down or to even compare you to these women. Don't these men know that is fantasy and their women are reality. Computer enhanced, silicon injected images are not real. Do you think he is just trying to 'look like a real stud' in front of the other guys? You know, to impress his friends with this talk? Also, how does he compare to the men on porn sites? I'd tell him that you love and respect him enough to not expect him to be some 'fantasy guy' found on these sites and you expect him to treat you with the same consideration. It is unfair and unrealistic for him to even think that you be this 'perfect image of sex' that the sites show. If they saw these women in real life, without the makeup and all, they would find they look like most of us. I know this, I worked in entertainment for a long time and the women on those sites laugh about the men ogling over something that is so unreal. (No, I wasn't part of the porn and all; just singing and acting in plays and such).

Answer 2

Honey, he should never put you down, but almost everyone looks. If that's the main problem with your marriage then you need more help than you can get on YA.

Answer 3

Don't fool yourself, your marriage wouldn't be perfect. A husband who would do the things your does is not a loving or caring husband. He is a pig in my opinion. Leave him and find someone who loves and RESPECTS you...