Do you think I should be suspicious of his motives?

Question

Two years ago I discovered my husband was chaating.Don't know if this was first time. We remained together although he now has bought an apartment. He lived in it for a while but is now living at home full time including evenings. If I ask what he is going to do with it he says he might sell it but he doesn't want to rent it out to anyone because its new and its a shame to let others spoil it. I was under the impression that the affair had ended long before he now says it ended because we were sleeping together and he seemed to be trying to change our marriage for the better. He now says that he hasn't seen this other person since Xmas last year. I was suprised, but I am pretty sure that he doesn't see her now. This latest revelation has unsettled me greatly and is making me think that I must be pretty dumb to trust anything he says, but why do I go on forgiving him? I suspect that he is waiting for our daughter to go to University next year before he leaves, but I could be wrong.

Answer 1

I don't think he's totally committed to you... He may want to be, or want to be now... But keeping that apartment is just a slap in the face to you... He should sell it...

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you are going through this as I have walked down that same road and know how much pain you must be in right now. You are NOT "dumb" for trusting him or forgiving him, you are just human. You must have a big heart to have taken him back when you found out that he had cheated on you. That means you are good person and good people are trusting people. But, you can't trust someone completely if they have lied to you. You need to question every move he makes and find out everything that is or is not going on in his life. It is your life too! You do need to think more about what your plans are than what he plans on doing. If he leaves tomorrow or in 10 years what are YOUR plans? What is your financial situation? Do you have emotional support from family, friends or even a good mental health professional? Do you know the divorce laws in your state? If he was able to go out and buy an apartment does he own other things that you don't even know about? Does he have credit cards or bank accounts that you don't know about? Be strong and get yourself in a position that no matter what he does you can handle it and not be caught off guard. Start today in getting yourself in a financial and emotional position that if he leaves or stays YOU are going to make it. I know it is difficult to focus on yourself when you are hurting and it would be easier to just think the best, but it will hurt a lot less if you are on top of everything. You have to think about yourself and take care of the most important person in your relationship and that is you. Once you have everything in order and feel stronger YOU can decide if YOU are going to stay in the marriage. That would be the time to tell him to get rid of the apartment. He should not have an apartment when he has already proven to you that he can't be trusted. He needs to start working his butt off to prove to you that he has changed and will never do such a terrible thing again. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that you are a strong woman for having to live through that but I do think that maybe you are being too lenient with the situation. You could be right that he migt be waiting for your daugther to go off to college but are you going to wait to be dropped? It seem like you know what he's doing and just hoping for the best. Sit him down and ask him what's REALLy going on? Situations like this don't always end very well so just be honest with him about what you're feeling and have him tell you as well then try to go from there. I wish you the best of luck. :)

Answer 4

I sorry to tell you this but this doesn't sound like a guy who is planing on being with you very long. You need to stop wondering and start looking out for YOUR best interest! Don't wait for him to make up his mind and say 2 or 5 years from now he's leaving. Maybe it time to just move on.

Answer 5

You have that instinct telling you something is not right. Listen to it!

If he was truly committed to you, he would not have purchased an apartment!! He's most likely using it or, as you say, waiting for your daughter to finish school.

Do you want to stay with him? Do you want him to get rid of the apartment? Talk to him and set down what you will and won't put up with, then stick with it. You don't deserve to be strung along like this.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Dont trust him. I have my suspicions that he has the other woman either living in the apartment or he meets her there when he can. Either way, he has cheated on you and you cant trust him again. If you really do want to remain in the relationship then i suggest you 'drop by' the apartment when he is staying in it without warning. If he gets angry then he is definitely cheating. If he is delighted to see you then perhaps he isint. I dont know, I wouldnt trust him if i were you...hope this helped

Answer 7

Catch him at a good time and tell him what you have written here. If he is waiting for your daughter to go to Uni there would be no harm in admitting that at this stage. Also, ask him to put your name on the lease to the apartment.

Answer 8

Doesn't sound good hon. IF he were truly sorry, he would do anything to put yur mind at ease.....

I am so sorry.....My husband and I had some hare times 3 years ago, and we got into some counseling with our Pastor...Helped a great deal!

Answer 9

You should be VERY suspicious of his motives. He gets rid of the Apartment or you should get your own. He should have no need of it if he is being honest with you. Personally I don't think he knows how to be honest......

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but once they cheat, you lose trust in them. It has happened to me once before. We are still together, but questioning is always in the back of my head.