Does anybody have tips on how to avoid being a wallflower? I am naturally shy, and as much as possible I try to avoid going to parties or to my workplace's gatherings. I need to overcome my shyness and insecurities. Suggestions anyone? Thanks!
2007-09-07 03:00:57 · 11 answers · asked by Fettah 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
First of all know that a lot of people are very shy and insecure even some that seem very forward and social. I'm often told that I seem so confident and forward but if they only knew how I worry about things when around other ppl, did I say the wrong thing? Was that joke really stupid? etc... I wish sometimes I could just be quiet and take a few steps back but instead this is my way of dealing with my insecureties.
Maybe if you tell yourself that, ok I know I might blush or sweat a little but I'm gonna give it a try and just let it happend this one time. Also think of the worst that could happend? Really, think about it! Don't put to much pressure on youself, it's ok to go hide in a corner, you can always get back to it anytime. But keep in mind that most ppl are more or less shy so it's never just you.
Best of luck and have a good day :)
2007-09-07 03:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by CC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's tough to overcome shyness. I know. When I'm in a new situation or around a lot of people that I don't know, I have a tendency to be quiet. But, if I keep hanging out with the same people and speak up when I have something interesting or funny to say, I eventually loosen up. I also notice, as I get older, it's easier to talk. It starts with liking yourself. And, I like myself much more now than I did in my 20's (I'm 37)!
2007-09-07 10:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by piratefancarrie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. What has helped me is to work on my insecurities. Make a list of all the things you're insecure about in regard to yourself - physical and otherwise, and then try to work on those things. For instance, after much denial to myself about the way my weight gain was affecting my self esteem, I got real with myself and started working on my body, eating better and working out regularly. I've lost 20 pounds so far and I can't tell you how much more confidence it has given me. I no longer feel self conscious in the clothes I wear - I don't worry about how my stomach is sticking out or how other people are judging me because I am confident in myself. Try to get to the root cause of why you feel shy at gatherings. What is your worst-case scenario of what may happen there? how many of those scenarios are realistic and how many are just your imagination working overtime? It helps to remember that there are numerous people as shy as you who will be at a gathering - they just don't show it. When you go to a party - always try to spot your friend or close acquaintance and speak to them. It will make you feel more comfortable and you won't feel like you're alone in a sea of strangers and will take some of the edge off.
Consider taking various self-esteem boosting courses - such as a public speaking class. You can start out giving a speech in front of a small group and gradually build up your tolerance level with a larger group - this will help you learn to feel more confident around large groups of people. Also, consider taking a self-defence or a dancing class. In both cases, you will be around a group of people and you will get used to it and will begin to enjoy it. What really works for me is occasionally going to a nightclub with friends, where I don't know anyone else. I say to myself that I'm here to have fun and don't care if I make a fool out of myself because I'll never see these people again. And just dance, have a good time, etc... A friend of mine created an alter ego when she went to clubs and it helped her come out of her shell. She would put on some crazy colored wig, sunglasses, etc and just dance for hours. Another thing you have to keep in mind is that no one is judging you the way you think they are - I know that when you're shy you assume that most people are judging you and that creates a lot of pressure - so just know it's not the case. Most people are insecure themselves and are too preoccupied being self conscious and thinking about how other people perceive them to think about anything else. These are just some examples, of course there are many other things you can do - it's important for you to figure out what will work best for you.
2007-09-07 10:17:59 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WELL now missy ! The Church Lady is always a scream at parties - at our last church social I brought a chopped liver sculpture shaped like the Last Supper, and later on instigated prank phone calls to the Jehovah Witness church down the block - but seriously . . .
Even if shy, you can't lose when you take an active interest in others. People love to talk about themselves (just look at this board !) Ask intelligent, non-prying questions to someone and watch how they open up (usually). Have faith in yourself ! *bless* and good luck!
2007-09-07 11:11:46 · answer #4 · answered by The Church Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should jump on the chance to attend a party - parties are an excuse to meet new people so most people go to a party with the expectation of doing just that, so strangers or "aqaintences" are higly likely to be engaging if you start up a conversation.
a lot of people enjoy talking about themselves so a good conversation starter is complimenting someone on their outfit/hair style/ choice of beverage/ etc.
Also, if you are not oppossed to alcohol, you might want to have a mix drink, it will loosen you right up - that's why so many people partake....just don't over do it and have a dd. a good rule of thumb for new drinkers is one drink (beer) an hour with the alcohol content equivalent to one "shot". also be sure to never drink on an empty stomach, take vitamin b12 before and after, and drink lots of water.
oh yea - and always, always, make your own drink or watch the person who is making it, and never take your eye off of it - u never can be too safe!
go have some fun!
2007-09-07 10:10:14 · answer #5 · answered by lori_e_gallaway 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When people look your way, dont look the other direction even though this will be your instinct. Make eye contact and hold it, smile confidently with a big open smile. Talk to people, this can kill a shy person, but keep in mind its one night, and who wants to have noone to talk to all night. Find someone that seems interesting and be a good listner. Dont just talk about yourself( not that this is a problem, but when some people are nervous they just never stop)!! Good luck
2007-09-07 10:05:42 · answer #6 · answered by melissaw77 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just get out there, maybe an open cafe. Sit beside someone who seems nice , ask about the weather or the books thery're reading if there is one. Just be your pretty self. GO for it, you only need to live one day at a time as if it were your last because it could be, we don't know that.
2007-09-07 10:07:08 · answer #7 · answered by frenchfry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to get over it is to get out there and have fun!
I would never socialize, I would hang around the table while everyone danced and had a great time. One night I finally realized how stupid I was and just started dancing and talking to people more and more. It opened me right up.
This is something you need to just do, get out there and get off the wall!
2007-09-07 10:04:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself, when you are comfortable you will step away from the wall. Try spending time around crowds and randomly making conversation. Don't go to far to fast.
2007-09-07 10:08:16 · answer #9 · answered by Jamie * 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself a slammin haircut, clothes, shoes, purse, etc... And try wearing a little something sexy under your clothes.. It's like you have a little secret under there and it will bring a a sense of confidence and a smirk to your lips!
2007-09-07 10:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by D.J. 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋