What do you think of this poem?

Question

Insurmountable

Pen in hand,
I sit.
Facing the fireplace
Where castles are in the sky

I start the technology,
I sit.
Back to solid
Mind in constant collision

Pen in hand,
I sit.
I start to think
To immortalize thoughtlessness.

I travel antifuture,
I sit.
The creation wonders
Imagination suffices.

Pen in hand,
I sit.
Feet seemingly planted
Hands pretend to feel.

I allow that which wanders to leave,
I sit.
Solid yet invisible
A living ghost

Pen in hand,
I sit.
Living beneath a veil
Shadowy memories flit.

I disguise fear,
I sit.
Within an atmosphere
Of timeless cruely.

And then I get up.
And all thats enchanted,
Breaks like wings,
On a fluttery butterfly.
Crushing dreams,
The pen falls.

Answer 1

Reading your poem,
I sit.
I wonder how I'm worthy
of judging your art.

Following your progress
I sit.
I'm traveling your path
Vicariously.

Marvelling at the simplicity,
I sit.
Such few words paint
Such epic pictures.

And now I thank you
For sharing your verse.
For as I go
Into that dark,
Bid Farewell.
I am gone.

Answer 2

very good heres something to reflect on
the days were happy
but oh when the rains came
salty drops of water
if only they were rain
heavenly eyes drowning out sorrows
clouding my memories
so i can think about tommorow
puddles at my feet
reflections of my memories
the past is hard to beat
the reflections keep looking back

Answer 3

Sophomoric...keep working on it. Oh yeah, poetry is supposed to rhyme otherwise it is prose. Since you chose the prose path your word rhythm needs work.

Answer 4

if your pen fell then how did u write such a beautiful poem?makes me wonder!!!!!!

Answer 5

Good poem.
I like it, very very good!!!!!
Its beautiful