how do you live with a drunk?

Question

my husband had quit drinking when we got married, we have been together for 5 yrs and he is starting again hitting the bars, lieing to me, and hiding whiskey around the house, I found him the other evening and girl that is a friend, not to close just know her was running her fingers through his hair, I dont get sex hardy at all, and he never touches me , I am so hurt, confused,I hate this , I need advice

Answer 1

Communicate. Talk with him in a nice and calm way about what you feel. Ask him what he feels. Don't nag or raise your voice. Just keep your cool even if deep inside you're hurting and angry. Proper communication resolves most woes and problems. See if you could resolve your problems in a peaceful way. If it fails, drastic options such as marriage counseling, legal separation, divorce or annulment are available. If you need a friend, you could give me a mail.

Answer 2

5 Years is a long time and I wonder why he fell off the wagon? Alcoholism is a disease and your husband needs help, that guy being close to the other woman is not the man you married, people with this disease change when they drink and this is why they shouldn't. Try to talk to your husband, ask him whats wrong, you seem to be focused on the symptoms of the problem and not the cause. If you love your husband ans have had a good marriage for 5 years then you should try top get things sorted. Tell him you love him and offer to go to counselling with him, if he refuses then you need to step away, maybe this will shake him into realising that if he doesn't sort this out then he will leave you, you can compete with other women but you will never come over the bottle, and if the bottle is there then the women, lies and abuse are trailing close behand... I wish you well...

Answer 3

well, I do live with one every day. it's not an easy road either. I also get bombarded with oh you should leave, kick him out blah blah blah. but I don't feel that will solve anything, especially when you are committed to someone, for better or for worse. I learned the hard way in the past relationships that i have had that I cannot force someone to to this that or the other, they have to make their own choices. I learned that a negative response to something I didn't care for only led to the person to lie to me or hide things and do what they wanted anyway. currently, I have a pretty open line of communication going with my other half. I don't judge his drinking. and it seems to be working pretty good. he tells me where hes going, and pretty much what hes doing there. I think he feels free to do this because I simply don't hassle him about it.

check out this page I found, and see if it helps you.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa980218.htm

Answer 4

Trust me I done it for about 8 yrs. it's not easy and you can't make them stop until they are ready for whatever "rock-bottom"reason.What I done was removed myself from the situation on the grounds that if you get help I will be there 100% but if not count me out,he had cheated countless time with the bar fly skanks and I was over it.And just to let you know it will be very hard .He and I still talk ever now and then,but we haven't been together in 5yrs.And yet he still asks me to come back and I would in a heartbeat because I feel that is my soul-mate,we still finish each others sentences,but I won't go back and he knows why.But he won't get help.Maybe one day he will but that day hasn't come yet.Any way stay strong and I hope this advice helps......

Answer 5

I'm not one for ultimatums usually, but this is the exception. See if you can get him to attend some meetings with a marriage counselor. Usually when behavior changes, there is something else at the root of it. If he won't go to a counselor with you, then put your foot down and tell him that he has to make a decision- You and your marriage and all that goes with it, or whiskey and loneliness.

Answer 6

Why are you still there? as I would of left ages ago, but then again I wouldn't marry someone with a drinking problem. Start saving your money in preparation of moving out. He has shown no interest in saving the relationship. Time to move on in life.

Answer 7

My spontaneous reply was "Get yourself out quick!" but I'm thinking it's not that easy. Gees, hon, I'm afraid I don't have any good advice for you. I just sure hope it all works out well for you, and I wish you the best. You must really be hurting. Get yourself some help.

Answer 8

You should not subject yourself to that kind of treatment. Give him an ultimatum. Either he quits the booze and hanging around with that woman, or he has to go!!! Alcoholics only get worse as the years progress. Don't back down or you will waste precious years of your life in misery. I know, I wasted 12 of mine, and I can't get them back!!

Answer 9

I wouldn't stay with a man like that. You must decide if you are willing to put up with his behavior if not. Leave him and don't look back. First make him aware of his choices that if he continues you will leave him. If he changes or you see him making a good attempt at changing you will stay.

Answer 10

Time to set the record straight, if he's doing this, what else is he doing. Tell him to hit the road and don't think about coming back unless he's in a program to stop this crap.