Poem, pls dont read if you take offence to blood etc. I keep getting violation notices!?

Question

The darkness is consuming
I can feel the pressure of the silence
My soul feels like bursting
Hear pumping
Throbbing

Silver is the steel
Casting of a tiny shard of light
In the middle of the blackness
I steady my hand
Cutting

Brigh red blood s
Falls in quite drops
Bringing relief from the pain
I smile
Sighing

They dont understand
Shaking heads in disbelief
This is my disease, cross to bear
I finally i admit that i am
Addicted

Copy and past wont work, had to re-type. See I made some typo's..sorry!

Dearest Nad, poetry is a form of expression and is an outlet for one's feelings! If you dont like the content, close your screen, you dont have to be sad because of what you read!
I post because it is my right, as it is your right to post your comments!
Good luck and enjoy your happy life!

Answer 1

Hello Leigh,

I'm sorry you're getting violation notices. I have never read anything by you that deserves a violoation--and in poetry especiallly it should be difficult to warrant one--sadly, it probably isn't.

I've overlooked the typos, copy and pasting, can do that. As Elaine points out you have a good sense of rhythm. These lines are very good (you could remove "of" though):

Silver is the steel
Casting of a tiny shard of light

What you may want to think about for content like this is changing how you lead up to it. What I mean is the cutting itself isn't what's interesting. What's interesting is the final verse here. Where you begin to describe what causes the need. Exploring that more, and then showing the cutting quickly and ending with a line like "I smile" might be more powerful. What I'd like to see from you here is to go one layer below. If you had opened with your final stanza and kept us guessing longer, I think it would have been stronger.

I like your writing Leigh (not a topic I'm particualar fond of, but I often write on topics others aren't fond of either so that's okay). I just want to suggest some different angles of approach here.

I hope some of that helps.

Take care

Answer 2

You have some concept of rhythm. You really need to use SOME punctuation. If you want to do without punctuation, don't capitalize the first word of each line; it's confusing. Keep trying; eventually you'll write a memorable poem. Meanwhile, if what you write is true, seek help or you won't live long enough to become a famous poet!

Answer 3

Superb

Answer 4

Without all the poetry jargon and to keep it simple for the readers, that was an awsome poem written with depth that most won't see to touch. keep expressing, never give up, never give in.

Answer 5

Geez! Are you gonna O.D. On Secanol or something?
Why is a group of whales called a "Pod"? I dunno, but I'm not going to go all off into the "blue-death-poetry" because of it.
Hell, man! You are seemingly the epitomy of "Misery Loving Company". It isn't your place to attempt to bring everyone else down because you can't manage to handle life.
Just stay at home. in your toilette, and flush yourself. It is the only advice I would have for those who wish to follow you down the tube.


Nad

Answer 6

Addicted to disease.......If you enjoy it, then go for it. just be careful, because your addiction can be hazardous.

poetry rating 8/10

rating based on word passion, and clarity of the message.

Answer 7

good... not VERYgood....

i think the structure is superb though you don't carry it onto every stanza?? why not??

actually... on the second read... it gets better...

Answer 8

moving , very very , moving

i hope that you have a wonderful life

all the best
Ian