What would you do please?

Question

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, married for 1. He runs his own business and literally works 7 days a week. I told him before we got married I couldn’t deal with having no time together and he either needed to make time for us or let me go and he promised to make time for us. 15 months later nothing has changed. I have told him how I feel over and over and there is nothing more I can say or do to change anything. I have worked my hours and social life around his working life and can’t do any more. If he was a horrible person it would be easier because I would leave but he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it’s making me so unhappy. I honestly believe he does love me and wants to spend time with me but it seems to be just the pressure of work getting in the way. We had a big conversation (again) about this last week and again he has made promises, how long do I leave it this time before I have to have the conversation again though. What would you do?

Answer 1

The chances he is ever going to change his priorities are slim. You have known him for 7 years; long enough to understand that this is just the way he is. The only thing you can do now is to try to get the best out of the situation. Is there any way you can start working for him? He might not like the idea, but who knows... At least you are together. Maybe things will improve after he retires. Try not to stress about it so much, even though it is very hard.

Answer 2

Life isn't perfect. Your husband has drive, and I'm sure wants to give the two of you a great life. Sometimes you work around each other, sometimes you give a little when you feel like you just can't give anymore. I don't see my husband for a week at a time. Not out of choice, but out of him wanting to provide for his family and give them a good life...how could something be more special? You can't marry someone expecting them to change. He has worked hard for his business and it is a big part of his life. Time together doesn't always have to be candles and roses. Set some of your time aside and help him out with the business...be with him, support him, and it may come back to you...and free up some of his time. Take charge of your own happiness, find ways around this, you can do it.

Answer 3

How do you expect him to keep you in the life style that you have grown accustom to, if he doesn't keep his business going? It is early in your marriage to be demanding things. Right now he's trying to secure a future for his family. Try looking at it from his side. Maybe there are some things you can help with in the business that will open up more free time for him. If not, don't be selfish. You could be here complaining that your husband is lazy and won't provide for you. Be grateful for having a husband who cares about your future. Just utilize what time you do have together, to make it more special. Try thanking him for working so hard instead of complaining. Remember, you have to give a little to get a little!

Answer 4

You asked him to make a decision as to which was more important, work, or you, and it seems that he has made his decision. Either that, or he is so focused on providing a good life for you financially, that he is losing focus on the things that really count.

If nothing has changed in 15 months, chances are very good there will be many more years of this. He needs to take your needs into account, and if he is not willing to cut back on work so that he can be with you, then it's time for you to make a decision.

Take him to counseling with you, maybe he'll see what he is doing to you and to your relationship.

If that doesn't work, you'll have to make some hard decisions as to whether to stay with him and continue to be lonely and unhappy, or look for someone else who will take your needs into account.

As for this time, I'd give it 3-4 months. If nothing has changed, tell him you can't rely on him to keep his promises and that you want him to go to counseling with you.

Best of luck........

Answer 5

Make a date with your husband, and don't talk about work at all. The object of the date is for you to enjoy being with one another, with no pressure about "real life". Maybe if you do this a few times, then he will realize what he is missing out on by spending so much time at work. If this doesn't work, then start to do things without building your schedule without his schedule having an effect. Maybe if you are not so available to him, he will come around.

Answer 6

I was involved with this myself but, my wife stood by me, it involved our lifestyle, we had an outlook for the future. We knew it takes good money to be happy and, have what you want out of life. Life isn't all lovey dovey and, hugging an kissing. Unless your very rich and don't have to watch your money you can do what you want.

I think your selfish for wanting him home and, around you, for your own purpose. He's trying to make a living and, giving you what you want. why don't you support him in his endeavors.

My wife and I worked for twenty years in our business and, seven days a week, sometimes up to twenty hours a day. We both retired at fifty years old, our own home and a new car paid for along with a very nice boat and well off.

My son did the same thing, he retired with his wife at forty five, following my ideals and they're both very well off, time for themselves and a huge pleasure boat. A very nice home in the country with a private lake.

I guess it's what you want out of life. Life is hard, from that first slap on the butt, there's no insurance on it, you have to work for it. Apparently your not ready to work for it, you want to play. I would suggest you go your way and let him be free. do your thing, whatever that is, maybe someday you'll meet, see where he is and look to see where your at, see if you get what you want. Good luck.

Answer 7

According to you, you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. What would I do? If I felt I loved a man and the only problem was that there isn't much together time. I would make the best of the times we are able to be together.

Answer 8

im with a man who owns his own business. he does the best he can with me. dont leave this man, he works hard to provide you with shelter and make sure you are taken care of. i love the man im with regardless if he cant make the time because he is busy. being the boss is no easy task but the payoff in the end will be well worth it. im sure that he would like to spend time with you. you must understand the pressure hes under. it wouldnt be fair to him for you to ask him to give up and stop being the man hes trying to be. when my hubby comes home he knows hes got a wife that loves him and is there to listen to all his troubles. and hes thankful for that. im sure your husband is like mine- the best part of the day is coming home to you. if you truly love this man like he loves you then you'll be there for him. he'll love you all the more for it because you was there.

Answer 9

sounds to me like you have a great man , he is simply trying to make a good life for you and he doesn't realize that this is causing him to miss life with you. let him know that you appreciate all that he is doing instead of nagging him for doing it. this will lower his defense, then let him know that you are willing to sacrifice some income to spend some time with the man you love. God outlined our work week as 6 days,(gen. chap. 1) and after 6 days God himself rested. remember it is not your spouses job to make you happy, happiness is only found one place (in the presence of the Lord is fullness of joy ) marriage is not about finding the right person its about being the right person. loosen up. no man wants to spend the day with a grieving wife that wants to spend the very few precious moments they get to be together whining about never getting to be together. he thinks he is doing a good thing for you by providing, a mans job is his pride so you need to be sensitive to that and love him for it show him how much you appreciate his effort. then he will start making time for you. i promise ! I know this from personal experience , most importantly PRAY!!! i recommend the book "THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE" by Stormy Omartain. my wife saved our marriage by reading this book

Answer 10

Well it seems that it is really very difficult for your husband to manage his time. Is it possible for you to help him out with his business? That way you can do things together and perhaps if things are done faster with the two of you working together, then you can have time to do other things afterwards.