I loaned a friend money it was until she sold her house?

Question

Things though haven't worked to plan because of the housing market here. She put the money on a new house and told me last week that she had asked the builder for an extension on the waiting period as she couldn't sell. She told me in a "by the way" fashion that the builder had given the extension "indefinatley"meaning if it takes a year then that would be ok. My problem is that I loaned the money 7 months ago and I don't think I can go a year or even 6 months without it. Would it be mean to ask her about this?

Hi, thanks for all your comments, we did make a written agreement so I am covered in that way, I did know that it was for her house too and she didn't foresee the market falling as I didn't. Realistically even if she sold her house in the next few months it would mean that it would be 08 before I got it back and she has every intention of sticking to that. What I thought she might do though before looking for the ex (which she did get) that she would have asked me could I hold out, my circumstances have changed and I simply cannot. I do know the rule about friends and money but this was her dream house and I acted as afriend, those rules apply to the people taking the money too.

Hi purple, I had an accident last year and a relapse recently on the injury because I had time off earlier in the year and now again I am only entitled to be paid from my job until next month, after that I have no pay. I am a single mum so it is urgent.

Answer 1

Your friend should have asked you if it was okay to extend the loan repayment due to the low market rather than telling you nonchalantly that she told this to the builder. It seems your friend is slightly punking you. Has she has made the terms rather than yourself. She must believe you do not have the balls to speak up for your own interests.I would have a lawyer draw up a contract immediately and if friend is upset about this then you know what kind of friend you endear. I chose a long time ago not to loan large money to friends as it almost always dissolves the friendship. Future dealings you should always have a contract drawn up. Good Luck

Answer 2

I would tell your friend that you realize her payment agreement was based on when she sold the house. However you assumed that the sale would happen in a reasonable amount of time and that this is taking much longer than you expected.
Tell her that you are financially strapped right now and you do not think you can hang on much longer without repayment. You could ask her if she would be able to payback at least a portion of what she owes to keep you going until the sale. At which time she can re-pay the remainder. That is if she is unable to find another source that would allow her to pay her debt in full right now.

If she makes no effort to repay you when you tell her you are strapped, she is not a very good friend. You did her a huge favor and she should care enough about you to make sure that you and your credit are protected. Otherwise this would be a matter you may have to settle in court.

Answer 3

Sounds like she "bent" the rules a bit. If the agreement was until she sold her house, then you should have put a time limit on it, because she still has not sold her house. However, she tied up your money on another house, which apparently was not the agreement. I would discuss this with her, and look at her agreement with the bulder. If he changed it to indefinitely, which I doubt if he did, but they both signed it, etc., then you might be on the hook, but ask her to see the contract between the builder and herself, and then determine what to do. I would definitely ask her about it, and then maybe mention indefinite was not the agreement, but until she sold the house, could be indefinite in this kind of a market. If you have a written agreement with her, you always want a time limit. You could say, until she sells her house, but not to limit a certain time limit, and then you could say, at which time you could re-negotiate the time, as you might need your money. Always put an escape clause in there, or have that agreement. It is best to put it in writing. Yours was an oral agreement and hers was a written agreement, not good. An oral agreement will still carry somee wait in court, but a written one is much better and probably the only way you can get out of it. Can she prove it was your money she put down, etc.

Answer 4

That is a really hard one and I have been in a similar situation. I suppose I would never lend any amount that I wasn't prepared to give away to my friend, cos once they have the money it is an invisible wedge, cos you will always be thinking, 'when can I have it back?', 'why are you going on holiday but not paying me what you owe?'.

Is it an emergency that you have the money back or are you looking to release the unspoken 'tension' that this has obviously caused? She probably did it in a 'by the way' fashion cos she didn't know how to bring it up.

You could have a heart to heart if it is really bad. Or you could try to let it go until she pays up. Unless she is a fantastic mate, I would probably go with later, cos if you are not as straight as an arrow with your feelings, she may take offence and you may get your money quicker but lose your friend.

Answer 5

When lending friends money, you should (if its going to be difficult to manage without it) be some sort of written agreement as to when she pays it back..

A few years ago, I was friendly with a woman 15 years older than me.. I had more income and when her refirdgerator broke down I offered to buy her a new one... We agreed that, I would pay the deposit...she would pay the installments of £10 per month, for 6 months then at the end of that time, pay the rest off.. £150...

I was a young naive fool!! She never gave me any of the money!! We fell out and never spoke again.. She thought I was out of order as it wasnt a lot of money... But it was my money and I was so annoyed!

You really shouldnt have leant it to her if you couldnt afford it.. The only way round it is to just tell her, I leant you the money, I actually need it back as Im struggling...

Though, she probably thinks if it was dispoable income to you then, you can live without it.. Things like this fester and eat away at us.. If you want to keep the friendship, just tell her today.

Answer 6

No, it would not be mean.

You need to sit you friend down for a chat about this so both of you are clear about repaying this money. Many people shy away from conversation like this when friends are involved in money, believing it will hurt a friendship.

However, the fact of the matter is, if both of you have different ideas about how/when to repay the loan it will start to breed resentment.

So my advice to you is to think about exactly WHEN you need this money back. Then talk to your friend to try and work through this.

In the end though, I live by one saying 'don't lend what you can't afford to giveaway.' Meaning if you couldn't afford to give this money away to a friend, then you probably shouldn't be lending it in the first place.

Answer 7

The best way to lose a friend is to lend them money. The second best way is to ask them for it back. If you had an agreement in writing which she signed try the Small Claims Court. If you had a verbal agreement it isn't worth the paper it wasn't written on. In either case ask her for the return of your money and say goodbye to friendship.

Answer 8

Ask her for the money back in a lump sum or in installments if neither is forthcoming you may have to go to small claims court. I really hope you dont have to do this, however a good friend would be making every effort to pay you back and it sounds as if she is stalling you. As a general rule friendship and the loaning and borrowing of money dont mix well.

Answer 9

If you don't think you can live without it then I don't think you have a choice but to ask her about it. Just try to be polite and give her plenty of lead time so she can work something out.

In general, when you loan friends or family money it's a risky business. Right or wrong, it's best to go in knowing that you may never see it again and hoping that you will.

Answer 10

If she is your friend then she probably knows about your situation and either feels bad that she can't pay you back right now or she is all about herself and her needs. I would talk to her and see if she could get your money back to you sooner rather than later. But a deal is a deal and if you have to wait, it really was the agreement to start with.