You have no sword
Yet you pierce my heart
You have no heart
Yet it is cold
You are blind
Yet you see right through me
I know your lying
But I believe every word that falls from your lips
You have caused my eyes to dim
But they still behold your beauty
Your actions are callus
Yet your touch is soft
You break my heart
And I still come back for more
2007-09-06 19:30:16 · 12 answers · asked by Cindy 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I like it except for misspelling, callus, and this ambivalent bit:
You have no heart
Yet it is cold
So what is "it" that is cold if there is no heart?
Reconsider the lines and polish it for it is very exciting and deep.
2007-09-06 20:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This poem, sad as it is, applies to our daughter and son-in-laws relationship. Your poem is a great poem and flows really well. Remember, poems don't all have to rhyme to be a perfect 10 out of 10.
God Bless
2007-09-06 19:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by birdtennis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea but the skills stumble.
2007-09-06 21:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by dimapoet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very poetic! I like it! A bit of Shakespeare with a hint of Voltaire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-07 03:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by allspiceglitter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's bee-yoo-tiful!!!
finally, a great non-rhyming poem (you don't come across these too often).
very nice!
2007-09-06 22:22:15 · answer #5 · answered by qwerty u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't like it sorry...whoops sorry...
No I think it is great it is touchy and I like your metaphor.
2007-09-06 21:11:45 · answer #6 · answered by Aquamarine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwwww! Yes
2007-09-06 19:39:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wish i could meet this gr8 bard!
2007-09-07 03:09:32 · answer #8 · answered by aditi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummmm...
The idea is good... though a bit stale...
and the skills are good... but what is "it" that is cold??
2007-09-06 23:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by vitania 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad.
2007-09-06 19:39:45 · answer #10 · answered by Dallas S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋