Why would a man want his wife to be with other men sexually?

Question

My husband has a fantasy of me being with other men sexually while he watches. What is that all about?

He says it turns him on and that he doesn't want to be with other women. I just don't understand the turn on part of me being with someone else. I don't think that I could ever do it. I would feel like I was betraying him.

Answer 1

Everyone has fantasies. From the sedate to the outrageously kinky...we all have curiosities. Sharing fantasies with our spouse is healthy...and it helps us understand each other sexually...
BUT where this can be a problem is when we try to act them out...especially when the fantasy involves bringing another person or persons into the bedroom. We often have the whole scenario already acted out in our heads....but when things don't go as we imagined...we are often disappointed or worse...and it can put an even bigger strain on a marriage.
Seeing one's spouse with another is a common fantasy (More common in men...but women have this one too!)...It's partly due to the idea that a man wants reassurance that other men find his wife sexually attractive...coupled with the idea that his wife would do ANYTHING...including infidelity..to satisfy her man. Many men want to see their wifes having sex with another so they can envision them like a porn star...SEE them having sex, rather than have sex with them (Where visibility is limited to "Point of View" rather than from an outsiders vantage point).
Often this fantasy comes crashing down if the wife seems to be having a "little more fun" with the outsider than she has with the husband...then jealousy kicks in and now you have a disappointed, angry husband that is now blamming you for enjoying it TOO much!
I can't express enough how important it is to keep this fantasy what it is...a FANTASY....talk about it...when the 2 of you are making love--rollplay...tell him to imagine another man touching you. Make a home-made porn movie of the 2 of you and let him watch--masturbate in front of him...let him watch...Do anything to make yourself part of his visual fantasy without involving someone else...
Even the most secure marriages can develop cracks once the fidelity is broken....YES there are those who enjoy "open" marriages...but that ONLY works when BOTH parties are open...and their relationship is very secure. It never works when one party just does it to satisfy the other...Guilt, jealousy, envy, resentment...all these emotions can surface, causing a LOT more pain than simply having an unfulfilled fantasy.
Obviously you love your husband...or you wouldn't be considering this...and he does love you or he wouldn't make you the object of his fantasies...but keep this one in your heads...Many fantasies are so much better when they stay that way.
Good Luck to you both!

Answer 2

You answered your own question, it is his fantasy. There is not a rational answer as to why, he just does. Some people like playing with feet, some like pretending they are horses, some like being tied up and some like to be spanked. There are as many different fantasies as there are people. This is one that is tough though. Would you like to have other male partners? Would it bother you to have sex with someone that your husband picked for you even though you don't like him? Remember it is your body and you have the right to say no. Also, after the first time, he may find out he really doesn't want to share you with other men. But before you decide to do this, you have to talk to him to make sure HE is sure about this. Some women have found this to be the best of cheating without cheating. They get to have sex with hot men and the husband enjoys his fantasy of watching. Good Luck and have fun.

Answer 3

The porn industry has made this a big turn on. Sex has become only a form of physical enjoyment which it was meant to be alot more. Biblically it suggest that the joining of two people is not only physical, but spiritual.

Men are visual creatures and are in general lazy and don't want to figure out ways to spice up their sex life. They are mostly into the physical release and very rarely take the time in foreplay to show physical/spiritual love.

I don't want to be with another man while my husband watches. Sounds degrading to me. It could also lead to many problems. No matter how careful you are there are way too many diseases out there that can find a way.

Answer 4

My wife and I have been approached by other couples looking to swap. In the moment, the thought of this possibility was a turn on for both of us, even though we never followed through. We did openly discuss it and we each got a thrill of seeing each other getting turned on by the possibility. I genuinely liked seeing that side of my wife s sexuality. It made me see her as a more complete person and as a complex sexual being with desires and fantasies beyond the boundaries of our bedroom and marriage. Knowing that my wife is a healthy, robust, complex sexual being gets me pumped up and all the more desirous of her. And, my wife s thoughts are very similar about my reaction. She gets a thrill out of what she calls "how much I like women". We know that the fantasies are in our minds, and we try to never let it get to the point where the fantasy becomes more important than our desire for each other.

Answer 5

Its a really common desire amoung married men. I have seen polls that say something like 25% at least. Its because they want to see you as desireable by other men, its because they like the pain of jealousy on some level, and seeing you with another man means they still have to pursue and at some level compete for you, just like they did when they were dating you. Those are just a couple of the reasons.

We live in open marriage of the sort where I am with other men from time to time, but he remains monagamous and we love the lifestyle. Consider it if your relationship is strong, you will not believe how great it is and the positive effect it has on your husband

Answer 6

We went to an online place and found a guy I thought other women would not find attractive and when introduced to my wife she said no. But after she did and he did her for hours and hit all the right spots she became totally addicted. She did things with him that she never did with me and this turned me on. Like lick his *** and let him do her anally. He made her continually orgasm. I know she loves him but says she will stay faithful to me because I am allowing her to do this and there have been other men and could be again. I love that someone else finds her that attractive and I love seeing her helpless and out of control BUT in a safe setting. I video and could get involved but haven't yet. I am surprised I am not jealous and get the most enjoyment seeing her expressions and looks in her eyes when she looks at him when she orgasms and says she loves him and would crawl miles on her hands and knees just to receive his services. If any man could feel what we feel inside of her they'd all be standing in line to wait their turn. Next?

Answer 7

First, it is powerful to have something that other men covet, and it is exciting to watch the one you love getting sexually fulfilled with his blessing. it is not cheating if he is involved which allows the wife to expand her horizons while the man is feeling like he is involved.

Answer 8

it could be that he feels he cannot satisfy you..and that another man can do the job..or he could be gay..an want to join in..yikes..talk to him let him know that you love him and are not comfortable with being with another man..let alone if he watches.if he cant understand that..let him go an be with a guy..then move on..and find somebody else..GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

open relationship, maybe he wants this to be vice versa and if he's okay with you being with other men sexually, maybe you will be okay with him being with other women sexually? i'm not sure.

Answer 10

for fun and excitement.