What can I do about my marriage?

Question

I have been married for 6 years. Up until recently I have had 2 instances where I drank too much and said mean things and don't remember anything.. Both times we agreed I would work on it. Last weekend was my 30th b-day and my husband could not be with me he had too work so I was up north with my kids and sister.. I got really drunk again, did not intend too and I feel awful..this time I just acted like a goofy drunk but the kids saw and my husband is really upset and is giving me one more chance? I feel like I don't know where to start I am hurt because nothing was done for by birthday but that is no excuse for what I did.. I feel terrible and I don't like that I have one more chance it feels like I am on trial(I plan to never drink again) I just need some advice on how to feel better about myself and for my husband to support me more

Answer 1

Dont drink! It might help the situation out!

Answer 2

Praise your husband. Adore your husband. He knows what is good for you, your children and your marriage. You have a problem sweetie, and you don't see it. Drinking until you "don't remember" is beyond social drinking. "Goofy" is your word for it. Drinking more than you intend means that you are crossing the line into excess and compulsion. You have lost control and all sense of proportion and propriety when it comes to alcohol.

You could lose the respect of your children, or possibly custody, which is the worst thing of all. Be humble, quit thinking about your birthday. Think of how you can better honor your husband, your children and your marriage.

Alcoholics gratefully look back at the time they got a boot in the butt by someone they loved, before it was too late.

You are lucky you are getting a wake up call early in the game. You are on trial. He doesn't have to put up with it.

There are other women out there who would gladly raise your children for you while you go out and get "goofy".

Answer 3

Giving you an ultimatum is supporting you. If he ignored the behavior and let you go on with it, he'd be just as bad. He cares for your safety, the childrens well-being, and that's the right thing for him to do. If your drinking is a problem, you should not only stop, but get some help. And, if you already plan on never drinking again, what's the big deal? What if he told you you couldn't use a blue pen anymore? Would it matter? Probably not. It only seems like a big deal to you because it's hard, you know you made a mistake, and change is difficult. Good luck. I don't think he means any harm. It sound like he loves you and your children very much. Be thankful. Best of luck!

Answer 4

Well drinking 3 times in the past 6 yrs does not make you a drunk, that is for sure.

It almost sounds like you have and adverse reaction to alcohol, IE; it effects you much greater than normal.

Anyhow, I feel your husband should first go walk on water and then give you the ultimatum because he is sounding like he thinks he is perfect and never done anything silly or wrong.

I think laying off the booze is probably a good idea for you because of your reaction to it, not that others don't get drunk, but usually they don't get mean and insulting, etc.

I think your husband could have approached this situation with a lot more understanding and less threats.

Good luck to you both

Answer 5

Obviously you should not drink, then go to AA. You have made bad choices. You sound spoiled. I am sure your husband would have rather been with you on your birthday. Yet you sulk, drink to much. There he is out there earning money to support you and the kids...If you do not take care of this drinking there will be a divorce and he may file for custody of the kids. To you, you acted like a goofy drunk, to others you were offensive. What a role model you are to your kids. I hope this is a wake up call to you, you have been given one last chance..Good luck!

Answer 6

Good idea not to drink again. See if you can do it. You have a drinking problem. Not that you drink too often, but when you do drink, you don't know how to stop. It's a real good example to set for your kids, isn't it? I can only imagine what sort of response you would have made, had it been the guy abusing the alcohol and being a pratt. Lack of support seems to be an excuse for everything. Doesn't it? You are on trial. Your choice from here.

Answer 7

You sound like you might have a chance. Not much of one but maybe.
It's quite obvious that you should stop drinking. Hey, we all drink and want to get a little stupid once in a while.......Big Deal!
You've obviously gone past the borders of "Fun". You're now into screwing everything up for the chance to keep a buzz going.............You're husband is going to leave you, your kids will learn about you very soon and you will be sitting in a bar or at your kitchen table telling yourself what losers they are.
I hope none of your kids are girls. They will follow in your footsteps. You sound like a really GREAT teacher of daughters.
Hey, maybe it's Karma. I guess the world needs drunken bad mothers too.
Get away from them and just go to a large city. A bed in the gutter and sucking wieners for beer money would be a very smart thing to do...........Once hubby throws you the hell out, it'll be too late to wise up.

Answer 8

Drank too much? Alcohol triggers something in your brain. I know other people who are the nicest and most gentle people until they take a drink. Honey you are an alcoholic. Get professional help quick. You will not be able to stay away from the alcohol as you have planned. Run for help are your marriage is over. And your husband will have the kids. Best wishes to you. And i will remember you in prayer.

Answer 9

The first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your actions and admit you DO have a problem with alcohol. You are a "functioning alcoholic". Seek out a local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous for 'yourself' because you know that if you don't seek help and accept the help you need to get better for YOU, that you won't be happy and won't be able to make anyone else happy either. Once you start to do this for yourself, your husband may be more supportive because he will see you are serious about cleaning up your act. Nobody can 'make you' get help though. YOU have to want it for yourself or it won't work. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Well, you need to look for professional help in your problem, and to compromise yourself into the program they'll give you, then you will do something for real for your health and it will show also in your relationship, both your husband and your kids.

Drinking problems can be solved, but sometimes it needs help, but not just from family they already are trying in their own way, but that's not all, from an expert it can be erradicated, but what it makes it to really keep in the good track is ONLY YOU.

Your compromise, or your word on stop drinking it will make any program to work, or the contrary.

Good luck, and beat the vice.

Answer 11

Sit down with your husband and tell him that while what you did was wrong you are hurt that nothing was done for your birthday. Sounds like you are a mean drunk. I personally would rather have a cheating spouse than a spouse that turns mean when they drink. And kids don't think mommy or daddy drunk is funny. It sticks with them forever. Then one day you have a teen that resents you because they are a teen and drinks because mom or dad seems to think it is okay for them and it's funny for them, so geez it couldn't be too bad.
Maybe the drinking is the problem. Maybe he resents it and maybe you do it a little too much.