Please HELP?

Question

Since a while, it seems like my husband wants to spend a lot of time with his friends. I am not sure if he was just like that since he was too busy the first 3 years of marriage. Now the forth year of marriage and he wants to be with other guys friends. He goes 2-3 days a week. If he can't go, he makes it seem like its because of me he doesn't go. I stay at home and take care of our 2 year old. He has nothing to worry about at home. last two month, he had to leave away from home due to his job change. We had some financial crisis, so, this month I am working. For work, I have to go to my mom's house. But it doesn't matter to him how long I am gone. 2-3 weeks and that's fine, although I need to be there no more then 1 week and we have already stayed away from each other for 2months in last 3 months!! Is there a logical explanation for this? or am I being too emotional about him? When I talk to him regarding this, he says 'he doesn't care if i go'. I feel worthless no matter what i do.

when i ask him that he is trying to live a bachelor life.. if he spends that much time with his guys friends, he says that how do i know that married people dont do that? since he has no married friends. And he seems to be looking for single guys even if i tell him to make friends that are married.
also, he feels that males are on top of the women. He doesn't see women to be very smart.. I know it sounds very bad but he is not a very bad person. I know that if i want to stay with him I have to deal with that problem and I am trying. In the beginning, I had too much problems.. and we had too much of arguments due to this but now, i have accepted this. but i think he still goes back in time, and feels that I was very argumentative at the beginning of our marriage.. now we have problem of these guy friends of his!!!!!!
What could be the reason for all these? Am I being too emotional? he says he is practical and I am not.. so, he can't do anything about it.. and now he doesn't care..

Answer 1

guys are too childish in general... they don't walk with their feelings, but with their mind, women walk with their feeling.
Your husband don't miss you when you away as much as you would miss him when he's away... but trully he love you with his mind.
I was like you once, my husband and I barely met each other because of our schedule, when he's off, he wants to hang out with his friend and me, but i want to hang out with him alone. it sound ridiculous to him, i was so upset.. finally i try not to think about spending time with him. I let him go with his friend, i stay home, and I don't even bother to ask him to go with me when i need to go shopping. Now he does the other way around... he wants to go with me.

men are like that, if you chase on them, they will run from you, if you stop then they start wondering and looking for you...
maybe it's time to let him see your relationship in his own way...

Answer 2

Honey, your husband needs to grow up. It sounds like you guys are going through some difficult times and he's hanging out with his buddies so that he doesn't have to face the reality of your situation. By claiming that men are superior to women, he can avoid that whole "But I might suck anyway" sort of thing that accompanies hard times. Most men feel, regardless of the fact that their wives may earn more than they (I do), that they should be the breadwinners in the family. When they're not the major wage-earner, they tend to feel undervalued and can act really crappy to their partners.
He probably doesn't care if you're gone for a long period of time because your presence can represent a living breathing image of his own failures as a person. What you two will have to do is work on the relationship first, then the problems: until the relationship is on firmer footing there's little point in working on the problems with money or friends.
I've been recommending Harville Hendrix's book, "Getting the Love you Want" for years. It's helped us deal with our issues. My spouse didn't "have time" to read it but changing my own attitude caused a seismic shift in our relationship.

Answer 3

First of all does your guy REALIZE he got a wife and kid who need him and wanna spend time with him.....thats normal and a normal guy would want to take time for his family so is there a bit of a problem ,Yes I think so ....nothing to do with being too emotional or him too practical.You got married for some reason and you got pregnant for a reason so he should act more like a responsible ,caring dad.Ok if he wants to spend some nights with friends thats fine but you guys should make some schedule for quality time TOGETHER and when he goes out , YOU should have a girlsnight too or atleast 1 evening off.....if you both are not willing to make time and do familystuff then you aint much of a proper family anyway

Answer 4

You are wrong he is a bad person.He is a bigot because he looks down on woman.He is a self centered immature person.A father and a husband should be home with his family not hanging around with his single friends.He has a responsibility to be there for his child.If you knew what he was doing when he goes out I don't think you would approve.
Don't put up with this nonsense .If he doesn't want to be married any more there is nothing you can do .Face the reality of this situation .You are not and cannot be happy unless your husband grows up.If he doesn't change his ways consider serving him with divorce papers,maybe that will smarten him up.If not than prepare to start a new life without him.Good luck.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound to me as if he is matured enough to be married. He sounds extremely selfish to me. I have been married nearly six years and I can't stand to be away from my wife for even one minute. If he is happy to stay away two out of three months, then there is a serious problem. If it wasn't for the fact you are married and there is a child involved I would tell you straight away to dump him and get on with your life. But, I think you need some serious marriage counselling. Maybe try arranging for one day a week where he can go and be with his friends, but for the rest of the time he needs to be a husband and father, his family should come first.
The other thing to consider is that he may be cheating on you and that is why he is happy for you to go away, it makes his cheating easier.
I don't envy you at all. Good Luck, I think you need it.

Answer 6

It sounds like he's enjoying his cake and eating it to. He's a married man with a child and it's time to be at home doing family things. That's what his problem is, all of his friends are single and he thinks its ok to behave that way. You both need some married friends that you can do normal stuff with. It sounds like he needs to grow up and decide what he really wants. The single life or his family.

Answer 7

Leave him with the kid, and go out 2 - 3 times a week and let him know how it feels. If he does not respond, then take your child and start over. And make him support you as well.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's trying to re-live the glory days. I don't think you are overreacting about him not caring if you are gone for a week at a time. Im sorry to say it, but things don't sound very promising for the future of your marrige.

Answer 9

My husband is similar. My advice is try to compromise and he can go out 1-2 times a week. Or you get to go with him or with your friends. Take your emotions and cut them in half. Don't stress too much. And you could have a designated family night and he has to spent quality time with you two. I hope I've helped.

Answer 10

He is at best trying to live vicariously through his friends, and at worst, cheating.

There is not much you can do because you cannot control him. Either this is a phase and it will pass or you will lose him completely.

But please don't freak out. No matter what happens, you will live your life directed by fate. .. Just like the rest of us.