My mom and I have always had a crappy relationship, for the most part. She refuses to call my son by his name, she claims she can't pronounce it. The thing is that no matter what I've told my mom or even told her that it hurts my feelings that she won't call him by his name she really doesn't seem to care, she still calls him "baby". She told me straight out that she hates his name and the day I told her what his name was she told me that I better not put that on his birth certificate. How do I deal with this? She is trying to get my older children to call him another name as well and she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to do that.
2007-09-06 15:44:34 · 29 answers · asked by Mama Kitty 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Baby Names
his name is Ezra
2007-09-07 07:44:54 · update #1
gosh, if you don't stand up to your mom you will repeat this behaviour generation after generation.
Read up on passive agressive behavior.
If your mom can't be nice........then she is not in your life. It is her choice. Maybe get some counseling to learn how to stand up to her.
When she comes over.....tell her that you are the mom here.....hand her a set of boundries (sounds better than rules)
Tell her, that this is YOUR home and you want your children to live in a friendly peaceful enviroment and if she can't do that. Then she can't come over. She will throw a fit. YOu can't give in to her. It will be her choice what she needs to do to be part of your family
Make statments like this ......WHEN you say (fill in ths space)
you make me feel (fill in the space)
For instance "mom when you come over and disrespect me as a mother I feel betrayed and belittled. I ask you to please respect my wishes to call the baby by his name. If you can't do that then you need to stay at home until you can use his name." Never lower yourself to how she talks and is demanding. Say things matter of fact and not belittling her.
Don't be in the circle of anger that defines your family members.
A great book.....saved my life. The Dance of ANger
And a book about boundries.
My mother drove us all nuts. I am the only one who has set boundries. She is now very careful about what she says and how she says things.
Sometimes our parents are stil children and we have to be the grown ups.
I wish you well. Remember you are the mom, it is your family, your kids, your life, your rules. You can never please your mother so stop trying.
If you can't change her......you change how you react to her.
You have let her berate you......she is used to it. It is time to stop.
Best of luck.
PS I wanted to add one more thing. The best thing to do is not lose your temper with her. It will drive her nuts if you speak to her nicely. It might be hard to do, but you have to do this or it will end up in a shouting match and no oone wins or listens. Add that to your list of boundries.
It took me years to learn this stuff. Once I was visiting my mother. I was going to spend a couple of days....but she got argumentive and defensive for no reason at all. I talked to her nicely. I went to her guest room. Got my suitcase etc.
Walked up to her while she was crying...no one loves me...I am a bad mom(in the past she got people trying to comfort her ick) Instead I kissed her on the cheek and said . I love you mom, but I no longer get into passive agressive defensive arguments with anyone. I said it so nice and peaceful. I nicely said. I need to get home tonight. I will talk to you next week.
She stood there with her mouth wide open, she was shocked....she wasn't getting her way like she has sinse she was a child throwing a fit. A few times of this and she now is very cautious about what she says to me. If she gets in one of her moods. I say excuse me I have to go to the bathroom. or I quickly change the subject.. I just don't give her a chance to get nasty anymore. I can't change her......so I have changed how I respond to her. You can do this too. Start now or you will life a long life of being stressed out by her. If she doesn't talk to you for a year. Call her and nicely say. hi mom....we miss you.....come on over please. If she starts yelling at you. Say to her......"sorry mom, you can't come over if you behave like that" bye. She will eventually learn that you are the boss of your family as you and your husband should be. You will be amazed at how relaxed life can be without all the hassles.
If she really can't pronounce the baby's name......ask her to call the baby honey, or sweetie. BUT no way can she use another name for the baby. Stand firm. And please protect your other kids from this madness. They will learn from you how to deal with things.
2007-09-06 16:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What's the name???
2007-09-06 15:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by Who's sarcastic? 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Talk to your children privately. Explain that while grandma may not use your son's name...the rest of you will, regardless of what Grandma says.
Then, ignore it. Eventually, your son will be old enough to object (if he so desires) and then your Mom will have a more difficult time.
The thing is, once she sees you don't bristle every time she calls him baby, she'll tire of this game. It's not about the name...not really.
Ezra is an excellent name. Old testament...solid...not one of the ultra-popular Cookie Cutter names people are using nowadays. Great choice.
2007-09-06 16:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds horrible! I mean, I can understand if it's a foreign name or something and she genuinely has trouble pronouncing it, but she simply can't refuse to use it at all. And worse, trying to get your children to follow suit?! That is just ridiculous and completely uncalled for. It's hard to say without knowing the name in question, but I seriously doubt she has that much with it, to justify acting like this.
If she continues, I'd begin calling HER by some random name you know she won't care for. See how she likes it. Turn-about is fair play, after all. ;)
2007-09-06 15:55:20 · answer #4 · answered by Irish Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mother calmly and tell her that YOU made this child, YOU carried this child in YOUR body, YOU tend to him day and night, therefore YOU have earned the right to name him whatever YOUR heart desires. It's not her place to try to get your older children to refer to him as anything other than his birth name without your consent. Ask her if she'd be willing to come to an agreement somewhere in between. Think of a nickname that you both feel comfortable with, and that can be what she refers to him as. It will also be a new, special, unique connection she will share with him.
2007-09-06 16:29:50 · answer #5 · answered by rootsyone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to know the name to answer this question.... if it isn't to strange then she is out of line completely... if it is totally off-the-wall and stupid than she would be in the right because that is what the boy would get in school anyway and she was trying to prepare you for that. Let us know the name and we can better answer the question.... or is it that stupid of a name that you are afraid to say even on here??
2007-09-06 16:49:40 · answer #6 · answered by Jane D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. What a pickle.
Well, if she's going to call him 'Baby', that's not the end of the world. It would be better if she could come up with her own pet name for him, other than 'Baby'. You might even back off from your own resentment enough to work out a pet name with her.
However, her trying to get the other kids to call him something else is going too far. Sounds like it's time for a heart to heart with her. Tell her she is welcome in your house, calling your son by her pet name for him. But she is not welcome in your home undermining your authority for your other children.
While nobody wants to kick a child's grandparent out of their lives, in the end it is your family.
2007-09-06 16:22:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in agreement with others here.
Your mom is disrespectful to you by her behavior.
You are going to need a little tough love here and stand your ground . Be firm and tell mom that her behavior is unacceptable and that if she continues to undermine you by getting your other children to call their sibling by another name, then you will have no other recourse then to forbid the other children to see her.
Also let her know that she will not be welcome in your home
unless she can behave properly when it comes to your son .
Her behavior is childish.
2007-09-06 16:27:57 · answer #8 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom she got to pick your name and you got to pick your sons and she has to deal with it. Tell her she is being childish and you're gonna give her a nickname she might not like....
Have a heart to heart with you older children and explain that it hurts your feelings when grandma does this- maybe your kids will hit home to g-ma.
2007-09-06 16:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Kelli M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't like his name, let her ball him baby for a while. Later, maybe Honey... Does she like his middle name? Perhaps she could call him by that, or just by his first two initials. It would be a special name only Grandma
calls him.
2007-09-06 16:27:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, a lot of us are curious on the name, so can you divulge it? Also, if your mom is hell bent on calling him a different name, I would not let her see him or the family, and I would start calling her by a different name too.
2007-09-06 16:36:02 · answer #11 · answered by rabika97 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋