I just want out! I don't want this anymore!?

Question

I recently got married but have now realised it was the biggest mistake i ever made! I'm stuck, i can't change it, believe me i have tried! He is awful, a selfish arrogant man who becomes worse by the day! He was not like it in the beginning, not at all, perhaps a few things that niggled me but we all have our problems! Things are getting worse, i'm being ground into the dirt on a mental and emotional level and i can't take this! He is living in my home that i worked hard to pay for, and he doesn't care for anything, his excuse is that his name isn't on anything therefore it has nothing to do with him! He doesn't mind using everything though, my car, my motorbike... I loved my life before, but now i can't see a way out! I am starting to hate him and how he treats me, if he has been horrible in any way, it is me that sleeps in the spare room or on the couch, he must always have his comforts! I hate it, i hate him! What do i do? He has no intention on going anywhere!

We have no joint assets, although i did put turn my back account into a joint one last year! It's me that has to sleep on the couch too, not him!!! I also didn't think you could get divorced before the first year?

Answer 1

if you are this unhappy its not going to get any better so you need to do whatever you need to do to be happy! you cant live for anyone but yourself! if you want out girl get out! if you want to stay then try to work things out...but which ever one you decide make sure thats what YOU want because you deserve happiness!

Answer 2

Oh Lord!! The first year is always the worst! However, what he is doing sounds a little unhealthy and immature. He's obviously not respecting you or your home. And he sleeps on the couch? Have you asked him if he's happpy in the relationship? I know divorce sounds like a good option, but be prepared for how crappy you feel after you get a divorce. It kinda makes you feel like a failure, like your walking around with a big D on your forehead. Maybe counseling and seperation is best for right now until you can work things out or at least coome to an agreement.

Answer 3

Wow. One of the best things you did today was get it all into writing, how you are really feeling. It is healing to just say it outright. The next step is LAWYER. Thank God the answer is easy. You may even be able to qualify for one that doesn't cost anything. I would have you begin by consulting an attorney who will see you for no initial consultation fee. Have yourself well prepared ahead of time. Those free consultations are usually good for a half hour. I'll bet, based upon the clarity you put into the statement above, that you could give him a pretty good idea what you require well within the time frame of thirty minutes. Good luck to you, and don't give up. Best from, Chris.

Answer 4

Pray first. Stay calm there is a way out of the storm. He is just being selfish and rude and would do just about anything to hurt you at this point. He knows that you are through with him so he really doesn't care. I think that as you are going through this you should seek counseling and also if you are a christian to tune into a pastor called Joel Olsteen he is excellent and has cd's that he sells that you can listen too to edify yourself until that spouse of your's decides to move on. You have to kill him with kindness, treat him as if you would want him to treat you. I know your mouth just dropped open and you think I am crazy, but don't let him steal your joy. He is a person obviously with emotional troubles that he would treat his wife like this. Also if you keep making things comfortable for him your right he will never go anywhere why should he? Please a good therapist will give you much clarity and understanding as to why you ended up in a marriage like this, so the next relationship will be different. Good Luck and god bless

Answer 5

First of all I would like to sympathize with you, you definitely do not deserve this kind of treatment. He stays in the house you've worked so hard for, you have to pay everything & he doesn't do anything just because "his name isn't on anything therefore it has nothing to do with him"- That is really unfair. Sort things out, don't let him take advantage of someone like you. & you have to sleep on the couch? Girl have some dignity! Don't be dumb.

Contact a lawyer, you do not have to be treated this way. Seek help, get a divorce & start anew. You don't have to live life this way.

Best of luck, my dear.

Answer 6

Self doubt is never a good thing.....IGNORING what you're telling yourself is just plain stupid....

You will have to divorce him if you want out.... and be prepared to provide proof for your reasons for divorce......it would be a hell of a lot easier if you hadn't consumated the marriage yet.....but I'm doubting that possibility....

Just be warned......maybe you'll listen to someone else if you can't even listen to yourself....... be prepared to lose EVERYTHING you have built, and be happy that he's out of the picture when you come out with next to nothing....

I don't really have much sympathy for you....but what I can say is....... know your shite before you make any moves..... investigate and peruse EVERY avenue, think of every eventuality and mostly ..... think of the worst case scenario as far as the outcome goes.....then..... when you've got all your ducks in a row.....make your move.....

You need to become your own detective and your own lawyer before you request the assistance of one....also remember that divorce costs (so does marriage but nobody ever thinks further than the dream wedding) so be prepared for the lawyers bill .....

And next time....DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!! It's just a piece of paper with signatures on it that costs a fortune, either way....

I just hope that there are no kids involved.....

Good Luck.... You're gonna need it

Answer 7

Your right you can't divorce until you have been married for at least 12 months, that doesn't mean you can't throw him out! If the house is in your name you can throw him out and he has no right to enter your property without your permission. Go and see a solicitor pack his things, and get the man out of your life then one day after your 1st anniversary file for divorce. Definitely seek legal advice before speaking to him, you need to know where you stand they might suggest obtaining a restraining order if he refuses to leave but he has no right to be in your home if you don't want him there.

Answer 8

Ask him to leave, if he refuses call the police. The house is in your name so they can make him leave. Change the lock's, Go see a lawyer to get an injunction to stop him coming anywhere near you. People suffer like you for year's when there is no need. You can do this but you have to be strong, just think of how your life will be in the future without his bullshit. Be happy and good luck. x

Answer 9

I remember my first year of marriage. It was TERRIBLE. There were so many times I hated my husband, and I even almost left him. It was just so hard, and he was so different from when we were dating.

Now we have been married for 5 years and after the first year everything has been wonderful since. I think it is just about getting to know each other, getting use to each other, and really understanding/caring about each others feelings. It just takes awhile to get use to it and to appreciate the GOOD things. Now all we have are good things. The first year I couldn't think of one good thing besides maybe sex.

Answer 10

The answers you have so far are all good..But a dib dob like him is not going to go easily is he?Do you not know any guys to make him see sense and perhaps threaten him?I know that shouldn't be,but it must be the last resort?You can't go on seeing what you've worked hard for slipping from your grasp!!
I have three sisters and I know I would go apes**t if I knew anyone was treating them like he was treating you..Go through the law first and if you don't get anywhere,get someone to remove him from YOUR house..
Good luck..

Answer 11

You need to get in contact with some professional help. Contacting sites like this will not help. We haven't the knowledge, but we have advice, and mine would be to seek professional help, from doctors, psychologists, counselors, whoever in the profession that can help you. If needs be, stay at a friend's house or family's house for a few nights to get a breather from him, and ask for their support and help.

I know how hard this must be for you, no one should ever have to go through something like this.