Feeling down...?

Question

Does anyone out there ever feel like they are being left behind when it comes to their mate?

I'm a stay at home mom with 4 kids. I take care of the house, the bills, the yard and the cars. I volunteer at school, carpool and do all the shopping. My husband works full time, and he does work hard. Yet he gets to go the movies during the day, he goes golfing, fancy lunches every day, and travels to the best places on retreats and get to see and do amazing things.

I use to work, so I've seen both sides. But after 8 years of staying home taking care of the kids - I (sometimes) feel like the world is moving on without me. Hell, I didn't even know what YouTube was until about a month ago. I have a cell phone they used in the dinosuar age, while my husband knows about all the latest things, and has the newest and coolest of gadgets.

Ahh, I do love my life but sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind. Does anyone else ever feel the same way?

Answer 1

Yes, I have felt down many times. I have been a stay at home mom for about 4 years now. I worked full time up until then. The thing that helps me out is to find things to make you feel like a "person", not just a Mom. I recently began going to school online, and it helps me so much to feel like I am doing something for myself.
I understand this feeling you are having. You don't know how to be up to date anymore. Us Moms sometimes get so tied up in being a Mom and wife that we forget that we need our me time.....

Answer 2

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your husband concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both of you have absolutely nothing to do. (he can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your husband your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked your husband for his time, so give him your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if your husband says something you don't agree with, don't belittle him; instead,

Negotiate and ask him what would be agreeable to him.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes people stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - he might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way.

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

Answer 3

You ARE being left behind... you are the babysitter, and house keeper. Any wife is with four kids. In your place, it is time to get them in day care, and get a job, even if it is a wash financially. Hon, your brain is rotting for lack of something interesting to do.

Answer 4

Ask you hubby questions, ask him to keep you in the new age, show an interest in his gadgets, and let him know that you want to GO PLACES with him and be invited to meet him for lunches....show an interest in him and maybe it will be reciprocated, problem is that you have immersed yourself in mommyhood and pta crap.....can't have your cake and eat it too, can you? Hold off on the volunteering and spend that time husbandeeering

Answer 5

Let him know this. I'm sure he would be happy to find a way to take you on one of those retreats; he will probably also enjoy bringing you up to speed on the latest techno-toys.

Answer 6

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