My husband has an inappropriate relationship with a woman he works with. What should I do?

Question

About two months ago I discovered that my husband was a little too close to a woman he works with. They email, text and talk on the phone constantly. He tries to hide all of it from me. If I ask to use his cell he first deletes things from it. I discovered the content of some of there conversations, and they were sexual in nature. When I confronted him about it, he said it was flirting that got out of hand. Call me stupid but I decided to believe him and asked him to stop. He promised that he did, but yesterday I came across more. This time they were much worse. It was basically her professing her love for him and him apologizing for hurting her. What am I suppose to do? He still claims that nothing happened. He says he thought about it, but didn't do it. I am so hurt I am not sure how to get over this, or if I should even try.

Answer 1

get over it

Answer 2

I am really sorry your having to go through this it must be so hard, if she is professing her love to your husband then you already know the answer women do not profess there love to a man there not involved with, he has lied to you countless times why is he apologizing to her what about you his wife, he is basically thumbing it in your face you know something is up he denies it but yet continues to have contact with her obviously he is really not caring about your feelings he claims nothing happened what does that mean something did happen he had an affair whether it was emotional or physical it doesn't change the fact, no one can tell you how to get over it only you know that answer its all in what your willing to accept you need to think about yourself and what you want I could sit here and tell you if it was me he would have been gone the first time I found out but thats just me I am not walking in your shoes I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better.

Answer 3

The problem here is the commication, think about you two before marriage, the stuff you two talk about. Is there any more sweet talk anymore or just what bills need to be pay now?
See in any relationship, it take both side to still on top of things. Meaning making plan and having fun. I am not taking your husband side, but what if you were in his shoe where you see and ex lover in the past or a guy that you find him perfect in anyway. Of course nothing would happen but you would talk to him right? Regardless if you tell your husband you meet this good new friends, you won't tell him the stuff you two talk about right? So is that hiding to? he would think in his on little world as well.
So the solution is simple, you love your husband and you trust him. since he said he will stop, that it is time for a vacation. This way the other woman can't see him, he won't answer his phone during the vacation, and you two will have a fun and happy time together. Takes lots of picture, with camera and his cell phone. That way the next time he calls this woman, he will feel guilty in his action and stop. put a picture of you two in his wallet and if he goes out to eat with her, when he pays, this will be another single for him.
The goal is to make him realize what he is doing.
Good luck

Answer 4

Hey there! I just went through something kind of similar..This lady at my husband's job was doing the same thing. It wasn't any thing sexual though, Just general conversation...but definitely too much of it..... I confronted him about it....and he kind of blew it off....the girl called a couple of times like at 1 something in the morning.. and at that point I was fed up! I know how you feel...believe me!! But, one thing I will say is that he didn't hide it from me. I think your husband is wrong for hiding it from you.... and it does look like some thing happened is she is professing her love and he's apologizing for hurting her... When you think about it, There would be no need to apologize unless there was a wrong done.. None the less..this is your husband....No one can tell you to leave your marriage. You need to do what you feel is best for you....There has to be open lines of communication..You have every right to be hurt..And to not trust him at this point. So, I truly believe that you two need to talk... And don't let him just brush it under the rug. If this man truly loves you. Than he will be concerned about how you feel and will also be willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship stronger....Who knows you made need to seek some counseling... But, first try to talk to him and see how it goes..
I hope everything works out...
Best regards

Answer 5

Time for an ultimatum, if you have the strength to follow thru. Tell him it's time to get a new cell number, give you all passwords to emails, and NEW JOB. If he's serious about your marriage, then these are the steps he needs to take to show you. Otherwise, he needs to go, because MY MAN would not be spending that much time or energy on another woman. Also, maybe at the same time, you need to ask him, WHAT's wrong with your marriage that he felt the need to get the attention from this other woman. You have to be willing to own up to your part in this, if there is any. Good Luck. Sorry, the situation sounds horrible.

Answer 6

I really don't know why most of us women keep on believing in what our liars husbands or boyfriends say, not even when we have the proof right in front of our eyes!!! I think the love we have for them makes us blind to reality. We can all tell you that he's cheating, that you should leave that b@st@rd, or some other will tell you to go counseling and it might work for a while but you will never be able to trust him again, but the truth is ...no matter how many people tell you that he is cheating you will not believe it's truth ...you will believe him, and you'll allow him to betray the love and trust you have for him until one day you finally realize that you have aged, that he doesn't love you, that you should have left him a long time ago and then would be too late, you'd have waisted your whole life with a man who just loves himself, because a cheater is a self centered, manipulator and selfish person, who doesn't care for anybody else but him.
Think what is it that you deserve? a man who will lie to your face and deep inside your heart you know he is cheating? or do you deserve a man who will put "only you" on a pedestal and will not let no one to hurt you!!!? you know what he's doing...and you know what you should do! Good luck, there will be harder times ahead of you I wish you well!

Answer 7

If he is hiding things from you, then I would be very upset!
If the things were sexual in nature, then I would assume that yes he did do something inappropriate and is afraid to tell you for the fact that you might leave him.
Now, if it were me...I would say, "I love you, but I cannot take this any longer. I have seen the evidence and I cannot stay where I am not wanted needed or loved. Therefore, I shall sleep elsewhere, and you can love me or leave me."
This is not harsh, but it is to the point.
There is no point in being lead on or astray, if he wants to play with another and possibly bring home a disease...then I would not want him or it!
Good luck to you, I shall pray for you!

Answer 8

Whether or not he wants to admit it, something did happen. It may not have been physical, but something emotionally definitely happened. That is just as bad, or worse, when it gets this far. The only way this will end is if he cuts all ties to her. That may even mean finding another job. It sounds like they are in love with each other. Maybe he hasn't crossed the physical boundaries, but he passed the emotional ones a long time ago. He needs to stop lying to you and himself about this if there is any hope of saving your marriage.

Answer 9

Please don't make any drastic decisions until you get all of the facts.
It sounds to me that he flirted with this woman and has led her on by talking to her in a sexual way, but now has realized its wrong and is telling her "Sorry, I love my wife, I'm sorry you are hurting, but I can't do it anymore."
If you don't trust your husband enough to get straight answers from him then maybe you should tell him so, and suggest to him you want to see a marriage counselor. Also, if you have the guts, I would suggest calling this woman and tell her what you found out and ask her to be honest and tell you whats really going on. That may be very enlightening. This kind of thing happened to me once, and I'm a married man (over 20 years happily married) The woman was very bold and came on super strong, telling me how sexy she thought I was and all sorts of wild things. I was shocked, kinda flattered and entertained the idea of going along with the conversation. It quickly became somthing I regreted, she wanted me to have an affair with her and told me details of what she wanted to do with me. I finally had to be really mean to her and I said "NO I'm not going to do anything with you, just leave me alone! I'm a married man!" She was angry and from that point on never spoke to me. I learned a hard lesson and now I realize how marriages can be broken up if you dont stay on your guard. NO sex talk or flirting with anyone but my wife!

I hope you flirt with your husband and treat him special.

I hope you realize this kind of thing can happen to the husband or the wife, we all have to be careful.
As soon as you say " It will never happen to me," Along comes a sexy guy that wants you to leave your husband.
I hope you will have a heart to heart with your husband, tell him how you feel in a soft loving way. He will get the message and you will know which way to go.
Good luck, Swequin

Answer 10

Ok, first I will tell you that you are stupid. You told me to. Second, the only reason he is sticking to his story that nothing happened is because he knows the only proof you have is his cell phone texts and stuff like that so why would he admit to more when he knows you don't have more info?
Now, do you really believe his story or do you just want to believe his story? There is a big difference and he's already lied about their relationship a few times.
It's time you guys either go to counseling or you file for a divorce.

Answer 11

Even if nothing physical has happened between these two...there is definitely an emotional affair going on. Your husband is cheating and lying about it. You can tell him that you know what is going on....and that you will not tolerate it any longer...demand that the relationship end...and that you get counseling..if he still lies and refuses to seek therapy....I would tell him that you will be contacting a lawyer to draw up the divorce papers....and of course you do have the option of staying with his cheating *ss...but come on!...Have more self esteem and more self respect than that!