My mother in law thinks that now that my baby is here she's gonna get to keep her over night (My baby was just born August 22,07) I dont trust her at all with my baby even though she has another grandaughter thats older, but its different because thats her grandaughter through her daughter, not her son. Anyway I want to make it clear to her that she will only see the baby when we go over to her house or if she comes over to ours, but as far as her babysiting or keeping the baby overnight, there is not a chance. How can I tell her this and make it very clear to her where I dont have to keep repeating myself to her, I want her to know thats why Im there for to babysit and care for my baby.
2007-09-06 12:04:09 · 16 answers · asked by Juliet 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Lie a little! Tell her that you think she is an amazing grandmother but that right now you have a lot of anxiety about leaving the baby with ANYONE! Ask her to please not push the issue, or ask to babysit at all! Just reassure her that when you are ready you will ask for her help and that you have no idea how soon or how long it will be till that happens! And thank her for wanting to help.
2007-09-06 12:10:59 · answer #1 · answered by Songsdeli 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would wait a bit before saying anything to her. Eventually, like it or not, there will probably be a time when you need (or even want) her to babysit for some reason of another.
She shouldn't expect you to leave the baby this soon, but in the future, it's not unrealistic for you to leave the baby with her, or for her to want you to.
Maybe after seeing her with the baby things will change.
Is there a specific reason why you don't trust her? You did marry and procreate with the child she raised, so she can't be all that bad.
I'm sure she loves her son's child as much as her daughter's. It sounds like you are reacting like a very normal and natural overly protective new mommy, but give it some time. Don't burn your bridges now, some day you will need a break from the baby.
2007-09-06 21:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by berrel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol damn thats kinda cold but i get where youre coming from. I cant honestly think of a nice way to let her know this is how you feel. If i were you i would kinda make it obvious like when u go there for a visit, dont really come with his baby bag so she knows theres no chance of an overnight deal. Or simply when youre ready to go home just take the baby with you. She cant make you leave the baby, but this might cause some tension in the relationship
2007-09-06 19:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by Heaven L 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are the parent. You set the rules as to when and where your baby spends the night or who babysits, not your mother in law. Your baby is just as much a granddaughter/son by her son as it is through her daughter and you are going to be considered wrong by many people in thinking otherwise. That still doesn't mean that your mother in law has "parental" rights to set any rules for your child, only you and your husband.
2007-09-09 17:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by cnored9528 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This can be a tricky situation, you dont want to say it in a way to hurt her and piss your husband off but you want to make it clear so she gets it. I've been in your situation before, my mother-n-law is a drug addict so it would be a cold day in hell before i trusted her with my son when he was that young. So I just told her no one is keeping him until I felt he was old enough and she had to respect that. I let her come over and visit but as far as her taking him, not a chance. He's over a year old and i still wont leave her with him unsupervised by either me or his dad. When you're a new mom you feel VERY protective over your baby, so just tell her you need time. Good luck!
2007-09-06 19:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by sunshine_200523 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure I'd want to leave my baby with my own mother overnight at that age - it doesn't mean I don't trust my mom. I'm not sure why you think she'd take better care of her daughter's child than yours, but unless you feel comfortable leaving your baby with her, no one says you have to leave your child overnight. Don't argue or give a long explanation - just tell her you don't want to be away from your child overnight yet. Your husband should support your wishes.
Heck, my son is almost 3 and there is not a chance in hell I'd leave him with my MIL overnight.
2007-09-06 19:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by eli_star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but you have an awful attitude! First of all I can totally understand you not leaving the baby overnight so soon.. But the fact that "there is not a chance" is selfish!
Most "normal" people have fond memories of spending the night at grandma and grandpa's. It is FUN for the grandchildren and grandparents alike. Do not make them suffer because of your selfish attitude.
EDIT: It will be interesting one day when YOU are the mother-in-law and grandma. Can't begin to imagine you would want to be treated like this. I am answering this question as someone in your mother-in-laws shoes. Have a little compassion for a new grandma. They have more love in their hearts to give than you can imagine. Do you really want to deprive your child of it?
Secondly, it makes NO difference to grandparents if the child is from a son or a daughter. That is just ridiculous.
Thirdly, they were parents long before you where. What makes you so much better than them? How did your husband turn out?
I would love to know if you feel this same way with your own mother. Why are the daughter-in-laws out there so quick to put your mother-in-laws down? They are still mothers just as you are. If you have a son how would you like it if some day you were treated like this?
2007-09-06 20:36:59 · answer #7 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 2⤊ 5⤋
Girl, i feel the same way.
Let her know, you are not confortable with that. Be upfront and honest. Plus, when a baby, or young child cant communicate, it's not right for the child to stay over at grandmas house for the night.
I have the same problem.
Be honest, and dont let anyone push you around. Your the mom, and you will do what's best for your child.
2007-09-06 19:13:59 · answer #8 · answered by ツ Connors Mommy ツ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you really need to tell her that she is not going to babysit. Just don't ask her to do it and if she asks tell her its not neccesary and if she won't take no for an answer just tell her you are not comfortable with the idea.
I know how you feel. i don't trust my mother-in-law one bit with my son. she doesn't believe in sunscreen, so i don't ask her to watch him on sunny days. she is very pushy, i'll have a hat on my son so that his scalp doesn't get burnt and she'll take it off and tell me it was making him uncomfortable. she also tells me that he doesn't like his carseat and i should make the straps loose...what good will that do?
sorry, i needed to vent.
Good luck with your mother-in-law and just remember it is your baby and you call the shots.
2007-09-06 20:27:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her your reason straight out its better to do it that way then beat around the bush. I am sure she'll understand and if your motherly instincts don't trust your mother in law then don't do in listen to it you have it now for a reason.
Its like this do you think a mother deer would let a bear watch her little bambi i don't think so. So listen to your instincts.
2007-09-06 20:18:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋