He is cheating on me, we have kids. do I stay or do I go?

Question

We are 12 years together, 8 married, 2 kids below 6 years old. A year ago I found out that he is having an affair. I got crazy. I found out that he is cheating on me ALL these years (2-3 affairs) and many girlfriends around. I did the same thing for revenge but he only is suspicious about it. After 6 months in the same house as strangers we tried to get closer again. Now almost 6 months together again as a couple I found out that he continues to have the same affair. He doesn't want a divorce, he promises he will stop but I dont believe him. Should I stay or go? Do we have hopes?

Answer 1

i am sorry that your going through this,, i was in the same thing,, and i stayed for many years.. don't stay,, it will only hurt the kids, in the long run, the more you try the more he will say i am sorry,, and i will never do it again.

But trust me he will keep doing it and then he will hurt the kids.... They will see that its OK to treat women like sh_t and that's not right,,, please before you get hurt anymore,, leave.. it will hurt but you will make it... he will pay child support and maybe thing of what he had how he lost it , and it will be his own fault.

good luck with all you do.... take care :)))))))))))

Answer 2

Okay, you are in a bit of a prediciament, and I will give you some advice, but overall its your decision. Marriage Councelling, its a way to see if this just isnt going to work, or if someone can help you with your problems and let it all out. Now, if you are very frustrated with him, you may not be thinking straight. Find a way that helps you relax. If nothing comes to mind, try yoga. There are some yoga sites on the internet that can get you started. Once all your anger is out, think clearly about what would happen if you did either, what would happen to your kids, how would they grow up, can he change, etc. Now consider your options. First, talking will not help, he is obviously not listening. A relationship is built on trust, and if you can't trust him, than you have to ask youself if its worth it to live in a place where you wont even be able to look you husband in the eye with confidence that he will do the right thing. It is your decision, and either way will be the right one, because you have the ability to mold your future, so try and mold into your perfect pot. Good luck.

Answer 3

How can you even ask if their is hope when you yourself said that he continues to have an affair and you do not believe anything he says any more. I believe your husband has issues with commitment and he may never know what it takes to be in a committed relationship. This is the first issue that needs to be addressed. You need to see the hopelessness of him ever changing. You have taken way too much from him already and so he already feels no threat with cheating on you. What source of happiness is there left for you with this man? For sure the children cannot be benefiting much of a happy life with a father such as he is. If I were you I would divorce him and never look back. I do hope you do what is right for you.

Answer 4

If he promised to not continue with these affairs and you found out he was still seeing them it's more than likely he won't stop. Both of you need to find out what the problems are in the relationship and cheating is NOT a form of solving them. Now you both have cause more issues of trusting and low self esteem due to the cheating. You can either regain each others trust again, get some help, and rekindle the sparks you once had. If it doesn't work out after all that then it's best to divorce and be single for a while.

Answer 5

You'll do yourself or your kids no favor staying in this relationship. As they get older it will shape the way they become. Boys will be like him, girls will get a complex from the situation and most likely wind up in an early, unhealthy relationship to escape the reality they live in. If he was going to change it would have happened by now. He's not. You did the same thing to relieve you anxiety playing his game that you really didn't want to do in the first place. You just stepped down to his level, and it wasn't where you belonged. You can't play a mans game and win. No matter how much we have going for us.....it is a man's world and even the drop dead gorgeous gals loose eventually.....used up. Oh they play but they age like everyone else and what goes around comes around. You have to make the ultimate choice. Don't stay for the children.......big mistake. One mistake is enough, you've already got two down......think this over seriously and do something for yourself #1. It is not selfish it is self preservation.

Answer 6

I suggest becoming swingers.... Yeah I know sounds kinda of out there right, but here me out. If you know hes going to cheat, this way you kinda of have a say in who, where and when, plus you can get some love as well. Odds are he is emotionally in love with you and the kids, but he isn't getting all the physical attention he wants so he seeks it out from other sources, if you provide a solution to that problem you might be able to keep him around. You need to do something if you can't find away to make him happy, you won't be happy either knowing hes out getting it from some floozy at a bar after work. Make a effort to spend more time going out together with out the kids. Alot of relationships, start to break down after the kids come, and jobs prevent you from spending time together. Now is the time to start spending time together again, and see if you can find that spark that made you want to get together in the first place.

Sonojudan
"Most people don't take me seriously, but I don't blame them I wouldn't take a six foot nine ogre looking guy serious either."

Answer 7

This infidelity issue is something that you alone cannot resolve. Many things depends on the final decision. What steps has your husband taken to show repentance or if he is a sex addict, is he willing to go for therapy? Do you both have an open Intimate relationship? Do you love each other? A lot depends on the answers to these questions. If the outcome should be to stay together you will do it because you love each other and are both willing to work at the relationship not because you have children. Staying in a toxic and disfunctional relationship can only traumatize and hurt your children

Answer 8

To be honest you don't have hopes or future of a good marriage..If he is a cheater he will ALWAYS be a cheater.. SO i will suggest you to move on get a divorce & have a life it doesn't matter if you have kida or not..It is not good to have a relationship like that where there is NO trust or NO respect for each other because there in NONE of this things. If he doesn't want a divorce you go ahead & filed for one if he doesn't signed in a certain period of time the judge will automatically give you the divorce or unless you have valid proof of his infidelity & it will be much easier.. Think abou it you don't need a life where you will have to worry if there is or not someone else ..Move on & look for your happiness.. best wishes :)

Answer 9

First of all, do not stoop to his level, if you cheat on him back, your only stooping to his level and you will actually get no satisfaction out of it, and yes do leave him, you can file for divorce with out him, he messed up, and several times at that, all he is doing is making empty promises to you, so leave him and get as much child support out of him as you can, in most states you have to be separated for a period of time first, so either boot him out, and if he doesn't want to go, move out with the children, but get away from him as soon as possible, because he will only continue to do the same thing every time the opportunity comes up, he broke his vows, and once someone cheats, the relationship will never be the same again, he ruined it for good.

Answer 10

You need marital counseling yesterday.

Go and get help so you can save your marriage.

Don't revenge cheat, it's pure destruction to any relationship, and it's a serious violation to your own integrity.

Your husband clearly has no concept of fidelity. I don't know if counseling will help him be faithful, but nothing will change if he doesn't get some insight into his destructive behaviour.

If he can't stay faithful, I'd be gone. I'm not sure what your tolerance is, compared to mine. I definitely wouldn't stay for the children, if that's what you're thinking of doing. Miserable parents suffering a lousy marriage makes for a miserable childhood.

GL

Answer 11

I too caught my husband in an affair. Its been a year now and we are doing better, we've been married for 10 years. The only reason we are still together is because he has done everything humanly possible to make it up to me. He admits that it was a mistake and he lets me know that I am the most important person in his life. I think that's what it takes to stay together, commitment. Everybody makes mistakes, it's what you do to correct it that matters.