Should I be extremely sad because my husband didn't loose it with me?

Question

I married my husband, my only true love, I lost my virginity with him, but...he didn't, he had a sexual experience with some girl, it was only one time and he didn't kum, and also he regrets it a lot. I feel really bad because I was the right one for him as we are very in love and have a baby together, but it haunts me everyday that he didn't loose it with me..To make it a little better, we pretend that it was just a nightmare, that he really lost it to me. what do u think/?

Answer 1

Your husband loves you, married you, his past sexual experience as much as it hurts you does not have anything with what you and him have together today. In your mind you are making more of it than it really was. You might have saved yourself for him and this is good, but try not to hold this over his head as if he owes you what he cannot change. It is as if you are saying to him that he received undamaged goods while you didn't. Can you see how hurtful that can be for him? When you married, your should have married with the love it takes to accept one for themselves, faults and mistakes all in one. Consider yourself lucky, most men have several sexual experiences before they ever decide to marry, your husband only had one. Be happy, let the past in the past, you sound to have a good loving husband who really cares about your feelings, don't do this to your marriage, don't destroy the good for one measly mistake he made way before he even knew you. I do hope it will all work out for you both.

Answer 2

The fact that you are STILL obsessing about this so many years later raises some serious red flags. You chose to marry this man. If you couldn't handle the fact that he wasn't a virgin, you shouldn't have married him. It's totally unfair to him for you to still be bringing it up so long after the fact.

"We pretend that it was just a nightmare"??? Is this how you handle ALL of your problems?? "Honey, we can't pay our bills and we're facing foreclosure. Let's just pretend it's a nightmare and that we're not about to lose our home."

You're an adult. You need to face your problems, and then, for the love of God, MOVE ON!! There's no way you can have a healthy relationship when you're constantly obsessing over one single mistake he made. Get some counseling, ASAP!

Answer 3

I think you're obsessed with the wrong things here. You're letting the past intrude upon, and ruin, your present. I'm sorry you had never had any sexual experiences with anyone else - but this was your personal choice, and it's not the reason to punish your husband for having made a different choice. You shouldn't be sad or happy about it - what happened, happened, it's in the past now, and you have your life to live and your marriage to enjoy. Don't make a small thing in the past to be a bigger deal than it actually is.

Answer 4

First of all, he's lying when he says he didn't C U M, LOL!! Second of all, you married him and that means you accept him as he is. Don't pretend part of his life was a nightmare just because you aren't comfortable with it. Accept him as he is and get over it. Maybe you should have experimented a little before marriage yourself. Too late now, so just let it go. Being jealous and insecure is never good.

Answer 5

I totally understand you. I lost mine with my husband too. But he didn't. I used to feel the same way you do because you feel like he was special to you and that's why you waited, but you don't understand why he couldn't wait. I finally understood, that he is a man, and unfurtunatelly, men are different from us women. Their nature is more sexual thatn ours. Plus society has made it "right" for them to be with as many girls as they want before marriage. But if you think about it. He got married with you for a reason. For a man getting married is not easy, and if he married you, he must love you. So just let go off the past and enjoy the present and the future that is waiting for you two.

Answer 6

With you being a virgin when you married and him not, that's something you should have addressed before you even go married. Neither of you can go to the past and change that. Is this something you are insecure about? You cannot compare yourself to her. Or even bring the mere thoughts of it into the relationship. If you continue to do so, it could hender the longevity of the relationship. The two of you have a child together. That is the most important thing. Please do not hold his previous sexual encounter over his head. Nor should you constantly remind yourself of it. The past is the past. Go forward in your marriage.

Answer 7

I think you both would benefit from counseling with this issue. Just because he didn't lose it with you, does not mean that he loves you any less or that he can't be as intimate with you as he would like.

It was a mistake on his part. We all make them. It's no big deal....move on and stop contemplating over something that you can not change.

The bottom line is that he is with you now, so let the past be the past!

Answer 8

No. All that matters is that you love each other. And don't think of it as a nightmare, face it and move on. So your husband made a mistake. If you're religious, ask for forgiveness, move on. If you are not religious, ask for forgiveness, move on. In the grand scheme of things, this is small. Don't let a mole hill trip up your marriage.

Answer 9

I think you need to seek some professional help. I can't believe you have all the stress and worries of a marriage and a child yet you focus on something so minor regarding his past. This is the type of mental crap that comes from waiting until you're married.

Answer 10

Get over it. And really, why are you saying he didn't *** (and it's spelled with a 'c' by the way) It's not that big a deal. It's not like he cheated on you...or did he? And to make things better, it wasn't only once that he had sex with someone else. Come on. But that's irrelevant, though. You should want your man to be experienced.