Can you let it go?

Question

If someone has hurt or wronged you in some way, can you let it go? Can you forgive? I heard that forgive literally means to loosen or untie, like letting go of the anger or pain that binds you. That is the only way to be free.

It's taken me a long time to learn this. I used to hold grudges. I resented those who abused me in some way. But now I can let it go. I realize that when someone mistreats me it has so much more to do with them (with their own unhappiness, self-loathing and insecurity) so I almost feel sorry for them.

Someone was bullying me at work. For almost a year, I put up with it. Hating my job. I finally began asserting myself. Standing up to her. I told her how I felt. At first she apologized and I thought it was a breakthrough. But nothing changed. She went right back to being abusive. Now, thankfully I've been transferred. It's nice to be free of her! Unfortunately she retaliated by getting me removed from yahoo. Still bullying in her way. It's ok. I let go! :)

I'd just like to say I'll miss you guys! I used to go onto yahoo answers at work and it was a very pleasant way to pass the time when things weren't busy. But my bully's reprisal was to complain about me being on yahoo answers (be careful who you talk to! I had mentioned in passing several months ago that I liked yahoo answers, especially the philosophy section and that my moniker was "amp" so they went in and read my answers and then told the little IT gremlins about my internet use. Somehow typing positive life-affirming notes to strangers was seen as negative. I suppose if I'd typed catty messages or flirted with my co-workers or spent half my shift on personal phone calls or played games it would have been a better use of my down time (but I don't want to sound bitter! I really have let go.) Just in case any of my contacts wondered where I disappeared to...

I will get the internet at home soon. For now, I just hop on at a friend's place from time to time.

Cheers cats.
:)

Answer 1

I think "letting it go" is one of the greatest secrets to living. I would add "getting rid of it" also. Sometimes people will not "let go" as you describe your co-worker nemesis. Sometimes it's necessary to crush your enemy totally. Don't leave any sparks or they will regain their strength and start all over again. This is an extreme example but I certainly believe in "letting it go" if at all possible

Answer 2

The Beatles' Let it Be. Simply because it's a great album that I prefer over the Replacements' Let It Be. I think the Replacements' Let It Be is all right, but isn't anywhere near as great as this Beatles' album. Not only am I deciding this by the tracks on the two albums, but also by the circumstances they were recorded under. Which isn't always taken into consideration. The Beatles weren't facing the best of times in their band years when this was recorded, but they didn't let their feelings for one another wholly impact the album in a negative way or any in my thoughts at all. They could have just forgotten it all and just left us with Abbey Road, which would have seemed a bit strange to end it all with. It just doesn't fit as well to me as a farewell like Let It Be, more like a we'll see you again in a few months kind of album. The thing is they didn't, which was very respectable of them. They put their music before their quarrels. Their differences and wants to go down their own roads and just let it all be made the album something great. It was the last studio album they left us with and was a great way to close up the best band in history. Which is exactly why it is superior in my opinion.

Answer 3

seems all she has done is to throw a stone into the road. Just a little bump and it is history.
Letting go can be easy or hard for me, depending on the frequency and proximity of the offender.
when it is happening, anger offsets my reason and it is easy to be carried off by more emotions. but when I have time to get past the emotions, reason kicks in and I can let it all drift out, like so much soot. Shake it off and step into the present.
I don't forget, ,mind you, I think about what happened and discern what boundaries were breached. These become the issues that need attention if a relationship is to continue. If the relationship ends, then it is easily tossed aside. But I don't need to carry any of the emotional baggage.

Looking forward to your triumphant return. ;)

Answer 4

Hi there, welcome back. :-)

In one of your other questions, I mentioned that someone in my youth caused me harm, but its been so long since I have thought of this person (until answering your questions, of course, he he). I no longer invest my time in thinking about (or re-living) those experiences, when they are just a part of my past, not my present or future.
When I was in that state of mind, resentment, I was a very angry and moody person, it affected my personal happiness and the people closest to me, which I'm very grateful remained at my side throughout those years.

Choosing to forgive was the first step for freedom to be my real self, and express that to others, not defensive, as I once was. Have also noticed that when I began to allow for my own voice and views to surface, without the influence of religion, society and family, I became a much happier and easy going person.

Thanks for sharing your story with us, its great that you no longer have to deal with that woman.
You made quite an insightful comment which I agree with, most people who are abusive and mistreat others have personal issues (mainly unhappiness or insecurity, as you mentioned) and so they take it upon others. There are also those who go inward and hurt themselves instead.

You're smart to let it go, and not allow her insecurities to affect your life in any way.
Its good to see more of you around here. :-)

Answer 5

No you didn't let go about that co-worker, you told us everything but her yahoo name! And I think, good for you! You do not have to pity or help those who are abusing you.

You don't have to sink to their level, either, so it's good you didn't give a name! I try my best to live in the present and find it difficult sometimes... I have these "triggers," as I've heard them called, easy buttons for people to push that make me upset; but maybe together we can think of each other trying to make it past the bad parts & into some peace of mind, just quietly doing our work and play.

Might be helpful, I dunno'.

Answer 6

O FRIEND!
In the garden of thy heart plant naught but the rose of love, and from the nightingale of affection and desire loosen not thy hold. Treasure the companionship of the righteous and eschew all fellowship with the ungodly.

Please keep in touch. We alI enjoy reading your well written comments and opinions.
.

Answer 7

Some times it can be really hard. Eventually I always do let things go... Sorry to hear about your co-worker being the way she is. See you around.
CyberNara

Answer 8

Depending on how severe the situations are. Furthermore, the pros is that I've learnt my lessons, and as for the cons, I lost my cash. Damn!

Cheers and have a nice week ahead :)

Answer 9

ya but it all depends upon you that if you wanted to cause some time you become obsessed with that thing and you become alone for quit some time believe me you don't want that happened to you well forget about what is happened to you and live a new life

Answer 10

Well Amp,

Looks like you're definitely on the right track.

Focus on 'yourself' only. If you don't look after 'yourself' you can't look out for those you care about.

Self-focus is the best quality, and you seem to have it.

Well done.

Pete.