Advice please??

Question

So, I haven't been on answers that much lately, I've been having some personal issues, but this latest problem took the cake.

My mother leaves a voice mail for me, advising me that she has been advised by her lawyers to begin working on her will and in order to include me in the will, I would have to dissolve my civil union AND fax her the paperwork. While, I have known since I came out, of my mother's disapproval of my "lesbianism", her dislike of my partner, and then her "pretending it doesn't exist", I think she has crossed the line of any hope of having a relationship.

While it is HER money, and she can will it out as she deems necessary, I refuse to be unhappy for whatever scraps mommie dearest chooses to throw (or not throw) my way. So I'm wondering, do I call her and let her know, do I email her, or do I just ignore her altogether and not even respond?

If my civil union ever does dissolve, it won't be to please her and get in her "exclusive" will.

LOL @ Stranger...no we are not talking about several million, I would say anywhere from $20 to $100k, depending on her generosity. Even so, it's not worth it. Not unless her last name was Winfrey, then I might consider it LOL.

Thank you Toffee and River and Truck for the well wishes (and everyone else too).

Tab, honey, you don't have to tell me twice. I would meet you in Vegas tomorrow to get this done LOL!!!

Answer 1

I'm a little confrontational so I would do it face to face. However, it is better to say what one will do when they are on the outside looking in... I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Wickey, It sounds like you are in a state that permits civil unions. Keep the paper work and letter and take it to a very good estate lawyer.

I believe he will tell you the paperwork / letter / voice mail she is requesting would be grounds to contest the will.

No legal document can exclude another legally binding document. The idea of excluding you based upon strickly your sexual preference is a civil rights violation and any parts of her will would be null and void provided she lives in the state that allows for the civil unions

This is not legal advice just a laymans point of view. See a lawyer for the protection of your rights as a child.

Answer 3

I am a tender heart - I would call her and say something like:

"Mother I got your voice mail and I just thought I would give you a call and tell you that I love you. I love you unconditionally, I would love you if you commited murder or had an affair or hijacked a plane. There is nothing that could change that love. BUT I simply cannnot and will not terminate my happiness for you. I am happy, I am in love and that is all you really SHOULD want for me. If you can't accept that there is nothing I can do I will not be terminating my marriage it hurts me that you even asked. I will leave the door open Mother when you decide you love me without conditions you know how to reach me."

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Girl if her last name is Whinfrey and she is giving you money I WILL MARRY YOU! hee hee

Answer 4

That, Wickey, is one heckova situation to be in. I send you a huge virtual (((((((HUG))))))) and a piece of chocolate cake. I agree with Rainbows that you should be blunt and honest with her, either by voice or emails that you plan on continuing your union (of course, what else?) and that your mom can take a flying leap.
How dare she put you in such a situation! Although the anxiety that the email or call might cause you to begin with, the relief generated may counteract it. After doing so, ignore any further contact vocal or email until you feel reasonable to do so.
It's truly sad that people think that *money* can get them what they want and can buy them the actions of others
My heart is with you and so is Truck's. You have our support and our Love.

Oh good one, Tab!!!

Answer 5

I would call her and let her know that what she wants to do with her money is her business and wish her a happy day. Period. This lets her know you got the message and have made your decision. If you give in to this type of blackmail you are putting your Mom's need to "feel vindicated" above your feelings for your partner and your self-respect.

When I told my Mom I was gay she said she just COULDN'T accept it. My reply was, "there is a difference between understanding and accepting." A couple days later, she conceded the difference but said she thought she could never accept it because doing so would feel like she was sacrificing her soul. I said,"fine. I don't want you to do that for me if it's too much of a price. I would never ask you to choose." She was a bit shocked because I think she expected me to cry and plead with her. I didn't. I maintained my dignity and while it does pain me that she will never accept me for who I am, I ultimately was true to myself.

Good luck.

Answer 6

This may sound crude, but ... just how much money are we talking about? Seriously, for several million dollars I'd consider dissolving my civil union, but continuing to live with my partner. Then, after mommie dearest passes on to wherever she's going, renew your vows, and you and your partner can live the good life on mom's money!

Answer 7

You should take to her, Tell her that if she truely loved you then she would truely accept you and your life. Tell her that you dont want her money (if you dont) and that she should give it to charity give it to a charity that will teach awareness and tolerance for the gay community. I do hope your mother opens her eyes and realizes that she will die very bitterly if she dont have you by her side because she was too stubborn to accept her daughter. Best of Luck to you

Answer 8

I'd have it out with her on the phone. I'd let her know once and for all time that if that's the way she feels to just loose your phone number and address, and that if she wants nothing to do with me then she'll have nothing to do with my kids too. I don't want my kids exposed to that sort of manipulation, conniving, threatening behavior, that I don't approve of her meddling and have a nice life as lonely and short as it may be. So have fun counting and conversing with your fortune. I hope you and your 20 pieces of silver are happy with one another you Judas. Then I'd hang up without furthering any sort of argument.

Answer 9

Wow, that's a terrible situation for you to be in. If I did respond to her I guess I'd do it in writing and do it as calmly as possible. Of course I'd be telling her that it appears a relationship with her is impossible considering her actions towards your partner so I guess the calm part wouldn't be very effective.

Hang in there, we're with you in spirit.

Answer 10

I support your decision 100%. This is just another way of her letting you know she dissaproves of your life style. Out of respect I would tell her face to face. Who does she think she is! Sure she is your mother and gave you life but that doesn't give her the right to try to MAP out how your should live your life!

True it is her money, but money is not worth you changing who you are. Stay true to yourself just confronts her face to face and let her know how you feel.

Good luck.