How do you deal with most probably facing that you may not be able to have children?

Question

Me and my husband are going through infertility tests, we have been told that there is a likelihood of my tubes being blocked, and we were told that my husbands sperm is abnormal shaped. We have an appointment in 5 months to discuss with the specialist. (that's the NHS waiting list for you, and I'm waiting for a hsg to see if my tubes are blocked).

The strain on our relasionship, is making me question everything, it will change our future. My husband is more relaxed about it and seem's to think that we will be fine and that we have each other.
This is true, may be I'm selfish in thinking twice on our relasionship, but my whole world is falling apart, and changing for me.

Can someone give me some advice, I am going mad inside.

Answer 1

I completely understand and can definitely not have children as had emergency op - tubes removed about 18 months ago. It is not an easy thing to come to terms with and I highly recommend counselling if you are struggling and especially if is putting a strain on your marriage. My hubby and I are now down the IVF route and again it is not easy however and more than anything we have each other. I married him because he is my world, my best mate and I never try to lose sight of that. Your test results are not yet conclusive so my advise would be to take one day at a time and wait, your hubby is right...it may be all fine. My attitude is 'what will be will be', there are just some things you can not change, as much as we would like to. My hubby also has very low sperm count. Also you are lucky to get a 5 month apt, it took us 10 months! I know its hard but really try to just take it day by day, life is wonderful, look around you and appreciate today. Tomorrow may never come. I hope this has helped.

Answer 2

I deal with it by not underestimating my body and having determination and faith. I suffer from infertility due to PCOS. Being infertile does NOT mean that you can't have children, only that it will be a long and difficult road. My mom was told that she could never have children and she had two. My best advice to you is to stay strong, find strength in something if you have to, try to eliminate extra stress from your life, take it one day at a time, and most importantly don't push away the people who love you...it only makes it worse and much harder and more lonely than it has to be. I went through that with my husband as well and I'm glad I had a talk to him. Turns out that it broke him up just the same as me but he was trying to be strong for me as a way of showing that everything would be alright and so he didn't make things worse. I know how much it hurts...nothing is going to change that. Try to find a support system such as other women going through the same thing, and be proactive about it. There are a million different things out there that can help if you only look. Try not to beat down on yourself too much...I know how terrifying and devastating it is. I hope that this helps. Take care and good luck.

Answer 3

I suffered from infertility for 4-1/2 years and I know the pain and the strain it can put on your marriage. I am so sorry. The waiting game is awful...waiting for tests, waiting for procedures, waiting the dreaded 2-week-wait to see if the procedure worked, etc. My world also fell apart when I was in the middle of all of it. My husband didn't seem as torn up by it because I think men just handle things like this differently and aren't as open with their emotions.

That being said, I hope that treatment will be an option for you. In vitro fertilization often works for women with blocked tubes and men with sperm problems. I was finally able to conceive with treatment. If you aren't able to conceive naturally, adoption is always an option. You don't have to live your life childless.

In the mean time, I would suggest finding a support group, either online or in real life, dealing with infertility. It helps a lot to be able to talk to other women living with infertility. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I`m only on my fourth month trying to conceive, but before I even started I said that I would adopt if there were any problems. I would be really disappointed of course that I couldn`t make a child with my husband, but I would like to give a parentless child a good home too.
Maybe your husband has taken the attitude that what is, can`t be helped, or maybe he`s trying to be strong to support you. I bet it`s eating him up inside too. It`s a fundamental human desire to want children, so I can`t imagine it`s something you can just accept and get on with. It may take years to come to terms with or you may never come to terms with it. If it starts to affect your relationship adversely then you might want to consider some kind of counseling. Also, don`t give up because there are lots of procedures that can be done to help you have children. It won`t be easy, but it would be worth it in the end.
Don`t push your husband away though. It`s not his fault and it`s not your fault. Blaming and questioning him won`t change the situation.
I don`t think I can say one thing that will help. Just that I really wish you all the best and hope you get some positive answers at your doctor`s appointment.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel and it is a very emotional and stressfull time.
My husband was exactly the same, he wanted a baby more than anything but very rarely talked about it ... that's just men for you, they would rather not say anything.
And i'm afraid to say, this 5 month NHS wait is just the tip of the iceberg. It took us 5 years from 1st Dr's visit, tests, waiting lists, more tests, more waiting until we got the go ahead to start fertility treatment.
We had ICSI, it's a bit more complex than IVF and is used in male factor infertility, they inject the sperm straight into the egg to aid fertilision.
Our first go ended up in a total freeze all as i was at risk of OHSS (produced too many eggs and was too risky to go ahead with the embryo transfer).
Had to wait 3 months until my body settled down before we could try a frozen embryo transfer (FET) it ended up in a negative result. We done a 2nd FET the following month and it worked. My daughter is now 15 months old and the most precious little girl ever.
It is a long hard struggle and at times you will question everything, your relationship, will it be worth it etc but believe me ... it is definately worth it. We went through it all and thought the day would never come.
Be prepared for a long wait, stick together and one day soon you will have your own precious little bundle in your arms.
Good luck in this long, bumpy journey and i hope everything works out for you both.

Answer 6

i really feel for u hun,i really do..i myself had a bad timin with havin kids.three years ago i was pregnant and went into premature labour at 26 weeks and sadly my son died aged 6 weeks,then almost 14 weeks ago after ttc for 18 months i miscarried..the world relvolin around women not bein able to bear children and losin kids is a real heartache,i know,seems like there is never light at the end of the tunnel...u gonna have to tell ur fela how its affectin u,and how u feel.it will put strain on ur relationship but if u love each other enough,u will c it thru together..i know it tears many of ppl apart,but together will make it a lil easier..i know when i lost my babies i could never have got from where i was then til now without the support fron him,cos many a time he gave me the push i needed to stay strong and face it instead of lyin down in a heap..i wish u all the luck in the world.i hope all will work out well in the future..god bless....if u ever need talk email me [e-mail]

Answer 7

I will say if your tubes are block they can get unblock hopefully without any damage but I do know that mens can have low sperm count and from my understanding vitamins can be taken to make the sperm better I don't know what you mean about the abnormal shape but some produce sperm without the tail..... but can get better if its a change in lifestyle so don't give up I know it is hard because its hard for me I never been told that I can't have any but it is hard and I will not give up so I don't want you too until it is definite confirm good luck

Answer 8

I was dianosed with endometreois at the age of 17. I was told at the time that I could not have children. I went through a greiving process, I was then very angry and the why me question. Eventally with time and support I came to terms that I may never have children. I told my husband when he proposed to me that I could not have children and he was ok with that. 3 months after we were married I discovered I was pregnant and had a little girl and 3 years after that I had a little boy. The drs were very surprised given the amount of damage from the endometriosis. There is always hope but dont become obsessed, just accept what is given to you and live your life.

Answer 9

Well, women often get pregnant immediately after the procedure, because the pressure of the dye being shot through the tubes is enough to clear out the "cobwebs" in there, and the sperm can get through.

Are you charting and everything? Are you overweight? Have you been tested for thyroid problems, insulin resistance? Have you had an ultrasound to see if you have cysts on your ovaries?

Have they tried giving you any meds yet? Clomid, metformin?

Good luck to you. I always believe it is possible to get pregnant. (hopefully it won't cost too much).

After having my own baby, I understand now that adopting a baby is NO different. You will bond just the same as you would with your own baby. I would adopt in an instant if I knew I couldn't have kids, but that is also expensive.

Answer 10

You have my sympathy. I can't speak from personal experience, but my sister in law always wanted kids, and couldn't wait to start a family. Then she had one problem after another - endo, cervical cancer, etc. All said, she had 6 surgeries and was told to give up even thinking she would have kids. It really hurt her for a long time, and she basically built up a defense against it by not getting into kids, or having much to do with them because it hurt her. She researched every thing out there that could help her. Eventually, she got past it, and it wasn't on her mind on a daily basis. She got pregnant, and her son just turned a year old.