Why is there so much pressure to get married? What's wrong with common-law?

Question

It's odd that I am asking this question when I want to get married. But why are so many people against the idea of common-law relationships?

People choose to get married because they want. Others feel that they do not need an overly expensive party to show they love each other. Common law couples have the same benefits of married ones.

Potential children: How is that different than a married couple? Or divorced couple?

Oh. Health insurance from work can be given to common-law spouses. That's how my "step-mom" gets it. Perhaps different places are different.

It makes me sad to see women abandon WORKING long-term relationship on the basis of no marriage. Clealy they didn't need mental and rock on their fingers to make a relationship work..

Answer 1

It sounds like you're confusing common-law marriages and living together. There's nothing wrong with either way of handling the relationship, as long as people are comfortable with it. Only a handful of states recognize common-law marriages - and you're right, in those states, if you follow the rules that define the relationship as common-law marriage, the common-law married couples have all the same benefits as the couples married the "regular" way; it essentially IS marriage - just with different paperwork.

In those states (the majority) that don't recognize common-law marriage, you have no rights or benefits of a married couple, no matter how long you live together. This is not to say that living together without getting married is somehow a bad idea - if it works for some people, then there's nothing wrong with it. To me, marriage has clear-cut benefits, most obviously in the practical sense (combining health insurance, auto insurance, etc) but also in the social sense - there's something to be said for having an official-sounding "title", instead of being "the woman he lives with" or "the guy she lives with", or "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" (what exactly does this mean, anyway? My brother-in-law had known the girl for a week when he started referring to her as his "girlfriend"). Once my husband and I were married, overnight our relationship achieved the status that it could not have achieved after years of co-habitating. Sure, for some people, social status matters very little. Again - there's nothing wrong with this. Everyone has their own priorities. Personally, I like things to be "official" - it's just easier this way. I have nothing against marriage, and I see a lot of benefits of it - so I have no problem getting married; it's not a matter of principle, it's a matter of practicality, and making my life easier. I didn't want an "overly expensive" party, and I didn't have one; the point was to BE married, not to have a "wedding" - these are two different things.

Generally speaking, I'm not against people doing whatever makes them happy. I've got nothing against dating, living together, not living together, getting married, not getting married. I am not religious, so religious arguments for marriage don't apply in my world. And without religion, one is left with "do whatever makes you happy". Marriage makes me happy, so this was what I chose, and would choose again. But it really doesn't mean that everyone must make the same choice.

Answer 2

Well, slight correction here: common-law marriages COULD have the same benefits of married ones, but you still need to have some proof of being married to receive those benefits. A long-term live-in boyfriend/girlfriend does not have the same rights as a spouse, and it's important from a legal standpoint to have those rights clearly stated. If something should happen to one person, the spouse will have a difficult time proving that they have a right to make life-and-death medical decisions for them, get power of attorney, receive insurance benefits, inherit property, etc.

Too many people assume that living together a long time makes them "as good as" married, and they therefore don't have to worry about making a will or living trust or advanced directive. A simple civil ceremony would simplify a lot of these problems (although nothing eliminates the need for advanced planning).

Answer 3

The definition of common-law marriage is a couple that are planning to get married, someday. It usually takes several years of living together, paying bills together, changing your name and other things before a common-law marriage is considered official. Then it takes just as much trouble as a regular marriage to divorce this person when things go bad. Some people just want that promise of commitment now, not 5 or 6 years from now. Plus not all states recognize common-law.

Answer 4

You're absolutely right- my BF of 5 years and I are definitely married in the eyes of the law. We have lived together for nearly 3 years, and you know what? Everything's going great. But it seems that these days we can't go anywhere without some nosy person asking us why we're not married yet. I actually do want to get married, but my BF is almost 2 years younger than I am, and frankly he's just not ready to be a husband, and I respect his wish to stay unmarried for a while longer. But everywhere we go, I get this: "Why's he dragging his feet? If I were you, I'd tell him to marry me or get out." Like all the fabulous aspects of our relationship should just be thrown out with the trash because he hasn't proposed! And on his end, it's even worse. Yesterday was our 5-year anniversary, and when he told everyone at his job about it, all they could focus on was the fact that we'd been together 5 years and he hadn't proposed yet. Never mind that he got me a cool iPod for an anniversary gift. Never mind that we have a fantastic life with a great apartment and an awesome dog and tons of love. Just the whole unmarried thing again. It's getting really frustrating. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that the only reason I even want to get married is just to shut everyone up, and to me that isn't a good enough reason. I think we'd continue to be just as happy as we are right now even if we never got married. We could even-gasp!-have kids!! People and their traditions need to step off...

Answer 5

I don't see the issue either. My parents too 31 years to get married and that was mainly to sort some things out around inheritance
I am in a common law relationship and loving it.

Maybe it is not so much about the marriage people a reeling against It is that they miss out on the wedding (free big party)

Answer 6

I'd say its one of those society pressures. I suppose its easier to live with someone than get married in some ways, as in being easier to get out of the relationship, but there is a sense of security in being married. I don't see anything wrong with common law, or living together if there is a genuine commitment.

Answer 7

I agree with you 100%. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, at least if you repeat the vows "til death do us part", that involves fully committing yourself to one person for-e-ver. The reason there are so many divorces is because people do not think this out thoroughly. We cannot honestly swear before God that our feelings for a person are going to remain the same, that circumstances aren't going to change, etc. Life happens. People can live their lives together without having a ceremony sealing any kind of vows, without the expensive party as you said, etc. And yes, children are going to be loved the same regardless of a legal document being on file at the courthouse. I am in full support of people choosing to simply be together without all the song and dance.

Answer 8

the place interior the bible does it say 2012? i could extremely prefer to work out that print. basically through fact the Mayan (even with the shown fact that it extremely is spelled) calendar ended? Or Nostradamus? Or another bullshit? the international won't be able to end. and that i choose you to call a 5 3 hundred and sixty 5 days time span without hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes and fires. they have exceeded off through fact the start of time. it extremely is bullshit which you have become apprehensive over a calendar that stopped that day. Oh and plus, why could you prefer to convey a newborn into this international just to be taken out by ability of the Apocalypse? Plus, we'd be attentive to weeks beforehand, through fact supposedly Jesus will come back previously the twenty first. even with the shown fact that it replaced right into a freaking calendar. Do you heavily think of the mayans could desire to save writing as quickly as they have been wiped out. i think of i could stop making a calendar by ability of then too. it is so stupid. all and sundry is throwing their lives away through fact they're too oblivious to think of it by way of.

Answer 9

I was pressure into marriage. At first I didn't want to get married, right away. But my wife's family pressured me into the marriage routine. I really wanted to live with her, like common law for a couple of years, to see if we were compatible or not, but I gotten pressure, only because I was having to much sex with her, every single day. So my wife's parents pressue me into marriage becuase of this! I really did wanted too, at the begining.

Answer 10

The big deciding factor for me was watching my best friend having to sit in the ER waiting room while her "boyfriend" of FIFTEEN years (even though they'd lived together for 10 of the 15 years) lay dying on the other side of the door after a car accident.

Due to the fact that she was not TECHNICALLY "family" (regardless of their living arrangements OR the fact that they had a 3 year old child!), she was not allowed to see him either before or after he died.

She was only allowed to see him at the funeral parlor AFTER his mother flew in from Missouri and claimed his body!! It was an absolute outrage!! But that was the law at the time.

I decided then and there that if I were ever THAT emotionally connected to a person, I would NOT leave something like that up to chance.