ok, here it goes, it's gonna be my dad's 6th death anniversary (or however it is called) soon and I don't know what I can do for my mom, I remember the last years she was totally out of her mind for days, just lyin around and cryin all day and night, no eatin, no sleepin.. I'm so afraid of this to happen again this year, what can I do???
2007-09-06 04:53:40 · 13 answers · asked by Carrie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I'm not over it either but I try to manage..
2007-09-06 05:07:02 · update #1
My mom died almost 10 yrs ago so I understand. And it actually bothered me more on Mothers Day than her birthday. I actually still bought her a card for probably 5 years and just kept it in a special box.
It is so hard to get past a persons death especially a parent, I am sure everyone has said "he would want you to be happy" and you know that. I guess what I might do, is what did he love to do? Spend the day doing what he liked, or playing the games he liked playing with you. It is OK to hurt and OK to remember him but it should not be a terribly sad time. Ask your mom to go and do something have fun and remember the wonderful things about him but ask her if you can try to keep it happy thoughts.
I am not sure of your financial situation, but it really sounds like you both need some counseling on how to deal with your grief.
And sometimes even a mom has breakdowns, on day like his birthday I am sure it is harder for her, I hope she is not like this a lot as that is not good for either of you.
You are a very good daughter to care so much about your mom.
My husband is alive, but it is still my daughters who are the sweetest to me when I am hurting. They are only 6 and 8 but whenever I cry they write me love notes. You could actaully try that, write her a note and tell her why you are glad she is still here, of course not that your glad he is not but remind her of all the reason you love her.
2007-09-06 06:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Let her grieve. Be supportive. Perhaps you can take care of things in the home while she goes into mourning mode-- or just quietly sit with her while she grieves if she will allow this. Can you talk with your mom about this situation before it comes up so that you can acknowledge the situation, acknowledge the pain, and figure out a different way of figuring out what to do during that time?
Many people become very grieving on the anniversary of deaths and this behavior may persist for years. Your mom may not react the same way this year as last year. Perhaps last year was especially stressful and lonely for her because of other things that were going on in her life at that time. Hopefully, she will find peace and closure as the years go on, but you shouldn't expect her not to be unaffected when the anniversary --or other important dates in her marriage--come along. If she seems suicidal or if the depression and grief continue for more than 2 weeks, then you should try to get her to a doctor or have see if you can get other relatives to intervene to get her to a doc.
2007-09-06 05:06:02 · answer #2 · answered by philosophyangel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I know exactly how you are feeling-I am coming up on the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I also lost my dad several years ago, and I can honestly say that things get easier with time. Not that you will ever forget, but the pain eases some. Try talking with your mom about the good times you had with your dad, make the day a positive one. Your dad would have wanted you all to keep living a joyous life, not one filled with pain.
2007-09-06 05:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by WVPV07 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be 6 years in Jan. when my dad passed away. What my mom does every year is have a mass for him and then we go eat at his favorite restuarant and we all tell stories and laugh at how silly he was and how much we all miss him. It's nice for my mom to spend the day with us kids and have a wonderful memory day just thinking of him.
But you just need to be there for her. I know it's hard. I cry about 2 days a week just missing him but I know he is around me and watching over my mom, us kids, and his grandkids.
God bless you and your family.
2007-09-06 05:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do. We each must deal with grief in our own way. Mom's way isn't exactly healthy, but it's her way. She's making her grief her memorial to your dad instead of looking for some positive way to remember him, something good to do in his memory. All you can do is let her cry, be prepared to take care of yourself while she's in her basket case mood, maybe suggest a quiet dinner together at her favorite restaurant. Otherwise, do what you need to do to get yourself through this difficult period, and try not to take on the burden of mom's grief, too.
2007-09-06 05:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the 7th year anniversary of my brothers death is coming up too. on that day i just try to surround my self with other things so i can keep it out of my mind. like maybe you could plan something to do on that day like go see other family or go out to eat. do something exciting so you don't feel that way. have a positive attitude. at my house for my brother we think back to good memories with him, not just the fact that hes gone. its hard to do but it kinda helps
2007-09-06 08:25:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you both needs to go out and maybe take the day and go for a hike or go some where fun he wouldn't want you guys just laying around crying maybe look threw some old pix and make a scarp book
2007-09-06 05:03:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take her away for a nice break if you can manage some money then listen to me...
Hire a car
Take her to the cemetary and place flowers
Then whisk her off to a nice place to meet with friends and relatives who can CHEER her up
Then maybe take her to a spa and tell her this is what daddy would want us to do and somehow help her to get her mind off though its ok to cry a bit only for a short time as it might hurt her body and mind and upset her and cause her stress
2007-09-06 05:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Just do your best to keep her mind else where also maybe go do somthing with her to show her that even though your dad is gone that your'e still here for her.
2007-09-06 04:59:53 · answer #9 · answered by heavens_fairys@yahoo.com 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do someting to celebrate his life. Do you think it makes him happy to know that she is still in pain? Take her to a place they used to go together, look at old family pictures and videos, plant a tree in his memory. We can't live our lives in the past.
2007-09-06 05:06:27 · answer #10 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋