I love him. He says he loves me. but all this fighting!! He wont go get help. He says it is all me. I cause all the fights. I went to a theripist and she said I was fine. He is bi-polar and wont take meds and says he is over it. I cant keep living this rollercoaster life. What should I do?
2007-09-06 04:50:09 · 34 answers · asked by suzi_is_here2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you know what you should do! You need to leave him....you're probably staying because you do care for him, but what you need to realize is that you CAN'T change him! Only he can change him and it doesn't sound like he wants to. Let me tell you...being with someone who is bi-polar and refuses to take meds is like living with a time bomb. Put your kids best interest at heart and get them away from him!! I lived like this for years with my ex and almost waited too late to get out....my waiting caused a lot more problems for my kids rather than helping them by staying with their Dad. There is not a day goes by that I don't wish with all my heart I had been strong enough to do what I knew in my heart was right at the time and leave him!!! Please don't wait until it's too late!!
2007-09-06 04:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This roller coaster life that you lead is the life that you have chosen up to this point. Living in an unhealthy relationship is not good for any parties involved. You, Him, and most importantly your kids. First off you should not be with a man who as you say HATES your kids. They are going to feel that they are the cause of all your fights and they can tell if he hates them. If you stay with him there is a good chance that your kids may resent you for keeping them in a place that they feel unwanted. Even if you love him it should be your kids first. And if he loves you as mch as he says he does than he wouldn't hate your kids. If he loves you he would love every part of you and that includes your kids. If this man will not take his medication to help him control his depression than he does not love you as much as he says he does.
You are going to have to leave him. That is all there is to it.
He is not going to chance. Beleive me I've been there but my husband did get help AFTER I left him. It took me leaving with the kids for him to realize that he wanted to change his behavior. If you leave it may open his eyes and it may change but don't expect it to happen overnight and don't go back the first time he asks. Make him prove to you that he is willing to change. Start going to therapy, take his meds everyday stuff like that.
aAnd if he doesn't change oh well at least you won't be in an unhealthy relationship and you will have set a good example for your kids.
Also just to inform you, By DHS standards fighting all the time in front of children is a form of neglect and you can get your kids taken away for that.
2007-09-06 05:07:55 · answer #2 · answered by jgantz07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love him, and he says he loves you, but he say's the fighting is all your fault? Hello? If you love someone that also means that you respect that person too. Blaming them for anything bad that happens isn't showing love and it sure isn't showing respect. You can love someone till your blue in the face and your heart is breaking, but that doesn't mean that person will love you or for that matter respect you back. Take a break. I am not saying throw in the towel, I am saying seperate for awhile. Explain that things are getting crazy and it isn't a good enviorment for the kids. Explain that he needs to go back to his doctor and get back on his meds. Once he is regulated back then start talking about the relationship. Don't waste your breath on it now because he thinks everything in the world that happens and is bad is someone elses problem or fault not his. Until he stops the blame game and takes responsibility you will be hurt emotionally. Take a time out for you and your kids mental wellbeing.
2007-09-06 04:55:42 · answer #3 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He hates your kids, and he's bi-polar??? Bad combo!! Think of the safety and well being of your children before you think about your wants and leave the guy!!! What if you stay with him, and in a fit of rage he hurts one of your kids? It won't matter to him because he hates them anyways... But how would you feel knowing that you intentionally kept your kids in a dangerous situation just because you didn't want to walk away? Move on honey... Face the fact that this man is not husband/father material and find someone who is. Someone who will truly love you, and will love your kids as well!
2007-09-06 05:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what you should do. The key was in the third sentence.They will be around for a lifetime. The schmuck will be around as long as you LET him. You say you love this man? I'm sorry for you, as he DOES NOT love you back. As painful as that maybe to hear, it is time to find someone who does love you. Spend some time alone ang get to love yourself first ,then let somone else truly love you. I'll bet you are bending over backwards to try to be what this man wants and he can see this. Move on with a break in between relationships and be yourself. Men like him are a dime a dozen, you need that one in a million!
2007-09-06 05:01:01 · answer #5 · answered by onebusy_b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get off the rollercoaster. A rollercoaster is only fun for a very short time, after that it makes you want to throw up.
You are in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill. He won't take his medication that could go along way to helping his condition. He hates your kids. You fight all the time. What more do you need to know?
By the way a therapist who tells you that you are fine and that everything is someone else's fault, is a pretty poor therapist. The only way she could really judge that is during couples counseling, and frankly the statement is still largely unhelpful.
What you need to do is find someone who you can get along with who likes your kids. Without that, all you have is a bad relationship that you lack the courage to leave.
But let's not make this all about you for a moment. Let's make this about something more important; your kids. You chose to have kids, and it is your responsibility to look after them, or give them to someone else who will. I doubt they are enjoying being in a home where the man of the house hates them and they get to watch you fight with him all the time. You could be causing long term psychological problems for them. So stop thinking about yourself, and think about doing what is right for your children. Continuing as you are is very likely to hurt them.
2007-09-06 04:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by ZCT 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hello do you have that little bit of self esteem about yourself that you are going to allow some man who has "bi-polar" run your life? Do you even love your kids? I mean come on now, they should be the most important thing to you and you should learn to be strong enough to stand up for them and yourself. Not trying to be mean or harsh but think about what you are asking. Do you believe in the Lord? Pray? Ask him for help, but don't keep punishing your kids and yourself..
2007-09-06 04:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Instead of posting a question that you already know the answer to what you SHOULD be doing is packing your bags and LEAVING!
Not only for yourself but for your children. Despite all the bad things he does you are staying with him for your own selfish reasons.
If you care about your children you will get them away from this negative person.
2007-09-06 04:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by SweetPea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
PLease leave for your kids sake, my mom did the same thing and stayed in an abusive relationship wether it verbal, emotional or phsyical it is all abuse and you kids will end up resentiong you for a relationship that will inevitably end anyway. I ti is never hard even to leave the best relationships for any reason but the sooner you do it the sooner you will get over it. Good Luck
2007-09-06 04:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by gotta be Stella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault it's his and you need to get out of this situation before someone gets hurt. He is blaming you for his situation and all the arguements. Geta friend with you when you let him go or better yet call the police. They tend to react violent when forced to make a decision. Take Care!
2007-09-06 04:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋