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If a woman was married to a man who drank and gambled, she was sick of it so started an affair with another man, left her husband. Two years later he is clean and stopped gambling. They have two kids, 21/2 and 5.

Her friends are telling her that she was wrong to have an affair and that he never gambled or drank away the money and they never were behind on bills, still had lots of savings and a 401(k) and he makes a lot of money and he was never falling down drunk or had a dui so it was just her being judgmental anyway.

I don't know that I agree with this. What do you think?

2007-09-06 04:37:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

15 answers

She didn't respect him (duh?), and she had no integrity, so she blamed her actions on her lack of respect for him. It's just an excuse. People with integrity don't cheat. They will leave people they don't respect, and they will tell them straight to their face they are losing respect for them before it gets to that point because they know who they are, but they don't cheat.

If the man in question has any self-respect, he should kick her to the curb.

2007-09-06 04:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Both alchol and gambling are addictions and whether it financial hurts a family or doesn't it WILL hurt the family emotionally. I believe that both people in the relationship was in the wrong. If there was a issue the wife should NEVER have complicated it by having an affair. It wasn't fair to herself nor to her husband. Nor was the husband in the right by going off on his own and getting drunk and gambling. BUT no one really knows what goes on in a person's house except for the people who live there. Anyone can make a judgement call, but that doesn't mean the judgement is right.
If both people after time have come back together and feel that they are emotionally ready to be in a committed and healthy relationship AND they are able to leave the past in the past then I think more power to them.
But both of them have to admit that each played a part in the breakdown of the marriage before.

2007-09-06 11:47:02 · answer #2 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0 1

I know that it is hard to live with an addict, but still that is not an excuse to cheat. If you weren't happy you should have divorced him then moved on with your life. I am not trying to judge you but I am letting you know that you are not perfect, nor is he. Sounds like you both made some mistakes and if the love is still there, why not try again. What's the worst that could happen? If it doesn't work then you've already been there and done that. But if it does work, you guys could have something really special. Maybe you both have grown and can actually have a marriage now. But the choice is yours. You can give it a chance or spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have worked out.

2007-09-06 12:04:15 · answer #3 · answered by faith 5 · 0 0

Two wrongs don't make a right. She should have left, instead of having an affair. That her mistake.
The point is that his drinking and gambling was an issue, regardless of how much in debt it put them. If she couldn't handle it and he wouldn't change she had every right to leave, but that doesn't make her decision to have an affair okay.
Seek counseling.

2007-09-06 11:50:36 · answer #4 · answered by vixen312 1 · 0 0

beside having a drinking and gambling problem was he physically abusive? Before having an affair, did you offer to get him help for his drinking and gambling problem? Seems like he did take care of you and the kids financially very well. As a wife it was your duty to help him get over this problem, but you choose to give up on him. So you both are at fault. You both need to give it another try.

2007-09-06 11:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0 0

Sounds like the man was working very hard and the relationship went a bit wrong, maybe, or he just went a bit off the rails He resorted to booze and gambling and she had an affair.

Standing by her man was too much like hard work and instead of trying to help sort this out she went and had an affair.

She failed to help him out at a time of crisis (despite marriage vow being for sickness and in health) and to add to that was unfaithful.

She was disloyal to the contract of marriage - ultimately, he was not.

If he forgives her for this he is a Very Good Man but I suggest he finds a better woman, one who isn't so obsessed with his money and who will stand by him whenever times get hard, as he would stand by her.

2007-09-06 11:47:06 · answer #6 · answered by Paul M 5 · 1 0

if youre not comfortable with your significant other's habits you shouldnt have to deal with them even though a lot of money sounds like a good security for the future, you still dont have to go through the mental torture everyday, you can make your own money and be independant as opposed to rely on others, stand on your own feet and find someone who has the same values as you, togethor you can make things better, drinking and gambling are the two habits that never get better, they can only get worse.

2007-09-06 11:49:15 · answer #7 · answered by sick00000 1 · 0 0

Would he even want her back?? He was able to stop, so maybe they should have tried counseling. She was wrong to have an affair and it doesn't sound like she did anything to try and make her marriage work. You know, for better or WORSE. The first step is to always try to fix the problem.

If he would even have her back, she probably shouldn't go because she didn't love him much to begin with.

2007-09-06 11:48:02 · answer #8 · answered by Maria C 2 · 1 0

did it cause an emotional rift...like was he always gone and never spending time w/ his family? I had a stepdad that always had to have his beer, but i never saw him drunk once in my entire life....

I dont know why she would have an affair first off before breaking things off, but then i wouldnt understand him wanting her back after she cheated on him...if his "habits" never got in the way of raising their kids and if he was responsible while doing it i can not say it was horrible....therefore i suppose there is some truth in what the friends said!

2007-09-06 11:45:32 · answer #9 · answered by tll 6 · 0 1

Marriages should last through good times and bad. That's what you promise to each other. No matter what he was doing, she had no right to cheat on him.

If he's straightened up, what's the problem? The only problem I see is him finding out she cheated.

2007-09-06 11:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0 1

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