My wife and I do not get along. Personality clash need help!?

Question

Hello,

Here's the skinny of the situation:

Our brief history:
My wife and I have been together since high school. We went to college together and then got married a couple years after living together first.

They say opposites attract each other and if so we prove this rule. I'm from the projects and she is from the suberbs. I'm a very firery personality she is much different.

For the last 2 months we have had issues every single week.

Each issue regardless of the details of the occurance inevitably end up highlighting the differences in our personalities instead of who was right or wrong.

In other words once something happens and we take a look at why it happened in terms of preventing it from happening again we find ourselves discovering that it probably can't be prevented because of who we both are.

To describe the bad part of my personality you could say "jerk"
for her she is a "b" when she is in her negative vibe.

How can a jerk and a b get along?

Answer 1

The temporary solution is for you each to resolve to let it slide when the other engages in behaviors consistent with being a jerk or a b. In other words, when she acts like a b just ignore it and don't engage in an argument. Instead, change the subject, leave the room, or whatever you have to do in order to avoid conflict. She should do the same, and each of you should give the other one permission to do so when the other starts this jerk or b behavior.

The long-term solution is for you to resolve to stop being a jerk and for her to resolve to stop being a b. This requires introspection, hard work, and a willingness to hear and accept heartfelt feedback from your spouse. However, there is no greater road to improving a marriage than through self-improvement!

And, I practice what I preach. In my early 20s, I was lust-driven, selfish, and immature, relatively speaking. Now I am in control, thoughtful of others, and age-appropriately mature. It wasn't easy getting here. But if I could overcome those defects of character, you can overcome being a jerk.

Answer 2

You guys are lucky enough in the fact that you are still trying to communicate with each other even when you are angry. And being able to analyz the problem after the occurence is actually quite surprising since most couples have major issues even getting past the point of pointing fingers on who is guilty or not. Or even who is right and who is wrong. You are already working on showing people that "a jerk and a b" can get along. Your already WAY ahead of the game. Maybe a getting involved in just a little bit of communication therapy will help you both. I think you are both very lucky. Yes you have small issues to work on, but I really think you are doing tons better then some couples I know. They can't even make it to first base without looking like they will both be thrown out of the ballpark.

Answer 3

A jerk and a "b" can get along if they accept the other person for who they are and not try to change them to be what they want. Your differences can be a refreshing part of your marriage, if you are willing to work with them and not use them for an excuse anytime something goes wrong. You need to learn to live together and forgive each other's faults and weaknesses if you're going to make it long term. Be flexible and stop arguing over petty things that won't make a bit of difference in one year's time. If necessary, seek counseling to settle your differences, get past this and you could have a fulfilling marriage.

Answer 4

Is it that you are so different or that you are more alike that you recognise? Take some time to sit alone with yourself and ask what you are afraid of. Sometimes it helps to recognise that the things we are afraid of losing, or that we want more of are just symptoms of our own insecurities and have little to do with the other person. Bottom line, you can't change each other but you can remember what you liked about each other. Focus on those things that you both bring to the relationship that are positive and use those skills to find compromise. Most people get angry when they are afraid. Talk about your fears together and work independantly to face them. Hope things work out.

Answer 5

I think everyone can be a jerk and a B****. The important thing is to do things with love...that eliminates the bad part of you. Every couple goes through spells where they look at one another and think...."who are you?" and maybe don't like each other very much at that point. Give it time, it will straighten out if you both want it to.

Answer 6

If you've been together this long, why is it just now coming out? There has to be something else going on with one or both of you if you have never fought like this before. Maybe there is unusual amounts of stress from work, etc. causing you to fight?

You two can't seem to identify the problem, so you need to see a marriage counselor.

Answer 7

try finding your Friday-night essence if you don't know what that means let me tell you your Friday-night essence is happiness and whats make you both happy having fun go out more bring the child out that you both left and the past and try talking more like every morning you wake up tell her she everything you wanted or something like that and let your wife read this too my Friends parents were going through these same problem I told them to look for Friday-night essence and it worked now all day do is hang out I wish I could do that with my parents but I was 2yrs old when they got divorce now I 15 living with my dad and he know they both made a big mistake.

Answer 8

Didnt you realize this when you were dating and living together? If you were together for ever, then how could you miss it. Sorry dude, your married now. Work it out, marriage shouldnt be thrown away so easily.

Love is blind, you both should have worked out your issues before getting married.

Answer 9

You obviously got along at some point. Try to sit down and talk to each other and remember what you love about eachother.

Answer 10

I have to laugh on this question it sounds like the ex husband and I. After 30 years I filed for divorce. Oh well.....