Why did no one help me? I asked a genuine question about how I am treating my man and got only two answers?

Question

One of the answerers (my friend) called me a control freak which was kind of shocking to me because I thought I was too linient or a just bit mean and wanted to make improvements, or rather find a balance. The last thing i expected was being called a control freak. Why don't we like to help each other out? what an i doing wrong in my relationship? The question is here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArQa8NskLM8mCE__WeR5_Prsy6IX?qid=20070906055426AAZvUh2

Thanks again Generosity. That's reassuring to hear. Zellparis I don't know if that is sarcastic but I'm hoping that i'd never have to treat another human being like that - unless of corse he got the idea to beat me or something of that sort.

Thanks you all. What we did is we shared the chores and i asked him to concetrate on those ones 'coz he has no interest in cooking, tidying up around the house and is, in my opinion, not good at doing laundry (which he tried several times and ruined many garments). When I got tired of him thinking that a bed makes itself I asked him to try at least once a week. I know, there's always room for improvement on both sides. About the going out part, three of my female co-workers say their man has to drink at home, not outside. So I don't believe I'm the worst so I am not going to change that part, I will be honest about it from the get go. Two days a week is not too bad.

Idona Plae, I am not going to change my screen name at all because then some one is trying to control me, and is doing exactly what i'm being advised about now.

悪夢, it depends. But you haven't asked me about mine (the drive). Ha ha . Thanks.

I understand my friend Jethro. The truth hurts but i'm willing to take it once in a while and i accept your answer. No offense taken.

Answer 1

Most of the serious questions receive few responses. The trollish questions always get the most attention - sad but true. I don't think you're a control freak.

What's unreasonable about this? He has to do some chores (still not 50%). Nobody WANTS to wash the dishes, hoover etc, but women will do those things because they have to be done. He is only doing what he should be doing.

Answer 2

I apologize if I hurt you Princess, but it was unintended. I'm
sorry but that was my honest opinion which is what I would have wanted from a friend of mine. I see this behavior every day on my job. I am well aware of what it means. I have seen it many times in my own family with tragic consequences. It deserves deeper insight. I would never hurt any person or say something mean. I felt that it was a constructive criticism. My brother died from this type of behavior. My own marriage nearly shattered from this type of behavior. A relationship is about working together to make a blessed existence for both people in the relationship. Honesty is harsh on your soul when you realize you were wrong. I always ask forgiveness from my mate and work hard not to do the same thing again. That's what love is about. Caring ,truth and honesty. You can't build a solid foundation without it. I have been with the same lovely woman for 27 years, we grew and learned the real meaning of respect to each other together.

Answer 3

No I don't think your a control freak either and I would have answered you but have only been doing this a week! In this day and age couples share the chores of the house and some things - like home improvements and taking out the rubbish, are in my opinion mens jobs. My only concern is that you are maybe being a little heavy calling him when he is out with the 'boys' and I think you should stop that. I don't think you are doing anything wrong in the relationship but he may have been brought up to believe differently. If this is the case talk to him and see if you can work on a compromise - and that does not mean being a doormat or his slave! Just remember you have a life too and deserve your own time and space.

Answer 4

Wow, having read your original question I have to agree with your friend. You are a control freak and I wouldn't have looked twice at a woman like you in my younger days. He must feel like he's leading a dog's life.

Look, a relationship is about give and take, and you seem to be far more take than give. Do you both work? If so then it's fair that he does a share of the housework, sure, but it's not his fault that you have no interest in the car, so why take that into account?

And as for phoning him twice while he's out, and telling him if he doesn't answer don't come home, that's just saying very loudly that you don't trust him at all. He's your PARTNER for God's sake woman, not your child, not your wayward teenage son. You have no right to act like he's a possession!

As for when he goes on the internet or makes phone calles, he's an adult and can decide that for himself. Do you pay all the bills for this? Do you own the phone and computer?

If I was him I would have left you long ago, you're lucky to have a man with your attitudes.

Answer 5

I think you may do well to relax a bit, all those rules, how you got time for love ?
Everyone is different,; if my wife started calling the shots in our house like that she would soon become an "ex ".
In our house hoover, washing machine, duster, sink and detergent are womens toys. Lawnmower, chainsaw,spade fishing rods and motorcycles are boys toys.
And before I get a torrent of abuse from all the feminists out there, my wife is very happy, has her own social life and holidays, and we love each other loads. Oh by the way, I do the cooking too !, but then I am a chef.
Make love not war as the saying goes !!

Answer 6

Lady you need to live with me fo awhile, and that Hitler attitude you have will quickly me put in check. There as to be a balance, I refuse to work all day and then come home to chores and demands like I'm a 4 year old. Lady if I have roll my sleeves up, Please believe you rolling yours up too. Or like I told my wife and kids " U have to get the HELL outa here" I believe the man and woman are equal in the household. No one person should dominate a loving home.

Answer 7

Going off what you've said he sounds genuine to me. Thats some of the things I would do if meeting a girl for the first time, and he sounds like a gentleman if he is waiting for you to feel comfortable about taking your relationship to the next step. Keep taking it slow though. Take care :-)

Answer 8

if your man needs to be told all these things you're better off without him. i assume he tells you the things he expects you to do too? do you really think without these rules he would let you do all the work? and you have 9 answers not 2, you really are a very demanding person aren't you! why not try a more softlyy softl approach? be patient and let people answer in their own time, see what you man can d without the rules...and praise him accordingly when he pleases you. i agree partners should share household work, provided you both work that is. I'd just relax a little if i were you!

Answer 9

your friend is right. you're a control freak and a bit anal. this schedule would drive anyone nuts. why does everything have to be so regimented? why can't you just work together? i come from the belief that if it's full, empty it, if it falls, pick it up, if it's dirty, wash it and if it cries, take care of it. this is basic stuff here. one person does not get to tell the other what they have to do. if it's a relationship where one does nothing and the other does everything, it's no relationship.

Answer 10

I'll cut you a break and answer this.

First of all it is your screen name. Change it.
Second of all, it's your nasty attitude. Change it.
Thirdly, in a relationship the two people involved, should do things because they 1) Want to 2) respect each other
and number
4) We don't like it when abuse is involved within a question or an answer. Change it
And finally if it was your husband who was asking us a question regarding you, We would probably tell him to leave, run as fast as he can.
I am sorry but that is my answer. If your attitude will allow you to accept this you may have a chance to survive the Yahoo people who care. If not, might as well be on your way.