MEN: If you cheat on your wife does that mean you don't love her anymore?

Question

Or does it mean you never loved, or weren't sure of love when you married, what does it mean and did you lose willingness to get help (counseling) or did you just grow apart and wife was less receptive to your needs. Please tell me ur thoughts.

hand2hand: although ur comment made my stomach hurt... i have to admit my dad did the same thing to me and it tore my family apart. i don't respect him for his decision to cheat but i respect his decision to leave us and nurture from a distance.

Answer 1

I dont think dat if you cheat dat you dont love her anymore. Da only source i have is my pops, i remember onetime when i was young he took me to some chicks house and handled his biz. Dont really know why i was there but i asked him who was this woman and if he didnt love my mom anymore. He said da chick was somebody dat thought he was cute and dat my mom was da best thing dat ever happened in his life next to my birth. I didnt understand it, so i started watchin him and my mother could not have been happier. My dad was literally DA MAN...had everything goin for us and then i ended up wit a sister from somebody dat thought he was cute. Tore my mom up. My dad was a good man and a dick at da same time. We had a family talk sayin dat he felt dat he had ultimately direspected and humiliated da woman of dream and dat he needed to leave...Now you can say he just said dat cus he f*cked up and got caught but there is just somethin in peoples eyes dat virtually peers in there soul and you can tell they mean it. Yes cheatin is wrong in every sense of da word but i do not feel dat just becus someone cheated dat they love you none da less

Answer 2

Not necessarily. I have never cheated on my wife, but I am not going to say I haven't been tempted either. If I were to give into one of these temptations then it doesn't mean that I don't love my wife. It just means I got caught up in a situation that I wasn't able to abstain. I love my wife and children more than anything in this world, but at the same time everyone (men and women alike) can be caught in a situation where sexual emotions can take hold and for that moment in time you may give in. It doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you don't love your spouse but at one moment in time you were weak. That is all. Too many people read into these and assume the worst without ever asking or wanting to hear why it happened.

Answer 3

I will be booed for this answer...emotional cheating is different from physical cheating. It's the same as what draws 2 people together, usually physical is first and then emotions develop. I know neither type of cheating is good and many people consider them both equally bad and they are. By the way, women cheat too. They are less likely to be caught too. I think for some men they just yearn for a woman who pays attention to them and focuses on their needs. I hate to say that it's more common for infidelity to occur while their are children receiving all the attention from mom, but sadly I think that's the majority of when the cheating occurs. I also agree with you that people grow apart, needs are not met, etc. To use a junkie analogy: if you're eating the same thing every night, don't you get tired? Couples need to spice things up and keep their relationship from becoming dull.

Answer 4

True love is all about unselfishness. Most people, especially men, don't know the true meaning of love. In our society today, most relationships are built around sex, rather than love. For example, a couple starts dating and they "like" each other. From there they jump into a bed and begin a sexual relationship, which gives them the illusion that they have love in their relationship, when all they really have is infatuation. Most couples today enter in marriage with only the illusion that they are in love. True love will always prevail over an individuals desire to cheat. If I had to select an answer to what it means if a man cheats on his wife, I would have to select D) All of the above. What you have to realize is that every situation is different. Most people take marriage for granted. While marriage is most certainly a good thing, it is also hard work. Love is something that is often compared to a flame. To keep a flame going you have to continue to feed it or else it will eventually burn out. That is what often happens in marriage. One person, or sometimes even both individuals stop putting forth the effort necessary to keep the flame going.
However, as a believer, I believe that through God all things are possible and if a man truly repents and accepts Jesus as his Lord and personal Saviour than the marriage can be saved. Without God or any type of spiritual awakening the man will continue his selfish, cheating ways. Peace and God bless.

Answer 5

Men will always "look". It's part of the unwritten "hetero" code of behavior. The dysfunction falls on the individual. The wife becomes a "security" blanket. That neurotic backbone that gives confidence to try a "line" and "explore" unknown territory. Like an immature child pushing a cookie jar till the lid "accidentally" falls off. Next thing someone has a coffee date and so on. Still professing his love for the unsuspecting wife. Maybe it's something he feels he never experienced while still single. Wrong is wrong and when caught he will weasel his way back to wife's good graces. Pretty lame. He was weak and now it's the wife's fault for not fullfilling his "needs" . Counseling(?), back in you grandmothers time he would get a beat down.

Answer 6

I am trying to find an answer myself. I can only say what my husband of 28 years of marriage told me when I found out that he was having multiple affairs. He confessed of "all" affairs, at least the ones he remembered. He said he had "meaningless" affairs right after our first year of marriage. He was a salesman and traveled frequently. 1) It was easy 2) It was available 3) It was the chase. Through out our marriage he always professed how much he loved me and how I always was in his plans. He then he continued by saying that it was his fault completely and I was not to be blame for anything. That he was stupid and that he did not needed then and did not needed now. I don't know if this answer your question. It does not answer mine. I am a thinker it seems that he is a player. I remember him quoting this Italian phrase few times: "Veni, vidi, vici" "I came; I saw; I conquered". I know understand why he like it so much.

Answer 7

You can have a affair even if you are in love with your wife. Sometimes things happen and the situations drive people to do something meaningless. The question here is: Is he doing it all the time? Is he going back to the same girl? Then in that case you have to worry about it. I guess you are going to have to do some checking around. But if it was just a one nightstand, then I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 8

I think that men who cheat really do have issues that they need to work out. I have never been able to understand why a man cheats with someone and then tells his wife I love u. That is not love that is being disrespected not just once but twice. Think about it, he cheats (disrespect) and then claims he loves her (disrespect). So no a man or a woman that cheats has the right to say that they love the person they are hurting or are going to hurt.

Answer 9

Not a man here...but my opinion is that if someone (male or female) cheats on their spouse, then they never really loved that person in the first place because if they cheat on them then they never respected that person, themselves or the relationship. If issues arise that cause someone to be unhappy with the other person or the relationship...if they actually cared and loved the person, they would discuss this problem and work on resolving it...they would have and show respect (not go out and CHEAT because they're "just not happy"). So...I think the true love of a mature relationship was never there to begin with, or else there would be no cheating involved. Anybody whose been through a few relationships has hopefully learned what it takes to make it work and they know what breaks it, too. We all live and learn...sometimes the hard way.

Answer 10

There are two reasons for cheating.

1. The cheater does not respect their significant other. This is a permanent condition. Even though a person may go through the motions, the respect never existed.

2. The cheater sees problems in the relationship and runs away from them. In this case there may be some love, but never enough to stop the running syndrome. This person has always run away from problems and relationships are no exception.

Either way, the cheater does not have love on a high list of priorities. These are people that just are not good at relationships. Cheaters almost always have repeat performances.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 11

i cheated on my wife a year ago and believe me, love had nothing to do with it. I loved her before during and after.

Just at the time we were going thru a very situation and it cuased us to argue and her to blame me for everything that was wrong in the world....including the war in Iraq. lol.

At the time i just needed a break from all the stress and drama in our relationship. And I found what I thought was it. But it turns out that all it did was cause more stress and drama. But I never stopped loving her.