Advice about marriage and money?

Question

I am getting married very soon, to a wonderful, trustworthy girl. I have been married before and have 2-kids from that marriage. The girl I am marrying is 8-years younger than I am, and she has helped me to make very good changes in my life.

But, the trade off is that she is kinda controlling. Everything has to be on her terms. She will not waver an inch on money issues. She has helped me to be alot more responsible with finances, but it is to the point that I am afraid to even spend any money without worrying about repercussions. She works but, I bring in about 75% of our income.

She is just so stubborn about everything. Do I put up with it because things are better in my life now. Or, is this just a prelude to what the rest of my life is going to be like.

Answer 1

Trust me the money thing is what you need or you would be out of controll. she put you in a better situation financially it sounds like it and she is trying to keep you there. Nothing wrong with it as long as you love her otherwise and she is would be a good wife and would love you. If it does come to you being that terrified about spending money sit down with her and discuss a budget for spending outside of the budget and tell her how you feel.

Answer 2

This is a prelude. You really need to work out these differences before you get married. Having a financial plan together is really the best way to go about it. If one partner is controlling everything it will lead to disagreements and fighting. Let her know how you feel and both of you sit down and work out a plan. You might be misunderstanding why she feels the need to control things. She might have a different picture in mind when it comes to savings and stability. See things from her point of view but have you own say as well. Until you can work this out, I wouldn't suggest getting married. Many couples fight about money issues, it's a leading cause of divorce. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Pelude

And you have been married before and are still using the words marriage and money in the same sentence as if you didnt know the 2 dont mix.

There is no such thing as a trustworthy woman at the time of divorce and even worse when there is a woman scorned.

If you have assetts now you should get a prenup and get her to hand over atleast 75% control to 50% control of the money.

I think you know but just needed to ask.

Answer 4

Have you talked to her about this and told her how you feel? If not, I'd do so and see what her reaction is.

I am much more conservative with money than my fiance. I worked hard to save my money- I made many sacrifices to get where I am today, with a condo, car, retirement plan, and a good amount of money in the bank. And I don't want to lose it.

I believe we're a partnership. And that goes both ways on this issue. On the one hand, I don't want to control him. We are partners and it's not healthy if one person is the "boss" on an issue. But on the other hand, it can make me angry when I see him blowing his money- spending over $100 in one day without thinking anything of it, seeing a new "toy" and wanting to buy it immediately...- while I'm being more frugal and paying all our bills with my income. We've talked about this and I think we've met in the middle. He has come to agree with my stance that we need to be smart with money now so that we can have the things we want in the future (including a new house). But I've also learned to relax and spend some money once in a while.

Sorry- this is long. But again I think you need to talk to her and CALMLY and SINCERELY tell her how you're feeling. If she's willing to discuss the issue- great. If she isn't, I certainly wouldn't want to live the rest of my life in the environment you describe.

Answer 5

It's good that she's had some positive influence in your life but you should never be afraid to talk to her about anything and you should not feel like a child...having to ask her permission about money issues and spending. Yeah, you need to be responsible but it's your money and although she may be more responsible as far as spending is concerned...it's still YOURS and you should have the main input regarding what you do with it. You should be able to talk openly and freely with her about anything and if she's so controlling and stubborn that she won't even discuss anything with you, then I'd definitely think long and hard before marrying this person. Just talk with her...tell her exactly what you have typed here in your question. What have you got to lose ? You're already having doubts...may as well put them to rest. Get it out in the open.

Answer 6

It's sounds like you're saying that money is only one of the places where she wants to be in control. I would say do not marry her until this is resolved. If she is controlling and stubborn then there will be no compromise in the marriage and that is necessary. When you go into a marriage, both people have to realize that there will need to be a bending of wills on both sides.

I would recommend premarital counseling. You have done this before, but if she hasn't then she has some things to learn. No matter what, don't marry her until this is worked out.

Answer 7

Bills get paid first. % of paycheck into savings account for the future, not to be touched( could be as little a $5 a week). A seperate account is for things that you want to have down the road(new appliance, big screen,etc.) Groceries, gas, haircuts, are part of the bills. Each should have money to spend however they would like. This amount should be decided upon between the two of you. If you can't communicate about this without ONE, and not the other agreeing , then you will have problems down the line. It takes Two to make this work. Money is the biggest reason for trouble in a marriage, that's why it is talked about first.

Answer 8

I would not agree to a marriage that someone is so head strong she will not budge an inch, it's got to be close to a 50/50 agreement or nothing for me. You should be worried it could get much worse after marriage.
I was married for 30 years, he controlled the money, and kept us in debt for 30 years, I didn't know how bad things really were till he went in to the hospital 15 years ago, it all was dumped on my lap, what a mess. This is what happens when you do not know what is going on with the money, I thought I was in good hands, no far from it.

Answer 9

it extremely is the previous "preserving up with the Jones's" element. he's making an attempt to construct a bankroll and resents all and sundry tapping into it. Lay off the "it extremely is our money communicate" which will assure a combat. basically be appreciative of the finer issues you have and enable him be attentive to that. Spend a while with him, not make the husband spend time with the kin. pass on a bike holiday mutually-basically an hour or 2, have a picnic (low fee), have some exciting without spending $$$. do not make the form of great production approximately your pastime, you mustn't be competing for a paycheck. In time a much better place will come alongside. scent the roses! not the race song.

Answer 10

If it's bothering u that bad now, then yea it will get worse. I know I couldn't handle it but everyone is differnet. At my house I make about %75 of the money and I make all the major decisions, but I don't fret over it. You cant take it with u when u die so why get so flustered. Plus I see ur not married "yet" so why are u being told how to spend YOUR money, as long as the bills are paid and everything is taken care of your lady shouldn't be tellin u what to do with ur cash.