Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.
Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."
"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.
"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."
The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.
The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.
Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.
Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"
The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.
He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"
The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that ******* fence wasn't electrified
2007-09-06 03:47:42 · 19 answers · asked by jake5282 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Reading half way through I am tutting like a grumpy old woman should - finger hesitating over the old 'thumbs down/report' .............
Finished reading - glad I am alone because I ROARED with laughter like I havn't for years!!
Well done!
Grab a star!
2007-09-08 05:31:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK Counter joke. An old couple goes on a cruise. She forgets her hearing aid, but figures she can read lips and fake it. Being on a budget, they get the cheapest room, which has bunk beds. On the first night the old man says "Up or Down?"She grabs him , pull him onto the bed and loves him like they haven't done since the honeymoon. The same thing every night. When the get home, the old man decides that phrase worked so well he'll try it at home. She looks at him ,says "Is that what you've been saying?" and hits him over the head."You old SOB , all this time I thought you were saying F*** or drown!"
2007-09-06 04:45:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I like the one about the two pensioners on holiday in Blackpool who were musing about the possibility of Cricket being played in Heaven. One of them dies and several months later the other one is walking down a street in Balmouth when he see the ghost of his late friend walking towards him. "I have some good news and some bad news.", said the ghost. "The good news is that you were right. There is a Cricket pitch in heaven. The bad news is that you are scheduled as the bowler on Thursday".
2007-09-06 04:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by desertviking_00 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you
are willing to forgive your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down to the front and tell us all how a person can live ninety eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."
2007-09-06 06:28:12 · answer #4 · answered by isotope2007 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
LMAO, and to the other answer's and their jokes. What a hoot. I would give you all stars too, but can't so I gave you thumbs Up. Thank's made my day, I needed a laugh. Carry On.
2007-09-06 09:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by Moe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cute
2007-09-08 16:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by curious connie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
utilizing "particularly" ability I ought to supply a severe answer. I on no account positioned my head to pillow that i do no longer thank God that i be attentive to what it is decide for to have one below my head. I constantly spend slightly thinking of all the individuals interior the international who will on no account be attentive to that convenience. i think of of people who will on no account be attentive to a mattress or heat temperature or coolness while mandatory. i think of of people who're hungry. I harm for them.
2016-10-10 01:41:14 · answer #7 · answered by comerico 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jake: Funny stuff. Get one of
your kids to take a better
avatar pic of you. You're
better looking than that.
2007-09-06 17:07:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you win...I am dying laughing. Sickness still prevails at my old age...thanks for an upper..I needed that. And yes, this "violates Yahoo rules." So what...I needed that!
2007-09-06 07:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
What a hoot! I'm definitely going to share.
2007-09-06 04:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by felines 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋