Help me save my relationship!!! Hard financial times are destroying us and I don't know what else to do!!?

Question

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man & living together for close to a year. He had to have back surgery 5 months ago after an accident and his recovery has been long and painful. He did not receive disability from the state or his company so we suffered financially. He lost his car, so we have had to share my car. He is back to work now but they are coming down really hard on him. His son is a typical teenager who says he hates him & is threatening to run away & drop out of school. The rest of his family can't be bothered. Because of all this our relationship has suffered. We fight a lot and nasty things have been said both ways. He's miserable and nothing seems to bring him out of it. He ends up taking it out on me & I resent it. He feels like a failure and I don't know what to say or do anymore. I love this man very much & I know that things can get better if we survive this difficult time, but I'm afraid that if we continue like this we'll never get there! Help!!

Answer 1

This seems like one HUGE problem but it is a few big ones with side effects that make some of the other ones worse. My advice is to sit down with all that care (husband/boyfriend & son) and try to intellengly without judgment or emotion break out what are the root cause problems and which seem like problems but are actually side effects of these root cause problems. Also list out and agree on what has happened that no one is to blame or blame doesn't matter at this point and must be put behind you. Looking above here is what I see:

The first root cause problem is "the accident/work/money situation."

Accidents happen and are a part of life. Everyone should agree to be joyful that he survived and is working again. Understand that a lot of people have trouble going back to work after some down time.

He lost his car but you still have a vehicle and everyone should know that is 1000 times better than no vehicle whatsoever.

I'm not sure what work your hubby/bf does but it sounds like he needs to hang in there and the family should do everything they can to help him out. It doesn't have to be a lot. Hugs when he comes home. Here is the paper. How was work. Just a simple "Thanks for providing for us Dad" will go a long way. This will help him feel better and his motivation at work will step up and people will notice.

The attitude of the son is one of those root cause problems and is making things worse. This needs to be handled seperatly without taking into account the accident/job/money situtation. Check your library for some books by John Rosemond.

The "family relationship" might be a root cause problem or just a side effect of something else. Not enough detail here.

Let the family know that they are blood and they can help someway. Once again, they can help in ways that do not mean they have to give you money. Your husband/bf probably has too much pride for that anyway. But I'm sure you can think of some things that they would be willing to do that will improve some of these root cause problems and/or reduce some of the side effects.

The fighting and nasty words and being miserable are all side effects of the other stuff. I think you know that too. Even if everyone can agree and understand that then you should see that go away when you focus on the root cause problems.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

I have been in the same situation only my bf was making the wrong working decisions. It took one year and 3 months for things to change. I know what you are going through right now as far as the stress of having to pay for all of the bills and going through his mood swings because he's not being the provider right now. But you have to ask yourself this, was he there for you before this incident happened? Would he hold things down if the shoe was on the other foot? Do you really want to make things work? You also have to take in mind that he has a lot of stress going on right now and he don't know how to deal with everything at once. Maybe you are looking for what I was looking for, and that's some type of appreciation. Perhaps you can give him ideas on things that he can do besides what he is doing that seems to be causing more stress. And believe me he don't feel like a man with having you to hold things down for him. Try to be there for him even though the financial situation is tearing you apart. You guys will over come this and things will get better. than he will say after all this is over, Hey she was down for me when times were hard. And he will see that you are for him no matter what
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

Take him to the Lord. He needs the Lord at this particular time more than ever. And so do you. And so does that teenage son who you say is typical, but he is not typical. Typical is not hating your parents and he needs a relationship with his son to correct this. He has raised a rebellious child and that is not good. I assume you are the second wife and this is a problem to that child. Children want one father and one mother and no extras.

A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drys the bones. Proverbs 17:22 This man that you love has a broken spirit and only the Lord heals broken spirits. You can't do it and you have tried. His family cannot do it and they have not tried. A broken spirit is only healed by the Lord.

He may even be blaming God for all of this which is often the case. Three (3) things we must have in life and they are
1. Peace with God
2. Peace with ourself
3. Peace with others

I've said all of this in love and because you said that you love this man very much. If you do, then introduce him to the Lord.
Repenting of sins is a wonderful thing. It cleanses the entire being of a person. And only Jesus can do this for us.