How can I convince myself that I am taking steps in the "right" direction?

Question

Each day I wake up with doubts about my decision to keep my daughter here with me. She is 15 and lived with her father from age 10 to 15. She has started High School here with me in a different state and does not like it.

I feel bad because I could have gone back to my ex-husband, she would be happier and not complain so much. I have not lived up to anyone's expectations especially hers. She wanted me to take the steps to put the family back together.

I guess I have to remember my ex-husband's words saying the I am "inefficient, diseased (ambivalent) and and irresponsible mother." Then, I remember what a control freak he was and how bad my life would be.

He also keep telling me to close my bank account, empty out my storage and pack up everything and then come back. He says that his sister does not leave things in his parent's house and I should not also. I live in another state with my parents.

I wish that I could find a way to make things better for everyone.

Answer 1

your daughter needs to see what you went through and stop thinking of herself. which being a teen wont happen. your husband a big boy and needs to get on with his life. forget what he says,hes still trying to control you. within time your daughter will make friends and be happy there. soon she will get to drive and get a job and she will be different. just try to take it one day at a time and things will improve. tell your ex that you dont care what he thinks ,says or what anybody else does or doesnt do, that you are who you are and your living your life better without him in it.

Answer 2

The right steps sounds like what you're doing to me. You're picking up the pieces of your life and moving on. Yes it sucks that your daughter has to go to a new school and make new friends, that it.. its just sucks... It isn't the end of the world and give it a few days, she'll make new friends, have a boyfriend before you know it and then she wont want to move back. It is just hard right now since she is the new girl. All you can do to make things better is to support her, listen when she needs to talk and be there for her. You may also want to talk to her about you and your ex and try to put your feelings out there so she may get an idea of what is going on. Just keep an open mind and let her just be able to come talk to you about anything, no judgments... That all any teenage girl can ask for.

Answer 3

Self-doubt is such a destroyer of ones self and that is just what you are experiencing at this moment. I understand you feel bad about having your daughter re-adjust to new surroundings however, remember that at 15 (think back) they think they know all the answers. SHE WILL ADJUST- let her get the feelings out- tell her to talk it over with you instead of complaining as it will not accomplish or achieve anything. Re-read your last statement- it is NOT your responsibility to make things better for anyone other than your circumstances and your daughters. He says, he says is just that he says- its really none of his business about your bank account storage unit, what his sister does- its what you do that matters. Make your decisions based on your previous knowledge and move forward with your decisions.

Answer 4

You can't go back and change anything. You have to just love and respect them the best you can now. You say your daughter lived with her dad but now lives with you but ,hates it there. If thats true, let her go back to the dad.
If you can't go back to the dad, thats up to you. Just do waht you can for oyur daughter to show her you love her. You can't be everything for everybody and you're definitely not going to always make everybody happy. See her regularly and fix things that way. Just be there for them anyway you can, but realize you can't always fix the past.

Answer 5

just stop worrying about it eventualy she will get used to it and you wont remember this no more