What is my friend and her hubby up to?

Question

My friend whose been married for two years announced at my son's christening that she and her hubby were separating and showed me they weren't wearing their rings. They said they were going to stay friends but he was going to move in with his mates.

I then saw them at a friend's birthday last week, both wearing their wedding rings and I asked how things were, she seemed on edge, he looked like he had had a few to drink. She said they kept arguing over whether to separate or divorce. He had put in an offer for a 3 bedroomed house and he jokingly said that he was going to get a 23 year old student nurse to lodge with him. When we left the party (my hubby and I) he asked me for a kiss goodbye, I gave him a peck on the cheek and he asked me for a proper kiss and I said no as I was married. So what is going on. She is blonde, attractive and a real trophy for him and she has got a very good career. They are having problems having children. Could this be it.

Answer 1

More then likely. NOt being able to have children can really hurt a marriage.

Answer 2

You may think that he is lucky to have her that she is blonde, attractive, ...,.... blah blah, but he may not care a damn about that aspect. Thats not what keeps a marriage going. He or she have a certain need that is not being fulfilled by the other. They neither want to part nor be together and thats why they are on and off about it. This needs some serious counsellor to look deep into the crux of the problem. They may still want to be together and expect that the spouse will mysteriously change their behaviour. This is not going to happen and will need time and understanding.

You are a good friend I believe. Its best for you not to interfere but sure do take your friend to a counsellor. They should eventually go there as a couple. Even better than the counsellor is if they both can open their hearts and talk about what they really want from each other and how can they fulfill it. Not having a baby hurts but is should not be so bad and conditional that you kill your relationship. There are numerous ways like adopting a baby ..etc..etc. They will have to figure it out. If from the evaluation its very clear that they donot and cannot change their behaviour with each other then they will have to make an informed decision of parting ways.

God bless them .. with love ...and a child - hopefully.

Answer 3

Hi there, what a sad situation for your friend.By your description it would seem that this couple were the "golden couple" they had it all. If I were to hedge a bet here I would say that he cheated on his wife and they did split up. Why didn't she tell anyone, simple, hurt, humiliation and she didn't want anyones pity. They may have tried to get back togather and If there is a problem conceiving then she would feel like a failure again. The husbands behaviour by coming on to you is another rub in her face, her marriage is a failure, she can't produce a child and now she can't control her husband. Of course his behaviour could also be down to an affair - hers? You really don't know what is going on in other peoples lives but I would ask that you phone her or go for coffee and have normal chats with her, you should see from what is NOT being said that there are big problems, let her know that you are there if she needs you, I reckon she does need a friend but may be embarrassed by it all. Good Luck...

Answer 4

I would say that they are both confused about what it is they actually want. It sounds like they are finding it hard to cut the final ties and go thier separate ways. It's hard to remain just friends - me and my husband have tried doing it. When you go out it's always going to be awkward and someone may get jealous. If and when your friend is ready to talk about the situation, I am sure she will confide in you and you can offer the best advice you can. Until then, it's a shame, but you really need to let them resolve this between them. From experience I know that other people trying to get involved can sometimes cause more hurt and upset than just working it out between the two of them.

Answer 5

Just because she is blonde,attractive and a real trophy does not automatically mean that she will be in a happy marriage (for whatever reason). Marriages have to be worked at to survive. As for him asking you for a proper kiss, knowing you are married and with your husband, suggests to me that he is a bit of a flirt. No wonder their marriage seems a bit rocky. I would give them a bit of space to sort things out one way or another.

Answer 6

I think if your friend wanted you to know she would tell you. If you really feel the need to voice your concern then do it, as long as the reason you are doing it is through general concern and not just to "be in the know". All you can do is be there for your friend, maybe invite her out for a bottle of wine to let her hair down, she sounds like she needs it!!! and there is nothing better than a bottle or two of wine to help you open up

Answer 7

The not having children art could be playing a big part. But he also ounds like a bit of a sleaze, asking you for a 'proper' kiss seems a bit much

Answer 8

Very strange! it certainly sounds like a marital crisis, doesn't it? Perhaps the problem that you suggested is the answer, she cannot get pregnant. It sounds such a shame, doesn't it? You have a good day hon, and I hope that they work their way through it.

Answer 9

Unless they tell you, there is no way to know what is going on. It does look like it is going to be the end of the line shortly. Don't get entangled with that mes, you probably have enough problems of your own.

Answer 10

A man asking you for "a proper kiss" infront of your husband!! That's self-explanatory and answers your question.