This might be a long one...I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We dated for a year in highschool, and were both of our first relationships, we got back together after I graduated. I'm 21, he's 23. I love him, and I am ready to settle down with him. I've been putting it off for three years because he is still in "party mode" with his buddies. But now, I'm putting my foot down. I just want to move in together, and he doesn't want that. Our relationship is like a rollercoaster, when it's good it's great, when it's bad it's really bad.
I have known this other guy for years, and he's been asking to take me out lately. He is a very sweet guy, and would treat me like gold. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight last weekened and "broke up" but have been hanging out again and I guess you could say he is kind of making an effort. My 2 questions are, is it time to move on from him, and is it fair for me to go out with the other guy I know and not feel guilty about it?
2007-09-06 00:20:04 · 15 answers · asked by A L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I appreciate all of the advice from everyone. Just a bit of background information, the "other guy" has been like my best friend for 7+ years, and he knows the whole situation with me and my boyfriend. He's not trying to take me away...he just wants me to be treated right
2007-09-06 02:21:18 · update #1
I would say to dump the loser and go with the nice guy! If he isn't ready, you can't make him, no matter how hard you try. And of course, when he sees you moving on, he is going to act like he'll do things your way and change, BUT believe me, it's not going to happen until he is good and ready. The nice guy however, is apparently ready, and you may miss out on a really good thing if you let him slip through your fingers!
2007-09-06 00:27:50 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is to wrapped up in partying and his friends. Doesn't matter if he says he loves you. He isn't ready to settle down now and by the time he is ready you will be tired of waiting and putting your foot down, by the way, it will start to make you look like your always bi*ching. If your ready and he is not, he will keep doing things that aren't acceptable in the relationship you want and before long it will also turn into a bitter relationship. Move on and just see what this other guy is really like. If you are broke up then don't feel bad. Just don't jump in bed with him to soon. That might make you feel bad.
If you do this, your boyfriend will probably come running back saying he is ready to settle down, DON'T BELIEVE HIM and loose a good thing if you really like this other guy. I am speaking from exp. I was 24, stayed till last month. I am now 38 with 3 children, he finally changed a few years ago but it was just to late as a wall and anger and bitterness built up. Besides, even though the partying changed, the irresponsibility's didn't.
2007-09-06 07:40:31 · answer #2 · answered by tia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion after reading your post is that you're too young to have to "work on" a relationship that is quite obviously in the pits! Sure, if you've been married for a while and are having these problems, I think you should work them out. But if you're having such huge problems when you're only 21, not living together and certainly not married, GET OUT.
I was in a situation similar to yours for four years and by the time I was 22 I realized it just wasn't worthwhile. You'll spend your life fighting with someone and end up divorced or with one of you cheating, etc. It's not worth it. You WILL find someone better. Even if this other guy isn't the one (I wonder if you're attracted to the new guy because you're in a bad situation - been there!) you'll find someone perfect for you eventually.
I fought a lot with my ex for four years (same thing - the good times were great, the bad times were awful) and finally said I couldn't do it anymore. For the past 15 months I've been dating the most amazing guy. We *never* fight. Sure, we have disagreements and arguments, which are healthy, but even those are very far and few between.
Move on.
2007-09-06 07:34:18 · answer #3 · answered by tink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are 21 and you wanted to settle in a relationship already?
That's crazy it will be good when you are 26 but not at this age.
Is going bad already is going to be bad.
Move on try another people and who knows.
I know is painful because you are very use to him but if you don't do this know then that doth is always going to be there whit you. You are 21 live your life.
And in a future if you guys are supposed to be together you will.
But get your life let him party his animal inside.
2007-09-06 07:37:43 · answer #4 · answered by zingara76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After three years and no commitment.
I would be gone. My boyfriend of 2 years, have been living together for awhile. And that`s what he wanted, were already talking about marriage.
His party mode would worry me the most.
Is he faithful when he goes out.
You deserve better/
This other guy your talking about might be better for you.
I think you should move on.....
Good luck--I `m sure you`ll make the right choice/
2007-09-06 07:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by candy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is always fair to know yourself more.
Know if your attraction to a certain guy is merely physical or internal. Know the qualities you look for in a guy. Settle of course for the guy who is closer to your personality. You cant be with 2 guys forever. One has got to give.
Move on? Well, anytime is moving on time. You learn from every bit of mistakes and become smart and dynamic in the process.
2007-09-06 07:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dave S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be careful to be honest, this 'nice guy' isnt so nice if he is trying to get you to go out with him while you are in a long term relationship. If he is willing to do that then what else is he willing to do.
I think you should probably break up with your bf anyway as he sounds like a bit of a loser, but think twice about this new guy.
2007-09-06 08:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by regaloid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn that you do not and cannot control another person and force them to conform to your wishes. You communicate to that person what you want and either some compromise is reached or it isn't. If you eventually find too many of your needs are not met, you leave.
Sounds to me like you are making demands and setting ultimatums. Talk to him and find out what his life plans are and maybe y'all can reach a compromise. Right now it's all your way or the highway.
2007-09-06 07:28:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that in lieu of his recent refusal to move in together, you have been questioning the validity of the relationship. Tell him that you need a break to find out if this is what is really right for you.
2007-09-06 07:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
women are like so weak, i mean come on!
this guy wants to party instead of moving in and settling down with you, hes been doing it for three years, how long are you gonna wait, hes not the settle type, hes the to settle with DIFFERENT women like every weekend or something like that, move on!
2007-09-06 07:33:53 · answer #10 · answered by 9-pounds-lighter 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋