people helped so much yesterday, but the other thought I have seems really silly I know but for peace of mind i would apreciate your opinions, after the accident I attended apart from feelings of not doing enough, i also felt that what my husband and I did was incredibly stupid, the speed of the car going up scared me and in hind sight i felt that it was really stupid to put our lives at risk, we could have left our two children orphaned, i know we didn't and I am in no doubt what I would do it again but I was just wondering if this was a normal feeling, or am I just being a silly mum, it could just be that my worst fears were so close that day but I need honest answers to lay this ghost to rest once and for all. for those that have no idea what I am on about please refer to my last question.
2007-09-05 23:55:50 · 7 answers · asked by fruitcake 7 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
just to clarrify to anyone who is worrying about my mental state don't panic I'm fairly level headed, but before i can put this matter to rest i just needed some opinions on if these feelings are normal, forgetting this is not possible as i leave my house and see the car mark where it burnt everyday, but in some ways i feel that your opinions will help as we chose not to go to the papers so only a handful of people know about our involvment, your thoughts do matter and yesterday helped so much, I 'm not doing this for hero status just so I can get it all clear in my mind, so i can move on and lay my ghosts to rest. we were not hurt (apart from a few burns) but when you are asleep you can't control how your mind works.
2007-09-06 04:55:04 · update #1
In such a situation the mind evaluates dozens of possible risks and comes to a judgement unconsiously in a split second. That's how we act instinctively and apparently without thought.
Don't worry, you would not be aware of it but you unconciously weighed up the pros and cons before making your decision to 'go in'.
The guilt feelings you have now are due to you having the time to mull over the 'what ifs'.
You did the right thing. Its amazing how the mind can react under extreme pressure. I certainly hope you and your husband are around if ever I was in a similar situation.
2007-09-06 01:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether the final outcome was good or not so good for the individuals concerned makes no difference to the fact that you both heroically did the very best that you could - without thinking about the consequences. That's what the definition of a hero is!
Now that you have had time to think about it you are being rational and all the alternative outcomes are flooding your mind. You are very naturally concerned that your actions may not have been the best for your own children.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and the world would be perfect if we all had the benefit of it!
The people in the car would not have been there at that split second the accident happened and then you would not have been in the position of having to put your own lives at risk rescuing them.
DON'T allow these thoughts to linger. Be PROUD that you didn't freeze (which is the commonest reaction) and so you gave the people in the cars the best chance of survival that they could have hoped for.
It is a very natural reaction, but try not to worry about what may have been. It didn't happen.
Your children should be very proud of two extremely special people. If only there were more in the world like you.
2007-09-06 00:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by jaymac318 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
since non of our suggestions yesterday cannot make you to put the thought of guiliness away from your mind, well I don't know if any further suggested opinion may make the different because you as a person must be ready to put away that thoughts of stupidity and guiltiness of your action behind and move ahead. Afterall what has happened has come and gone you have to thank God that you and your husband is alive today to tell the story.
Have it in mind that every body have passed through one form of hard time or the other and many were not lucky enough to tell the story but here you are telling us the outside world your experience of that "evil day" and how God used your and your husband to save a soul.
To me you have a choice either to forget the event or to keep on remembering it and in doing that the ghost of that "evil day" will continue to appear and in no distance time you will be running ofter shadow and those that are not after you.
If you are a christain, try and be using the word of God to comfornt yourself whenever the urgly sight comes into your mind and you will see the great work of God in yiour life.
2007-09-06 23:06:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its human instinct to help in such extreme cases.
Well, either that or you cower away like a scared git.
I personally think you deserve a medal for what you and your husband have done.
I know the other two in the car sadly passwed away, but if it wern't for you's, the driver could have possibly been killed aswell.
I understand your guilt. Its only natural. You will feel that way for a long time to come. Anytime you hear of a car accident, memories will come flooding back about the woman and child.
Im sure the man in the wheelchair is deeply deeply devestated, but you and your husband will no doubt occupy a special place in the back of his mind.
You are a wonderful person.
Dont let this destroy you!!
You still have a life to lead, just think of your kids.
2007-09-06 00:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by spick&span 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am I think it's time you move on from all the possibilities that COULD have happened during this accident to which you were a bona fide hero. You did the right thing. There are a million things that *could* have happen but what happened and happened and you can't change the past or what will happen because of the past. You need to move on from this and think well of yourself, you're a hero for pete sake! I wish you well and hope you can learn to cope with this area in your life before you cause yourself some real mental problems.
2007-09-06 01:33:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your intentions are understandable, and you are more than entitled to assurance that you were heroic, even if you have trouble dealing with the recollections of the events you described, you can be assured that your actions were perfect. You couldn't have done anything more that you did, nor could it have been done better. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. And, in this forum, you are able to tell what you feel, anonymously, and get feedback in the same fashion. And with that anonymity, there is the comfort of truth, and openness, and you will get positive feedback from this community. Again, I applaud you and your husband for caring for others, and risking your lives to save others. G-d bless you both!
2007-09-06 13:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are going through a perfectly normal guilt process. It will fade with time but I'm sure you will be more careful, and insist on your husband being more careful, in future.
2007-09-06 00:09:11 · answer #7 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋