I'm just scared! (almost 8wks preg) My boyfriend of 5 yrs doesn't want it, I'm sick, tired and uncomfortable. I know the cute baby thing will be nice, but what about when it becomes a back talking teenager? I'm poor...I just got a perfect job, but I will still be poor. I don't want to lose this job. My duplex is not fit for a baby. People keep telling me its my decision, but I'm running out of time and I have no idea what I want. These feelings make me think I'm gonna be a hateful, spiteful, maybe even abusive mom. I'm not ready to be a mom...I'm tired of crying...I know some of y'all might be against abortion, but I need to know if I should.
Adoption is not an option. I'm 24 and have had a D&C in the past due to miscarriage. BTW - don't say we should have thought of that before...we actually planned this, I think we made a big mistake, I know my boyfriend does. Mature answers please....should I have this baby? (embryo right now)
2007-09-05 22:59:40 · 24 answers · asked by Ashes 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
BTW - You people who are against abortion because of religion, don't even answer. and....ITS NOT A BABY, ITS AN EMBRYO RIGHT NOW!
2007-09-05 23:05:13 · update #1
I don't want y'all to tell me to "do what I'm going to" I want y'all to tell me why a baby is a good thing. I didn't mention I helped him raise his 19yr old daughter since she was 14. It was hard and she was a brat. Why should I go through that again?
2007-09-05 23:12:53 · update #2
Wow, sounds like you have a real dilemma on your hands! You helped raise his daughter, and it doesn't seem like you're too interested in raising another teenager. you may decide to keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend, is that an option? The reason I say this is because you mentioned that you two had planned this, and if he isn't willing to support you through it, you may need to bear that in mind.
Yes, teens are very difficult, but you won't have to worry about that for quite some time to come, and you will have matured considerably by then too, not to mention that you will have had a lot of years bonding with the child. It's a lot different when the baby is your own, and you've had it from birth.
I'm not sure you would have this much difficulty trying to make a decision if you really wanted to abort the baby. It doesn't sound like you had such a good experience helping him raise his teen, and that's what I'm hearing you dread more than anything. If you are truly afraid you will mistreat the child, some parenting classes might help.
There are many options before you, and it's good that you posted this question because you will get a good chance to look at it from many different viewpoints, and it isn't an easy decision for anyone to make.
If you would like to email me and talk more, please feel free to do so. Please don't do anything until you know for sure it's your decision and not someone elses. I hope that helps Good Luck
2007-09-05 23:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 19 years old and my little girl is almost a year. My boyfriend and I didn't plan on having a child this soon. Like your boyfriend, he wasn't sure in the beginning, but towards the end he was extatic and is now an amazing father. As for the duplex, for the first year or so, you aren't going to need a huge house. It's probably best if you didn't. You are most likely not going to be a hateful spiteful parent!! Your just scared and thats okay. You also have your hormones doing crazy things right now. Things will get better. If you still don't think that you are ready for the baby when it is born, and it is healthy, I don't see why you couldn't give it up for adoption. I don't believe in abortion for the simple fact that even tho it is an embryo, it is still a living thing. And you should give your child the chance to have a good life. I hope that I have helped. If you need to talk about anything else please free feel to e-mail me.
2007-09-05 23:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your explanation of a previous miscarraige does not explain why adoption is not an option.
That being said...you should talk to someone in your family, or maybe find a group of other expecting mothers in your area. Right now you are scared and feel alone. Your hormones are flucuating, and you feel different from day to day, correct.
Being poor is not an excuse not to have a baby. You can't lose your job because you are pregnant or have a baby....it's federal law. There are state and federal programs to help you if you need food, clothing, or shelter...not to mention community based programs like The Salvation Army and Church groups. It's not a crime to take help when you need it, and in my opinion it makes you a better parent.
Living in a duplex is not an excuse not to have a baby. We lived in a 700 ft shack that was falling down around us until my daughter was 3 years old...and a lot of people have it worse.
You said you planned this, although probably without too much thought or preparation. What has changed in the last 8 weeks? Just your emotions? Guess what...you can't live your life based on emotions. If we all ran around doing that, we'd all be leaving our spouses and children, quitting our jobs every time we had a bad day.
You have to live with the decsions you make in this life. If you plan to have an abortion, make sure your willing to live with the consequences of those actions as well. There could be emotional ramifications that you'll never be able to deal with.
2007-09-05 23:31:30 · answer #3 · answered by ninn09262 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe for one second you should try not be so self absorbed and think of all those women out there who can't have children and who are having miscarriages right this minute and wondering "Why me?". So many people would love to be pregnant and consider it a blessing.
I got pregnant at seventeen, it was unplanned and I never even considered abortion. I didn't have a job, a house. I had nothing. So you are doing pretty well on that front.
Adoption is an option. There are people who would love your baby so much, it would mean the world to them. You should think about it.
If you have an abortion, I can guarantee you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will be thinking, "Today's my due date, I should be a mommy today", "My baby should be one today etc". The shoulda, coulda, woulda's are not nice.
I think you are highly immature that after planning a baby you now decide that you don't want it. It's really stupid and I'm so glad that I was nothing like this, even at seven years younger than you.
It's your baby so go ahead and do whatever you want. There's no point asking all us internet strangers because at the end of the day, you're the one who'll have to live with your decision.
I am sorry if this is harsh but as you well know, this is a difficult subject to answer on.
Good luck. I hope that whatever you go for makes you happy.
2007-09-05 23:25:37 · answer #4 · answered by rip_it_upx 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all i think your boyfriend should grow up because you both made this decision and second you should think about all the women out there like me for instance who have been trying for over 18 months and have to take fertility drugs to get pregnant, have sex on the right days, cry constantly because you think your a reject and constantly argue with your partner because you both want something so bad but cant have it.I know its a hard decision for you but you better seriously think twice because when you are my age 27 and want to have kids and cant because you had an abortion you really are going to regret it. My friend who is 26 and had an abortion at the age of 18 has been trying to get pregnant now for 4 years and cannot due to the abortion, so honestly im telling you that keeping that baby will eventually be the best thing you ever did even though you may struggle at first, but you will get over that and maybe become the best mum ever aswell!!
2007-09-06 02:12:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie whether you planned this or not, you still should have thought of the consequences, especially since you have already had a miscarriage. Having sex is a big responsibility and with responsibility goes consequences, both emotionally and financially, especially if something goes "wrong". There are rewards as well, the infant you are carrying is one of them.
I will tell you I am opposed to abortion. It is wrong on so many levels. Not just because of the religious implications but also because of medical reasons. First of all if the Abortion is botched you could remain pregnant or you could hemorrhage which would result in you having to have a hysterectomy and being unable to have children when you want them. Second women who have had abortions, have an increased chance of having uterine cancer than those who have not. That is just a few of the medical reasons not to have an abortion.
But the real thing that bothers me is you planned this now your BF doesn't want the baby. Honey that tells me he really doesn't care for you or that he is not committed to you. and all he wants is to have sex with no strings attached. If he was committed to you he would stand by you and help you.
Honey runaway from this relationship it will only hurt you in the end.
2007-09-06 01:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by mikeae 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, it is your choice... Babies are an amazing creation. You will feel differently once it grows inside you and you feel it move. I know your fears, i got pregnant with my first son at 18 and i was scared to death. We weren't poor but obviously not rich, my son is almost 8 now and he is amazing. Whatever you choose, you need to decide soon because most places wont do an abortion after so many weeks. Also, its a decision that will affect you emotionally for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best.. If you want to talk further you can email me. Im realistic while most people are not. Good luck..
2007-09-06 02:03:11 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what to really say to you except to tell you i've been there. i was getting out of the army on my ets date. about a year out i found out i was having a baby. i was in my late 20's . i was scared. i thought of abortion, adoption, and everything. about 6months into the whole thing i really wanted the baby. i got out on the ets date with no job in site. no place to live but the apartment i was renting. no family would help and the father of the baby had headed for higher ground......disappeared. i have no regreats for having and keeping my child. she is almost 15. i make 70,000 a year. own my own house and my car is a good paid in full car. becouse of my struggles i live cheeply but well. you can do it. i never gave up i always found strenght in the Lord. even when i didnt have any money for kotex and had to use a baby diaper for a kotex. (i bought diapers by the case back then) you can do it if you want to and are will to make the scrafices. i did it in a studio apartement then a one bed hud apartement then a ghetto 2bedrm apartment. i now live in a 3bedroom home in a township school district. you can do it only if you want to.
Edit: yes, teen time is tough. i have to laugh at mine now and then becouse she is just like i was. and that is the only reason i feel you can handle the teenage years better this time around. its your child and it will be so much like you that you wont be able not to love it even when its bratty. my teenager is my world. i cant imang life without her. it would be a lonely place indeed. i love her that much.
2007-09-05 23:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Ida 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You obviously knew what you were getting into. You said his daughter was a brat, you knew teenagers could be awful. So don't the rest of us pregnant women, it does not mean that we will love them any less. You love your kids regardless. If you felt this way, then why did you even try for a baby? It really is your choice. Are you going to be able to take care of this child? What about adoption? There are responsible loving people who want children. My advice is whatever path you choose, choose wisely and make sure it is what you really want. If you choose not to keep it, then I would recommend birth control so it does not happen again. BTW- my baby is still an EMBRYO and I still LOVE it no matter what it is termed and no matter what happens.
2007-09-06 03:21:36 · answer #9 · answered by princess m 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well from the tone of your message, it really doesnt seem that you should have a baby. You're not fit to raise one.
On one hand you say you're poor, on the other you say your Duplex is not fit for a baby. If you are really poor and just landed the perfect job then why would you plan to get pregnant? Your bf doens't want it after planning it. You're asking people on the internet to decide the fate of your unborn child.
Both of you would be terrible parents and you would be doing your "embryo" a favour by terminating it right now.
2007-09-05 23:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋