I am devastated and torn. How can I keep this from happening again? How could I have thought he was so wonderful when it was not even me he really wanted to be with? I truly thought he was happy with me, he said it and he acted like it. He spoke of how this ex had done him wrong a few times and we talked about what we wanted different in terms of our relationship. Things were great so I thought and I got my heart broken. He is happy having her and could care less. This is what makes people feel they are not good enough.
2007-09-05 18:07:17 · 15 answers · asked by Callie B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You were just caught up in a bad situation. He had obviously never resolved his feelings for this girl. It is hoorible, but it happens often to both men and women.
2007-09-05 18:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sympathise with you. And I say so because I have personal experience with your situation but without going into the details of them. Essentially, you have in a situation where the man i never honest with himself and since he cannot be honset with himself, he cannot be so with you as well. A man must live within his limitations. He thought it was the end of his former relationship and when it comes to the crunch, he is still attached to it. In a sense you and I will have to understand that - the first is always the best. Just think of the things you have had, is it not true that many a time, you think back and thought that the former was the better. Like a film you watch, the sequel is never as good as the earlier movie. I am not saying that relationship is to view like movies - but the principle is the same. People look for and expect more and more. So it was with your situation - he has an ex - previous relationship which he probably had been for years (you did not tell us how long it was) - he got use to it and for whatever reasons, he left that relationship - now he was with you - he will compare you and his ex and therefore the ex has set a standard. Everytime you fall below that standard or expectation, you will suffer. And at the end of it all, you pay for it. My view is this - if you should go for someone with a previous history or with an ex - do be more careful - do not commit yourself as if that is the only investment you have. Now do not take me wrong - I am not saying that you have to be untruthful or simply play around - rather do not give your heart away - hold some part of it back for your own - get over it and go on but be the wiser. Humans as they are - they cannot be trusted and I will not for the life f me turst another completely - take care - Having been left behind doe snot in any way make you less worthy. In fact, I simply look at it this way - he does not deserve your love.
2007-09-05 18:21:08 · answer #2 · answered by Huang W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been on the opposite side of your situation and what you need to know is this has nothing to do with you, nothing wrong with you!!! I split up with my boyfriend and found a perfect man...he was so good to me and I did care for him but it still didnt compare to the feeling I had for my ex (we were together 10 yrs) I tried so hard to get over my ex and wanted so badly to fall in love with this perfect guy but I just could not get past the strong feelings for my ex. I eventually left that perfect guy and went back to my ex, inside I knew that I was making a huge mistake letting the guy go but it was really the most unselfish thing I could have done since I still had feelings for my ex. Try not to think that this happened cause you were not good enough etc. Thats not true! Sometimes our feelings for someone that we spend alot of time with overrides what we know is right or the best for us..... this is probably true in your case with him
2007-09-05 18:21:43 · answer #3 · answered by JJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are already on your way to healing.
You have the good sense to see that his actions are wrong and it's not you that caused him to leave.
Have you ever seen a married man try to pick up a single girl. They always complain about the wife, that she doesn't do this and that and doesn't understand him or she changed after we got married.
Well those are all lines hoping that the grass is greener on the other side.
When they find out it's not, back they go with their tails tucked between their legs.
And no girls, I am not being nasty, its a cliche.
Love hurts especially when its one sided and I know you are wondering what you did wrong.
Well ya did nothing wrong. He should not have ever used you like he did and its he who has the problem.
You will heal and it will teach you what to look for in the future.
Good luck
2007-09-05 18:20:42 · answer #4 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know this is not your fault. He's had problems with her in the past and I assure you, he will have problems with her again. People can be really cruel in this world and break our hearts, but it's up to us to repair ourselves. Do the best you can to keep busy, I know it's hard, I've been there in the same situation. Go out with your friends, take an art class or an exercise class. You didn't deserve what he did to you, no explanation nothing, he obviously didn't care about your feelings. He is so not worth your time and effort anymore. There are good guys out there, hard to find, but worth the wait. I'm still looking and I hope you find that special someone too.
2007-09-05 18:16:43 · answer #5 · answered by Martini Babee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so very sorry that you have to go through this!!! You should be able to love & leave your heart unprotected and not have to worry about someone tramping around on it. If he gave no indication whatsoever, there is nothing that you could've done--and there's nothing that you can do to prevent it in the future. People are weird--finicky, and can make snap decisions without once thinking about how it might affect other people.
Take time, heal and then move on--try not to second guess yourself. You didn't do anything--it was his decision to go back to this ex of his that hurt him. That's his bad, and he's losing you in the process. You deserve better than that. It will be hard to trust someone again--take it slow.
Good luck!!!
2007-09-05 18:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by Froggy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely sympathize with you.
I know it probably doesn't help to know that you're not alone.
I'm sorry you had to go through this.
The thing I most wanted to hear when something similar happened to me "Man, that sucks so bad." "That's NOT FAIR!" "I can't believe this happened to you."
Which is what NO One said to me. They all gave me the sugar coated comments like "He must've not been the one for you."
"The right one will come along." etc...
The sad thing is, you can't stop it from happening again.
He took you by surprise, you can't plan for these types of things.
For awhile after it happened to me, I thought..I will control the situation. I will keep this from happening to me ever again.
I realized that the only way to keep that kind of heart break from happening again, would be to completely stop dating. To never open myself up to loving or being loved again.
It seemed devestating in itself.
I don't know why he went back to his previous relationship, only he knows the real reason behind that.
Granted, that doesn't make it any easier for you.
You are good enough. You may not be able to see it right now, but you are!!!
And you know what? It does suck. It's sucks so bad, and I'm sorry you are having to experience this.
2007-09-05 18:32:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sumie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happened to me too and like the other poster, I too feel your pain. But when I ran the movie of the relationship in my head, there were red flags and warning signs, some of them subtle. I suggest running the movie of your relationship in your head. I would be surprised if there were no red flags or warning signs.
P.S. It's now 5 years after I was heartbroken by the guy who left me for his ex, and I'm engaged to a wonderful guy, and happier than I ever was with the first. You will get over this.
2007-09-05 18:21:18 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to here that but it seems you relationship was only based on love but had no commitment. Whenever you meet a man or you begin a relationship, don't rush to show a man how desperate you are. Keep yourself some space and let the man make his moves. If you keep on making moves and he know what is like to be in a relationship, he woild only use for sex and he get satisfied as long as you continue to give him some. Self assessment if more important. Was he not enjoying being intimate with you? Were you bagging him allot that you got into his nerves? How were you keeping up with yourself? Were you doing your responsibilities as a wife to be and never please him? One thing you ought to learn is that never please a man even if he is your husband, only God and everything would fall in place
2007-09-05 18:20:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
im sorry for what you are going throught. but it sound like
he was not ready to move on, but dont be so hard on your
self, somtimes that what happen when you are in a situation
when the person still has feeling for someone else.he should
have been honest with you with how he feel.but commuication
is a key to really finding out. i mean really talking to each other
not at each other.. but you know now that you can go on
and trust me , you will find that special someone. it just
take time, but it get better. good luck.
2007-09-05 19:07:11 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋