I have been dating (FWB) a man for five months that is going thru a divorce. He had his big meeting today and got everything settled on dividing the money and custody. They have court mid Sept.
My question is: how long do I wait before I can expect for him to have a relationship/commitment with me?
He had been so overwhelmed by the divorce, money, kids, etc... it kind of consumed him. I could tell in his voice today - JOY! And I was the first one he called after he walked outt he doors. So I can be patient... but I don't want to wait around for a year for him to decide. Just not me...
Help me out here...
2007-09-05 17:40:26 · 13 answers · asked by Mitch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you think a divorce is something very easy to get over, this is a wake up call. A divorce can be as traumatic as a death in your family. Actually, is a death. It means the end of a family, a marriage, dreams, goals, you name it. He called you 'cause he needed support, as anyone could have it done in a crisis. If you aren't willing to wait for as long as he needs, then walk away. At this moment, he's not ready to get into another relationship. It takes time, could be months, could be years. It depends on the person's feelings and ability to move on.Like a surgery, a wound takes time to heal and there's no way to rush healing time. Think about it.
2007-09-05 18:00:36 · answer #1 · answered by wrkgmom 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have been divorced for almost 6 years. It really took me 3 years to get over it, or, so I thought. I realized that now, almost 6 years later, I am still affected by it in some ways. I just came out of a 3 year relationship with a woman I loved very much but, I still had alot of issues from my previous marriage that I let scare me and effect how I did things. I let those issues control me to the point I hurt her emotionally and lost her trust. You need to give him time.. I was there too in your situation where I had a woman that was a so called friends with benefits. It was totally her idea, becasue honestly I had no intentions of wanting to be with anyone. I was hurt and very vulnerable and did accept her company and the attention she gave me but I guess she thought that her giving me all the sex I could stand would make me fall in love with her. She was there for me, as I was going through my divorce and made me feel better. She did things for me and gave me all the attention I was craving and starving for becasue I was hurt and needed someone. She started talking marriage to me and I realized I didn't even really like her ,other than she took my mind off of my ex wife and all that I was going through. He may rush to you now becasue he feels comforted by your attention but you should be careful. It doesn't really mean he loves you or wants to marry you. When we are going through something as traumatic as losing someone we loved that much, we fall into the rebound trap and think we're in love, until things cool down. Then we re-evaluate and the other person usually gets hurt becasue they may have really cared for that person and don't understand that the feeling isn't the same anymore. The FWB situation never has the desired effect. Women think that will make the man want them more and it rarely does. It just makes them want there sexual attention, then they move on when she starts wanting a commitment.
2007-09-06 01:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He should wait at LEAST a year before committing to any new relationship. Divorce takes it toll on a person and he needs time to regroup and redevelop a relationship with himself first. If you are thinking of rushing him through the process you are most likely going to end up disappointed with the relationship in the end. If you are the first woman he has been involved with since his divorce then you are most likely the "transitional woman" anyway. Transitional women don't usually last. They are just a stepping stone to his new single life. Sorry, but that is just the reality of the situation.
2007-09-06 00:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely rushing before you put all option on the table. You don't even know what might have been the reason why that man is divorcing although he is dating you, perhaps you are a dumping a place for him to cool down with whenever he wants sex. Infact you if you want him, put all the option on the table, give him space for him to heal. Know what caused his marriage fail for you not to fall into the same trap again. Remember, when dating, things are different from being commited or married.
2007-09-06 01:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He needs at least a year to breathe and another one to get through it. Then during the third year, he is ready to start a new relationship again. Really. If you jump in before then, you will likely be the doormat.
In the meantime, enjoy and have fun - but, don't put pressure on him because he needs to be mentally stable for you to have a bright future. If it is meant to be, it will.
If you decide to wait and stay with him, save this answer for three more years and you will see what I mean...
2007-09-06 00:46:44 · answer #5 · answered by LaraLara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already made a mistake here. He should have been 100% divorced with down time before you got involved with him. He needs to get into a routine with his kid or kids. You do know his kids will not be happy with you. You don't want to wait around for a year?? What is your hurry? Find a guy that has never been married no kids...
2007-09-06 01:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you don't want to pressure the man. He did just get out of the most committed relationship you can have. Do you know if he is even ready to make steps towards that again? Have you talked about what effects that could have on his kids?
2007-09-06 00:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do the poor guy a favor and end it now. As everyone has told you, he needs time to heal and get over the divorce. If you can't be there for him and wait till he is ready for another relationship, tell him goodbye now.
2007-09-06 07:47:20 · answer #8 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are FWB...what makes you think he's going to want anything else? He gets his cake & gets to eat it too. If he truly is into you & wants a relationship with you--it could happen tomorrow or it could happen in two years. It totally depends on when he's ready. C'mon, girl..he just got out of a marriage--obviously one that didn't turn out so well. Don't expect him to jump right into another relationship.
2007-09-06 00:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by Froggy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your young immature and impatient and you dont give a s*** about this guy if you have to put a limit and say it like that, you are inconsiderate broad, the ink hasnt dried on the divorce and you want a commitment ?hey genius you want to be a rebound chic? no you dont so, if you care about him and yourself give him time, and dont set yourself or him for another breakup or heartache -
2007-09-06 01:14:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋