Hey people, My boyfriend of 6 months and I have been doing great, but we see each other just on weekend, which isn't bad, the weeks go by fast for us. He use to go out partying/dancing at bars in his town and we met and he hasn't been doing much of that, since he was working so much this summer. One of his friends who he partied with a lot before, is moving to the same town, same apartment building. Now I'm just worried his friend will want him to go out to bars on week nights when I'm not there. They use to go to college type bars and go dancing and drinking with girls before, I'm just sick to my stomach even thinking about my bf starting this up... I don't know what to do:( He knows I don't like him doing that, but I don't tell him he can't, i'm not controlling or nething, I'd just rather he not..It just makes me so nervous.. any opinions? Please nothing rude, I'm just pretty nervous about this situation...thanks!
2007-09-05 17:38:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Calm Down. I would suggest you tell him how this makes you feel. And ask him how he feels about you.
My guy going off and doing that would make me worry that he was cheating on me. If he is going to a club and getting drunk, you do strange things (and people) when your drunk.
So you have every right to worry.
But you should talk to him, and if he gets upset and gets angry with you, then you need to deal with the fact that he might not be the one for you.
If he needs another person to make him happy, or needs to go out and be drunk with his freinds all the time, then maybe thats not what you need.
But dont freak out just yet. Talk to him first ans see what he says.
2007-09-05 17:44:03 · answer #1 · answered by Megan 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Have you tried talking with him about these fears? I see my boyfriend mainly on weekends because of our distance. I know he goes out a lot with his friends but we have a very open and honest communication. We talk every night when he gets home or I get home, we share our days, we respect each other and trust each other.
Your nervousness and fears sound like more of a trust issue. Has he ever done anything for you not to trust him? If not, then express your concerns and see how he responds. Hopefully, he will respect them and you two can find a good compromise. If he's not willing to listen to your concerns or even acknowledge the possibility of what if, then maybe you need to address the relationship as a whole.
But just remember, nothing has changed yet. Don't jump to conclusions, assume or any of that. If he has changed over the summer maybe it's a change in lifestyle rather than just a temporary change. At a certain point in life people get sick of the bar scene and are ready for a little bit more downtime.
I hope this helps and I wish you luck!
2007-09-06 00:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by stratus_girl_04 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Umm, well o.k, I know what you mean about being nervous and all. Your boy is gonna do what he wants and like you said you have told him that you don't like it but you don't want to come accross as controlling, just tell him how you feel about the situation and that you trust him not to do anything that will jeperdise your relationship, if he has any respect and love for you then he won't cheat, I guess that's what is worrying you more than anything. How about you start suggesting you guys go for dinner, coffee, movies during the wk, so that minimises the time he spends with his buddy, maybe you could help the friend find a GF you will come across as caring but in reality what your doing is trying to keep him busy so you have more time with your man while the friend spends time with his new GF. Gota be smart about it and don't let up as to what your up to. when the friend has a GF then all of you can hang out during the wk going to dinner etc.....and then when the wknd rolls over you spend quality time with your man alone and his friend will be with his GF.Good luck
2007-09-06 00:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if your relationship is sincere you shouldn't have too much of a problem. Getting drunk makes some of the best of us pieces of ****,like a split personalty.
Unless it's acceptable in the relationship u 2 have.
It comes down to the both of you,without acting jealous or crazy an scaring him away talk to him. Communication is very important in a relationship u should be able to talk to him about it let him know how much it would hurt you.
Also the best foundation for any relationship is a friendship.
If he did do it ,would he truely feel bad about it or just tell you he does? If he truely loves you then don't worry but remeber we all make mistakes.
2007-09-06 00:47:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would first start by sitting yourself down and working out why it is that you do not want him spending time with his friend? Is there an underlying reason for you not to trust him? if there is.... then it is really time to sit and think if this relationship is worth anymore work. If there is no reason for you not to trust him, then you need to remove the negative energy surrounding you, and get past the jealousy. I'm going through a similar situation except my boyfriend is grabbing every girls number from work that he can get his hands on. Do not mistrust till you have a good standing reason to.
2007-09-06 00:45:16 · answer #5 · answered by ohiomandi26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man has to possess the qualities of maturity, good morals, ethics, and good judgement. As long as that is inbred in him, he should be fine.
You want to know the truth of what kind of a man you have chosen to become involved with for the last 6 months. Now you are about to find out.
You can't be his mother, but you are allowed to care and have these feelings. And if he loves you and respects your feelings, he will consider them. If he chooses to party with his friends on a regular basis, he's too young to committ to anyone. Better you find that out now, as painful as it may be.
I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
2007-09-06 00:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only and best thing to do about it is simply to calmly speak with him about it. Not speak to, but speak with. Discuss the matter, with both of you giving your input and listening to the other. If he does choose to sometimes go out with his friend after the two of you have talked, then he'll at least have that talk to draw upon and it might curb him from doing anything reckless or carrying on as he did before.
2007-09-06 00:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He just needs to put on his man pants and tell his friend he doesn't want to go out to the bars..since his priorities are different now. If this guy is a good friend he will understand and do his best to include you in some of their plans. We all know they will still do things alone. Just trust in your man and his love..Im sure things will be fine.
2007-09-06 00:43:46 · answer #8 · answered by Perennial Queen 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's only natural that you are nervous about the situation. You are afraid of your relationship being put in jeopardy. Unfortunately all you can do is let him know how much you care about him and then trust him. I hope things go well for you.
2007-09-06 00:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust is what makes or breaks the relationship. You can not trust and worry, or you can trust and have peace of mind. Jeaousy breaks up many a relationship. A marrage is based on trust. If you do not trust your partner, do not go the extra mile. If he breaks your trust, he is not worth you. Be trusting! Be strong. Jeaousy is just evil.
2007-09-06 00:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by Brewski 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋