Dad's cheating on mom.. please help mehttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/;_ylt=AssYgHLTliAtGZJLmNwtysHpy6IX?lin

Question

My mom's been talking to me this week about all the stuff she found on my dad cheating on her. He is 60 and she is 58. The cheating has clearly been with another woman for over 5-6 years and continuous lies. My mom told me today she confronted him and he basically still denies it. But he begged and pleaded with my mom on hands and knees asking her for another chance - I love you's etc... He travels all the time and flies this woman to meet him on business trips, texts her, is out all weekend when he's home and so on. He then went online to "cover his tracks"by telling the woman that my mom knows about them so to keep "lying"and making sure no more access goes to my mom for phone bills. My mom has suspected it for some time.

I feel so helpless. I feel sick to my stomach about all of this because I live at home with this so I am seeing this with my own eyes. My mom is clearly deeply hurt just trying to maintain "the peace". A sick poor excuse for a husband -but a good dad.

Answer 1

I am not sure what your question is. if you are looking for support you have it all the way. i am in a similar situation i am 25, recently married 2 years ago we found out my dad was cheating on my mom, actually i caught him and didnt tell my mom coz i couldnt bear hurting her. he finally came out several months later. i still blame myself but i did what i thought was right. now he has a child with that bimbo and still married to my mom and doesnt want to leave. its a mess, my mom is and was a huge mess, she lost a tonn of weight and it an emotional wreck. i blamed myself for a long time, i am a problem solver in the family and for a long time tried to do just that. Recently i realized you cant help people becaus eyou are not them. they have to go thorugh it, they have to find their strength and decide what the right thing to do is. all you can do is support her, tell her it will be ok and tell her that no matter what she decides to do you will support her and understand her. and listen to her when she wants to talk. thats all you can do. trust me i have been in this boat for 2 years now, it gets easier but every day is a strugle. good luck to you and i hope it will get easier.

Answer 2

I went through the same thing with my parents, except it was my mom instead of my dad. So I feel your pain. Also my mom was not a very good mother. I think the best thing would be for your parents to get divorced, your Mom deserves a chance at happiness and true love. Your just have to be there for your Mom, but be honest with her too. Tell her how you really feel about the situation. It won't be an easy time, but the end result will benefit both parents and you. As long as your parents are happy won't you be happy too? Some people are just not meant to be together, but they stay in the marriage because they are afraid to be alone. Tell your mom that she will be ok, and that life can go on after a divorce.

Answer 3

I feel very sorry that you have to see this, hear this and to know that the parents that loved you are going thru something like this.
My heart goes out to you.

Your father will probably never come clean with it. That's a part of his insecurity.
I know you want your parents to get back together but in the long run, it's better that they don't. If he can not come clean to his own wife, he's not coming clean to himself or anyone else. In his mind, what he did was nothing wrong !

He fails to notice that this behaviour not only jeopardizes his, but his wife's, his childrens, his social and public life and this other womans.

Be with your mom through-out all of this. She will need someone to be strong for her. Let her talk with you , discuss things, let her vent.

And lastly, Get a good divorce lawyer if this is the way she wants to go.

I do hope that all works out for the better for your mom and yourself.
Don't give up hope but don't think that this is your fault in anyway.

Answer 4

well the best thing I could tell you is just ask your dad whats going on. because I know how it feels to have your parent divorce. it really sucks and I hate that other people have to go through it to. but when you get a chance just aks your dad why the web site was there. he might get a little mad but I found out if you ever confront a parent and they get mad is because you are right and or they are hiding something. and even if he does get mad he will always love you! am so sorry to hear that,it must be hard on u,do u think u can ask ur dad if its true?just tell him how scared u are,dint worry too much about his feeling,he is an adult and he can deal with it,what concern me is u only,Divorce is very hard on the kids,but u need to let ur feelings out or it will stay with u forever.he might be cheating and ur mum knows about it that's why there getting divorce.he cheated on all of u not just ur mum ,he is taking Alto of thing from u,and he should know that,dint try and come on itself to make him happy,he needs to know that what he did will never be ok with u,am sorry again that u have to deal with this,Good luck and god bless u. I wouldn't tell my mom, but I would let my dad know that I KNOW he's cheating on her. I would tell him how disappointed I was and that I would leave it up to him whether he continued with it or confessed.

Answer 5

Plz maintain status quo, let ur mom take the decision. If she wants peace, let it be. Its true that u r deeply hurt n feel betrayed as a son but investing so many years in a relationship, no use calling it quits, it emotionally scars u for life. Just be her rock solid support, encourage her to take up freelancing or giving a helping hand in neighbourhood school to regain herself.

Answer 6

I understand that your mother is hurt, but it is morally reprehensible to rob you of your childhood by revealing the intimate details of their failing marriage to you. She needs to grow up herself, realize that filling you in on the grim details of your father's affair is not healthy, and get some friends or a psychologist to talk to.

I encourage you to also see a psychological/psychiatric professional regarding any feelings that you may have regarding this issue that you don't feel comfortable revealing to your mother, other family members, or friends. You may also want to ask your mom to spare you some of the more intimate details of the affair if you find them disturbing.

I also implore you to not allow your mother to drive a wedge between you and your father because, as you said, he is a good dad. Ideally, you should be able to and deserve a relationship with both of your parents; keep that in perspective.

Answer 7

Just stay out of it and try not to choose sides. I can't imagine being in a situation like that. I think you should just be a good listening ear to your mom and let them work this out. The last thing you want is to get caught in the middle and hurt your relationship with either one of them.

Answer 8

You might want to drag your parents to family therapy. As their child, you should still be their first priority. On the other hand, if you are old enough to be truly considered "adult" then just back away from the situation...your mother should have never involved you anyway. I do understand however, that no matter how old the child, parental conflicts definately affect the children.

Answer 9

Since your dad is not willing to change, it's her decision whether to leave him or stay and put up with his behavior. She could embarrass him by telling him he can't come home unless he takes a STD test, but that would run him off more than make him stay. Bottom line is she has to make a choice. Your dad has already made his.

Answer 10

The best thing you can do is love them both. This is their battle and they have choices they both need to make.

It sounds like you love them both as you said he is a good dad but a poor excuse for a husband.

The key here is that he in NOT your husband. support and love them both but let them know you will not chose sides or be drawn into this battle. Simple be there for both.