How do people avoid resentments?

Question

Resentment is generally an unpleasant state of existence. I suspect that many people do things to avoid this experience. What are the more common routes to avoiding resentments?

Heeltap, we disagree. I sent an email expressing the appropriateness of these questions to the field of philosophy and phenomenology -- including promiment philosophers who are investigating these issues. I am happy to discuss the appropriateness of those issues through email.

Answer 1

if you view resentment as anger felt at a real or imagined wrong done to you,
then often it helps to analyze that wrong, so many times it is our expectations of people, and them not living up to that, that causes this anger
even when someone promises a thing to us, we have to accept that they are human, and falter and fail sometimes
so i would say, look at the whole situation, and your part in it, along with the party you are resenting

Answer 2

Personally I think meditation helps with resentments. For some reason, after about 30 minutes of meditation I no longer care about my resentment. It usually seems petty and irrelevant. They often come back later though.

I would also try to target the root causes of your resentments. That's obviously a lot easier said than done but identifying and dealing with a cause is much more effective than washing it over or making a conscious effort to "let it go."

You should also try to avoid situations that you know are likely to lead to resentments. For example, if you are strongly opinionated I wouldn't recommend the Politics forum on Answers. It upsets me every time and then I'm angry for at least an hour afterwards.

Another way I deal with some resentments is to learn more about the things I resent. For example, to use politics again, if there is a view on an issue or a person or whatever that I particularly resent I will read a book that is in support of whatever I resent. That helps me to see their side and even if I still don't agree, I usually resent them much less because I can at least see their side and respect their reasoning. One caveat though, make sure it is a good book and not just mindless propaganda or it will probably lead to more resentment.

Answer 3

Communication, and a willingness on both sides of the issue to work things out. In my own experience, I get resentful when I have an issue with someone who doesn't want to hear what I am saying about it or not making an effort to at least try to meet me halfway.... (I put it that way, because the question was how to "avoid" resentment, as opposed to how to heal and existing resentment)....

Answer 4

Again, Here we go... since there are "levals" of resentments, there are as many types of "offences as well"it all depends upon the offending party, or type of offence and how it was directed.. some, you can hear(almost all of them are heard) and "brush off" like dust, and they don't affect you..others, they make you say, "Oh, man, i wish they didn't say that!" and it gets over, and life goes on...personal ones, are the ones that seem to hit you with differant strengths. the "sigh ones" walk away from ones shaking your head, the intimidating ones, and the "heart penetrating"these are the worst of all.. Who you are with, and where you are at the time, plays a giant role in how each person "takes" the hit (so-to-speak).. resentments are "offences" and they, have to be learned to be delt with just like a baby learning to eat food. But, some of them stick like glue, and stay with you for a very song time..and in time, you learn how to manage and re-think them so they become a vague memory instead of a "state of exhistence" time heal all wounds...but dwelling opon the problem, without seeking a soulotion, will not benefit you in any way, get a good friend who doesn't care what type of things others might say, but still likes you for who you are..and life will be a lot "brighter for you" they will be with you through all the humps and dumps and you'll see, and get past them much quicker too!....lol...

Answer 5

I'm not sure these are the more common ways to avoid resentment, but they are my ways.
1. I remember than what ever has happened & who ever did it was not doing it to me. They were just doing it & I happened to be the one present.
2.I remember that the real part of me can not be hurt or damaged. In order to feel slighted I must agree to it.
3. I also remember that in any human interaction it is a dance. I look at my part in what happened, even it is just being stupid enough to allow it.
4. And last, I remember that resentment means to emotionally revisit. The only person that resentment hurts is me, they have probably moved on.

Answer 6

This is a miscategorized Q which belongs in the psychology category as many other Q's asked by guru. It is not a philosophy Q as worded and it should not be asked here. So far, none of the answerers to this Q have based their A's in philosophy either.

An addendum:

Def'n of Guru
Hinduism & Tibetan Buddhism A personal spiritual teacher.

A teacher and guide in spiritual and philosophical matters.
A trusted counselor and adviser; a mentor.


"Def'n of phenomenology: phe·nom·e·nol·o·gy (f-nm-nl-j) KEY

NOUN:

A philosophy or method of inquiry based on the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.
A movement based on this, originated about 1905 by Edmund Husserl."

weblink:
http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/phenomenology

W/o additional comments, I don't see the Q or any of the A's within the context of this def'n . Do you GURU?

Answer 7

I resent the things that are not logical, stupidity, Sadistic people, I resent most people, I of course hide it. I find it hard. But however cruel, however wrong, I would not resent a person If he did what he did for a reason, or if he changed his ways. hmmmm this is odd, why do I say he when I mean to say people? And no I am not sexist.

Answer 8

You can't avoid them. But you can get over them. Basically it's by forgiveness, but that ain't easy. It is actually natural to remember these things. In nature, if you forget that a snake bit you, you will get bit again. So don't forget, just forgive. There are many many teachers who all have good methods of doing this. Find the one that works best for you. And you also have to forgive yourself.

Answer 9

Realizing how happy and free you are when you let go of all that extra psychological baggage. I've noticed that people with a lot of resentment seem to be stooped with bad posture. So I assume if they straighten up and move with a lot of energy, much of that psychological baggage might just drop off.

Answer 10

by not taking a stand on controversial issues,by avoiding doing the right thing when it's unpopular.live under your bed like so many dustballs.don't stick your toe in the pool of life,jump in . the rewards will outway the so called resentments.ok i'll shut up