Im almost finished with my poem, what do you think?

Question

You just sit there, staring into space
Oblivious to everyone and everything,
People just ignore you and walk further away.
Watching squirrels play and the birds sing.

You're wondering about anything, religion, life
Why you even bothered to wake up this morning,
Ending your blissfull dreams of peace and hope,
Of mermaids swimming, and dragons soaring.

Every day, you sit there in the same place,
Thinking about your family and dreams,
How your parents divorce is killing you inside,
Nobody but you can hear all your screams.

One lie turns into another, getting bigger and bigger
You unfortuneatly learned this the hard way
Creating wounds that will eventually fade to scars,
But sadly, they won't ever,ever go away.

You're confused in this huge, horrid world of ours
Seeing nothing but tears and blood, and feeling pain.
You hear babies crying, mothers screaming at fathers
And many other kids crying outside in

the cold rain.

You think to yourself, "Why is our world this way?"
Sadly, some people just honestly don't care.
Destroying this world, piece by piece, without a thought.
This eath is being tortured and it isn't fair.

Suicide bombers and crazed gun-men around every corner,
Innocent people dying every single day.
We're in way too deep in this terrible, terrible war.
Families praying that they're okay.

People wish desprately for world peace,
Sadly their wishes won't come true.
There will always be something wrong,
Hunger, dehydration, and murder too.

This is what we've created, and this is what we must live with,
People will die trying to change it,
Protesting and signing millions of petitions,
Trying to impress the government with wit.

I'm almost finished with it!! (I posted a question asking what people thought of it when it was three verses and people wanted to see the rest, so here's more of it!!)

Answer 1

Brilliant feeling.
Excellent points.
Good imagry.
Acceptable flow.

Use more metaphores and symbols to draw people in and make them understand. A few symbols can make a poem.

Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

its good, but the lines are too long. personally it hink it would be better if you just took some words out and made it more to the point and less story like. for example:

you're wondering about things could be: confused

everyday, you sit there in the same place: again

lone lie turns into another: the lies compile


i guess it is just a personal preference. just a thought. i liked it. it showed a lot. good job.

Answer 3

Poetry is subjective. i do no longer incredibly like the 4 stanza rhyming each 2 line format. i think of because of the fact it jogs my memory of writing poetry in center college. that's purely me although. For English type i think of you would be high-quality

Answer 4

it's LOVELY!!! cos i think many people can relate to it but instead of a poem, i think it sounded much like lindsay's confessions of a broken heart....don't ya think so?? you r very talented...*o* L.O.V.E. I.T.

Answer 5

i think its really good! its really meaningful!! its not like other poems its....better, it has a point to it. but dont make it tooo long.

Answer 6

it's really good

Answer 7

you suck! you jackass